Have been waking up disoriented since last week; it's the dreams I've been having, I think. They're mostly about dance and pole and dance studios and pole-mates.

I hope doing the exercises my physiotherapist recommends will translate to a more flexible back. I'd love to be able to touch my toes to my ears when I do a bird-nest.

But I'm having a rather bad relationship with my body right now: I don't like the way it looks. Something's gotta give; or something's gotta change.

The doc - a very pretty and young thing - said the numbness has nothing to do with my lower-back (something I'd've known had I bothered to google it), but might be attributed to a low B12 and/or folate(?) level in my blood. Or something. So I've to go get my blood tested again. Sigh.

Then she recommended I go to the physiotherapist to have my lower-back ache checked out. Luckily for me, there were available time-slots when I went to make an appointment, so I saw the first physiotherapist I've ever seen in my entire life yesterday.

He had clammy hands (yucks), and told me I have very poor range in bending backwards. So there's an exercise I need to be doing (10 sets of 6 reps daily) to loosen up that specific muscle. And I'm due back next Tue, hopefully with some improvement (if I faithfully do the exercise like I'm supposed to).

Honestly, the possibility of a more flexible back is exciting me. I want to be able to touch my toes to my ears again!

Well. Finally made an appointment to see a doctor at Student Health.

... but I feel a little better now, really. Except for the fatigue. Or maybe it's just lack of sleep. Tiredness. We'll need to sleep earlier.

My dad will be dropping in for the next two days. Where to go, what to see? Welly's so boring. Sigh.

Health-wise, this has been one fucking crappy week. Yes, I'm convinced there's something wrong (but, again, I am a bit of a hypochondriac). I'm making an appointment to see the doc next week, after my period ends (started on Friday), and because my lower back pain always escalates during my period, I'll wait to see if all (or most) of my problems would disappear once my period ends.

Today, I've a tight chest (which I suspect is caffeine-induced) - and still do - and the vague numbness has migrated from my left little finger to my right upper arm. In addition, both arms suffer from twinges despite the fact that I'd skipped my silks class yesterday; am also feeling light-headed, but I suspect it's my blood loss.

Growing old really sucks balls. Seriously.

Gotta go home and see my doc. And, one of the first things I'm going to do when I get back home will be to see Desmond about removing that microdermal. I think I'm past the piercings (but not the ink).

Looping Handel's 'Lascia ch'io pianga' (from Farinelli OST) and 'Ombra mai fu' (from Cecilia Bartoli's Sacrificium; free download available at NPR). Lovely.

So. By the time I finished up the draft of one part of my research essay, it was about 02:30. I tossed and turned in bed til about 03:00 then finally gave in and popped an Actifed (it's a drowsy formula).

I set my alarm for 08:30 because I had to see my supervisor at 10:30 this morning, but I woke all on my own at 06:57.

God. What's wrong?

Took a quick stock of my life as I was in the shower, and I realized I haven't been pain-free ... since 2004. (And by 'pain' I meant lower back pain.) How could I have spent 5 years in pain and ... not realized it? I mean, I am cognizant of the pain, every waking moment - and some days are worse than others - but because I still do the stuff I want to do, whether I am in pain or not, I've learned to relegate it to the periphery of my consciousness; it's become the niggling ache I can - at best - ignore.

That's just not done. Not anymore.

I'm going home. And once I'm home, I'm going to my doctor's and ask silly little questions (which I'll now google about) about my back and all my joints.

Right now, I'll work on cutting down on my sugar intake (which will be tough, because I've been mainlining sugar since I was in pigstails) because I think it might be interferring with my ability to concentrate. (I'm guessing it's sugar as a second choice; my first would be just plain disinterest.)

I'm going to take up pilates to work on my core muscles in the hope that a stronger core will take the stress - and therefore pain - off my lower back.

Also, I've been thinking lately of taking up jazz. Again. If I do start jazz (again), I'll make bloody sure to stick with it this time.

Had my ME exam yesterday. Boy did I tank, but man am I glad to be done with that. I'd been indirectly stressed out by it the whole of last week - mainly because I knew I should be studying but couldn't be arsed which guilt-tripped me heavily. Since I've been watching House lately, I wondered last night as to the purpose of guilt: what is the purpose of guilt?

I'd been studying here and there, but yesterday, before my paper, I found an interesting debate which I just had to see in full before I headed out, the motion being: The Catholic Church is a force for good in the world.


(The rest of the debate here.)

It is, I feel, a skewed debate as one side has more intelligence than the other. (Also: ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTIONS, DAMNIT! Don't squirm and deflect and pretend ignorance in order not to answer questions you don't like. I can see the squirming despite the glare of light off your thick, thick chain and big, big ring.)

Disclaimer: I <3 Stephen Fry; I've been looking up to him (metaphorically) since I was 16, and should I ever meet him in person ... I'll still be looking up to him (literally).

Am reading - and liking - this thread on the Blue.

Especially: "New Zealand: Don't expect too much and you'll love it."

Yes, I think the problem this year has been that Welly has fallen way below my expectations in terms of pole and generally dance stuff. I've been less than impressed by the standards here (and I'm not talking about the Royal NZ Ballet).

On the slightly bright side, there's this:


(C has a Beached As T-shirt from Supre!)

... and there's Bro'Town (which makes us laugh even as we choke out, "This is SO. WRONG ... HAHAHAHAHA!")!

Some pictures I found in my cellphone. (Yes, I'm procrastinating; is it obvious?)

Fog over the harbor, some random evening



Sunset from the study window, some random evening


C wanted a picture of this license plate, some random weekend


At the Pak N Sav in Taupo (I thought it was really funny), that weekend in Taupo


From a toilet cubicle in the school library, prolly the one on Level 7, 09/09/09


An adorable window display, possibly from Kirkcaldie & Stains, on that fateful day we decided to have dinner at the very sub-par-next-to-which-any-dingy-ol'-fish n' chips-counter-is-gourmet-dining Long Bar, 09/12/09


Shoes which I would never have worn in Singapore; while waiting for someone to let me into the studio, 09/14/09


Someone at New World Metro can't tell longans apart from lychees, 10/20/09


Really quite in need of spelling - or typing - lessons (possibly both); entrance doors of MacLaurin, just after I finished my ENGL 402 exam, 10/27/09

And just this morning, I got to sit next to Sandy Rankine on the couch as I waited the rain out!

The Icelandic film night at Christine's was rather fun. She and Robert put on Cold Fever, then served freshly made pizzas for dinner. After sliced apples with a sweet cream and a story about St. Swithun (I still don't really get the how the apples and cream are connected to St. Swithun), it was decided that Reykjavik 101 would be screened, which is a film I've been trying to find but Civic Videos just doesn't carry the title.

The films were great; I enjoyed them more than Noi the Albino, which C once rented.

I don't suppose anybody does deadpan humor and understatements better than the Icelanders.

Sigh. Back to work. Research essay. Middle English.

I miss pole.

Old Norse exam next Tue, right off the Labor Weekend, then the Middle English one 2 weeks after that.

Still haven't touched my research essay and it's so bad it should be flushed down the crapper. Literary Linguistics (LING 410) about to start next month, and we're given 4 books to read (Faust, Eric, Cat's Cradle, and What Maisie Knew). I've to go search for them as the lecturer didn't think it necessary to order them in at the uni bookshop. Well, not a bad thing I suppose, as that gives me an excuse to traipse around the second-hand bookstores for used copies. Books here are SO. FUCKING. EXPENSIVE.

But I found a copy of The Collected Dorothy Parker for NZD 10 at Quilters, now happily relocated on Ghuznee, sharing floor-space with milkcrate, so I'll quit bitching about having to source for my own books. For now.

Back to studying. Sigh.

Am I stressed out? Yes, definitely. Yet, I'm quite unsure why ... exactly. I made a list of things that need doing/completing this 2-week break, and I started with my Old Norse translation. I've done more than needed. And needlessly so.

So now I'm left with the important stuff. Like, my research essay (halfway into the trimester and STILL NOT STARTED) and my ME project.

I've been trying to motivate/force myself to start my research essay today. Not only do I have to meet with my supervisor this break about it (I was planning to do it tomorrow, but I've got nothing, so why bother trekking to school to present nothing?), I also NEED TO START RESEARCHING IT.

Damn it, studying's not for me.

I'm just looking forward to the Taupo trip with C this Friday. Maybe I'll sleep better this weekend and not feel so stressed by my lack of motivation and seemingly increasingly mountainous workload.

Because all I really feel like doing is: 1) pole; and 2) watch Bones.

Sigh.

I passed my ME test! It's the last week of school before the mid-trimester break and I feel swamped. Lots of translation and reading to do.

And I still haven't started on my research essay.

And I gotta see my supervisor about it next week.

Sigh.

But above all that, I quite look forward to the weekend trip we're gonna be taking to Taupo next week.

No updates for a whole week means one of two things: 1) My life is in the shitter and someone's pulled the flush; or, 2) I'm living it up to much too have time to blog. Sadly, in this case, it's the former.

Gah.

I'm struggling. I can't focus, I'm not disciplined. I can't study no more. I aced that translation test but it's only 5% of total course grade. Today, I flunk my ME test, which is 20% of course grade. FUCK.

And now, I've over 300 lines of translation to do; 200 or so of which is due by Friday. AND I gotta finish reading Grettis Saga and Njals Saga.

However, I loved the weekend. C took leave for Fri and Mon so she was home the whole time, and I watched some movies with her. I can't wait for when I'm free to play with the new toy.

I'm thinking ... maybe chili con carne. Or maybe a tagine.

Hm ...

Sat night: Out of anxiety (for the ON translation test on Mon) and/or the movies I watched that day with C (The Cave, Apocalypto, and Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire), I had an anxious dream that night which involved Mrs. E. Lim and Mrs. Cheng. More than 10 years after being taught by them, I still dream about them - and usually (only) when I'm anxious. Hm.

Today: Made 3 Cup Chicken for dinner tonight. I came across several recipes - some called for fresh Thai basil, some called for spring onions and suggested the basil is optional - since I couldn't find any fresh Thai basil, I used spring onions. I couldn't find any shaoxing or huadiao wine either at Yan's, so I got (glutinous) rice wine, which is the only type of Chinese cooking wine there is.

I've never tasted 3 Cup Chicken before, but I was a little disappointed by my dish. C seemed to like it though, so I guess it wasn't too bad.

Sigh.

I'll be the first to admit to being a paranoid hypochondriac, but, really, I am feeling the pain, man.

My lower back pain might be due to - oh, I don't know - walking up to school via Vivian St. (of merciless and relentless steep slopes and stairs) 3 times a week; could be due to pole. Whatever. It all boils down to having a woefully weak core and a past slipped disc.

My right knee I'm not so sure about. It was the knee on which I'd taken a crash, but it also might be Vivian St.'s killer inclines and stairs. C think it's something to do with old age and sitting for too long at my desk. Yesh ...

My right shoulder I'm pretty sure about: I slept on it for a wee bit this morning. That should be the reason the ache and stiffness. This never happened before!

Gaaah.

I'm positively geriatric ... =(

(So I started taking glucosamine again.)

WTF Twitter? Why are you posting my updates to you on to my Facebook status?

So imagine my surprise, seconds after posting this twit, when I received a call from Ben in Hanoi. Since when does Twitter cross-post with Facebook? And why is this the default option rather than something I need to actively select.

Again. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Twitter?

Also: Not-too-accidental outings. Sorry, closets.

The curry turned out rather well, I think. I quite like what turned up, even if it were a little too salty (and too spicy - for C).

I marinated boneless chicken thighs (cut into bite-size pieces) with salt, tumeric, cayenne pepper, and cumin. Then browned some potato cubes. The curry was made with frying minced garlic and chopped onions, Thai red curry paste, coconut cream, and water.

The preparation and cooking took about 2 hours though, including stir-frying some sugar snaps (I hate snow peas, but sugar snaps seem pretty okay) and carrots, and cooking rice (I cook rice in a pot on the stove).

Day before I made (rather unsuccessfully) fried rice with luncheon meat, chopped onions, eggs, garlic, and McCain's mixed veges.

Today I think I wanna try Asian-style stir-fry fusilli with beef mince, mushrooms, and McCain's mixed veges (I bought a 1 kg bag that I need to use up soon) ... but I might chicken out. We'll see.

Finished the ON translation. Now on to studying for the translation test. Sigh ...

I don't feel like it but I suppose I should - blog, I mean.

Have finished 100 lines of Cursor Mundi (f.32, col.83 onwards), and just finished a scrumptious pear danish from Le Moulin (bought yesterday, but it's good even when it's not fresh).

Am constantly getting depressed about pole. I realized yesterday I should've focused on aerial classes by the WCT, because at least I'd've the benefit of instructors in my training, versus (unsupervised, uninstructed) pole prac by my lonesome. I've stopped checking in with my pole-mates in Sg (we've our own group on Facebook) because the photos and vids from their classes and jam sessions are making me cry.

Will make Thai-ish red curry tonight. Then start translating Grettir's Saga so I can spend more time studying for my ON translation test next Mon.

Sigh.

I should go watch Kaiser to cheer up ... again.

All right. Have managed to catch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and Brüno this month (and in this order) ... and none of them left me quite satisfied. Perhaps I'd overanticipated them.

Have given up on this year's International Film Festival even though I'd shortlisted films to catch and hope to watch Antichrist - if only because it was as controversial as 9 Songs and Anatomie de l'Enfer (both of which I'd caught and enjoyed - in fact, I bought Anatomie when the DVD was released).

This blog is hilarious. (Spelling errors notwithstanding.)

This is so yummy. A marvelous concoction of seasoned lumpy mashed potato and marinated chicken cubes in side a thin flaky pastry crust.

The photos I took don't, unfortunately, do the precious parcel of deliciousness any justice.

(From Le Moulin.)

Except for research on that "5 minute presentation" on Henry Sweet I have to give at a LING seminar tomorrow afternoon, and getting a start on my research essay, I think I'm handling both my English papers okay this week.

...

Okay, I'm two for four, which means I suck.

Am supposed to research on Henry Sweet now, but I'm not. I'd rather be translating my Old Norse stuff - I've got fewer than twenty lines before I finish.

I don't know what I'm reading on Sweet. Linguistics doesn't make sense to me anymore.

Woke up feeling dizzy but still stuck to walking up to school via Vivian St. Still a wee bit dizzy (yes, have been taking folic acid pills almost daily), and not too sure why.

Christine returned our essays today. Phew, I passed. If not for C's reminder, I'd've completely forgotten that I'd received an award - one that is fully revocable if I don't do well in my papers.

Still have a huge Joan Jett crush.

And that earworm.







Shane (not Kate Moennig, but SHANE) is just one fraction of Joan Jett's hotness.

Oh, be still my heart!

Friday. Sigh.

Waiting to collect laundry from the dryer and reading this. Seriously, I hope she gets her butt whipped. And then some.

I'm way behind on my schoolwork, as it is.

And I feel just so tired. Yucks.

So glad I find it (somewhat) relaxing to blast my current ear-worm(s) while doing my translations for Old Icelandic and Middle English.

Haven't started on research essay yet though ... =(

Am getting REALLY PISSED OFF at the weather - but only when it's windy and rainy when I have to be out.

Like NOW.

ARRRRGGGGHHHH.

So, handed in my essay this morning.

I'd resolved last week to try to spend my time more productively this trimester, seeing that I have 2 papers and a (10,000 word) research paper to complete. I gotta stop wasting time on the bloody internet.

Anyway, I'm almost fully recovered from the shock of discovering people of my cohort in secondary school getting married and popping babies. Almost. It's been stressful - almost more stressful than writing an essay for a topic I can hardly care less about, and almost as stressful as C's feeling about her cousin's wedding.

This being on the threshold of the terrible thirties is a wee bit sucky. 'Twould be nice if I could drink myself to a stupor so I'll not notice my friends' and my crossing it ...

Word-count at 1,000 last night, but I still have another 1,500 to go. Gotta hustle.

My favorite girl texted last night (NZT) to announce she was "in delivery, waiting to be induced for pain". I have every hope of seeing pictures of a healthy perfect wee one soon!

Anyway, thought I'd just check in with the blog today after a week-long hiatus. Because Twitter (which I'd been using last week, what with trying to keep from spending too much time on time-wasting surfing) doesn't seem to suffice this morning, and also because I'd just seen a funny opening sentence in an article in NZ Herald:

A shirtless fugitive who kept police at bay with tree branches and the occasional haka for nearly three hours ...

"... the occasional haka ..."

XD

Had somehow (unconsciously) resolved upon waking up from a long - if fragmented - sleep (22:00 last night to around 07:30 this morning) to work on essay this entire week ... and maybe - dare I hope? - even finish it by this Fri.

However, was distracted by Kathy Reichs and the need for continual feeding. Still, will grimly preservere on.

C emailed a hilarious link to Genesis 2.0; lmao'd at " ... so god became angry, so angry that god lost his temper and cursed the first humans, telling them to go forth and multiply themselves - but not in those words. But the humans took god literally and now there are 6 billion of them ..." XD

The first thing I did when C texted me about MJ's death was to log on to the net. Made sense, since we don't have either a telly or radio. But after checking with BBC - which wouldn't confirm - I hit Twitter (which was wonky, being overloaded with #MichaelJackson, #Cardiac Arrest trending), which still won't confirm, and so had to go to the source of the news TMZ. When BBC confirmed the death, I hit Metafilter - on which the obit post has already garnered 273 comments.

And here I am blogging.

Technology. Hm.

Finally found the Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead double-feature pack at Civic Video on Tues after pole prac. New studio space is pretty awesome (think loft-style penthouse) but would be better if the mirrors are all up.

Have started feeling the urgency of the essay due on 13 Jul. But I've forgotten how to write and essay. 2,500 words seem both too long and too short to handle for the (tentative) topic of "runes and women in the Poetic Edda". Maybe I should rethink my topic.

Sigh. Feeling lethargic - had dreamed incessantly in last night's sleep. In fact, I think at one point I had a dream which bleed into another dream; so, a dream within a dream. Fucks my head, is what that does.

Nothing much this weekend, other than finding Days of Being Wild at JB Hi-Fi for under NZD 20. Got me thinking about collecting all of Wong Kar Wai's full-length films - but possibly not My Blueberry Nights - since I already have Chungking Express (my favorite), Happy Together (found in KL, of all places), In the Mood for Love, and 2046. (I'm a hoarder; it's genetic.)

The film I really want to get my hands on, however, is Fallen Angels; it's 100-proof depression topped off with simple tentative hopefulness, and I love it. It's also the coolest film I've ever seen, and quite possibly the only thing that'll ever seduce me into smoking.

Rach and I managed to catch each other on Skype today - so cool!

Read about the nutritional value of the kiwi fruit some time back, I'd since resolved to eat a one every day. For the most part, I've managed to do so.

I know I'm a bit of a hypochodriac, but the way I've been feeling these couple of weeks, I can't help but think something must be wrong.

Also, I woke up with a fucking headache this morning and had taken the last one of my children's asprins (which I prefer to the ones for adults - I don't like taking aspirins so I try to stick to as low a dosage as possible; also, the children's ones are cherry-flavored and taste better).

When the headache's alleviated and C awaken, I wanna go rummage at the Warehouse for the Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz 2-in-1 DVD.

I <3 palmiers.



And I bought 3.

^_^

When I got to Le Moulin yesterday after dropping off the book at the school library and looking for my ENGL 406 texts in the bookshop, it was 16:07, but the bakery was already closed - guess they sold out - and so, no palmier for me.

So I went to Simply Paris and got 2 tarty things.



The chocolate and grape tart, although I'm sure it's got a fancier French name.



The supposedly apple one, but the fruit slices in the cream/custard in this tart is definitely not apple. I supposed I was given the rhubarb one by mistake.

Expensive little things, and yet my lust for Le Moulin's simple palmier wasn't satisfied.

Maybe I'll run out for 3 now, cold and sunny weather, exploding head, and swelling throat be damned.

I feel ... hopeless. Feel like something's wrong, but I just can't pinpoint what exactly. I think I might be unravelling (which is why I was always so anal and obsessive-compulsive about discipline in the first place - but notice the past-tense).

Yesterday was a little better: Bought 2 palmiers from Le Moulin (only NZD 1.80 each; the one I bought from the City Market sold by The French Baker cost nearly twice of that!), and my rich beef casserole turned out wonderful.

Will walk up to the school library to drop off a book and maybe buy my books for ENGL 406. Had just checked out VicBooks' online shop and found out the set texts will set me back NZD 197.95 - and that's just for 2 books and course notes.

Hur-bloody-rah.

So I walked all the way to Le Moulin yesterday only to discover it's closed on Mondays. No palmier. Then I made my way to Simply Paris, thinking to find one there - damn if it wasn't closed on Mondays too. Since I can't think of any other French bakeries in this part of town, I went to Moore Wilsons which has a decent select of (fresh) baked goods. No palmier.

Sigh. T'was not meant to be.

I've been getting throbs on the top left of my head lately; wonder what's up with that?

Still PMS-ing; therefore, still bored and restless, but a wee bit less frustrated. Started translating 'The Vows of the Jómsborg Vikings'. Am WAAAAY behind in school work. Sigh.

Very bad PMS: Bored, restless, irritable and frustrated.

LING 410 has been giving me heartburns since the beginning of the year - and the bloody course hasn't even started! Prolly is a sign of things to come. Should've opted out at the beginning of the year - and I suppose I still can, since it's a summer paper - but I'm sticking it out like I stuck out the final 2 years for my diploma. Sheer stupidity and stubbornness, no doubt, but I'm nothing if not that.

So it looks like I can't make it back home for the Asian Pole Summit (11/19-22) and Rach's visit. BUMMER. FUCKING BUMMER.


... Maybe I should take a walk to clear my frustration. Le Moulin will be a good destination. I'm craving a palmier after yesterday's trip (C's blog and photos) to the City Market.

Well, things turned out okay - although the adobo didn't taste as good as the last time I made it.

Made 10 kimbap rolls in total! Stuffing: Takuan, surimi, cucumber, Spam Classic, carrot, and tamgoyaki, but I forgot to add the tamagoyaki until I was on my 7^th roll or so ... Sigh.









I don't like white rice, so I used the minimum amount possible.

The sukjunamul turned out okay too, even sans spring onions and sesame seeds. I wonder if I should add sugar to it. It tastes pretty okay though, with soy sauce, sesame oil, minced garlic, and chili powder.



All in all, I feel ... a sense of achievement. =)

Had decided to spend this day doing cooking stuff. So, after I woke up at around 08:30, and had made self coffee and warmed up leftovers for breakfast - received a surprise call from Rach in Houston in between! - I got around to planning the cooks.

Looks like the only times I get out of the house now is to do grocery shopping - awfully easy with Yan's Supermarket being about 2-3 blocks away, the Warehouse a block away, and Moore Wilsons 3 blocks away.

Have cut up and marinated the chicken for the adobo tonight, and made the tamagoyaki for the kimbap (to be made as soon as I log off); will attempt to make sukjunamul (sans spring onions 'cuz I don't like 'em) after that.



...I am being domesticated, aren't I? =|

Saw this at Yan's yesterday and it tickled me, so I just had to snap pictures of it - the warning labels are obviously tacked on by Yan's staff and not part of the original packagings:

So I learned yesterday at pole that it was because my skin is too dry that I can't adhere to the pole. Will moisturize religiously from now on.

Watched Shaun of the Dead - it's hilarious, but also scary (for me; I'm a scaredy-cat). C and her zombie-fetish ... Maybe I will buy a copy since it's just NZD 10.

Also: Influenza A hits central Welly. Will now monitor C and self for symptoms. Maybe there's a need to bring out my trusty tube of hand sanitizer which was bought in a Boots pharmacy in Chiang Mai. Boots pretty much rocks.

Almost forgot:

Was out looking for folic acid pills on Saturday because I'd finished the stash I'd brought from home. So went I into the Unichem at Readings and asked whereabouts the folic acid pills are. The guy behind the counter counter-asked, "Is it for someone who wants to get pregnant or is pregnant?"

Gah.

No, it's for someone who is thalassemic. =/

C, of course, had a laugh out of it.

C made kimbap this weekend. It was scrumptious and addictive - and pretty too! - filled with yellow takuan, green cucumber, pinkish-red surimi, and strips of omelet. Thought I might try making it myself one day, and will pop by the Korean shop either on Dixon or Cambridge Terrace to look for Korean sausage to put into it.

Also: Found a close rellie of the Merlion on a wall at Welcome Takeaway's last night.



Definitely a male, what?

The best of the shorts I saw last night was Somewhere Only We Know. I actually teared in the beginning and at the end.

While over at the Warehouse this morning to grab a new kettle (the one we bought when we moved in died), I found a lone copy of Satoshi Kon's Tokyo Godfathers going for just NZD 5! Such a fucking steal! I could hardly believe my eyes!

I feel like I've been domesticated. I wish we had an oven and a proper kitchen so I can try out recipes (this, coming from someone who'd wanted OUT of home ec.), and I actually find housekeeping quite enjoyable - although, of course, with such a tiny matchbox flat as ours, housekeeping is ridiculously easy.

Oh boy, I Can't Think Straight.

Paramount was packed with women last night. All sorts of women. Everybody seems to know each other. They streamed into the theater, lingered around looking for familiar faces, and, as one girl said to her companion, "I'm waiting to be waved at!" I was both awed and intimidated - and conflicted (as I had been before).

The film is so rough around its edges, so many things when the film first starting running came to my mind promising a bad, bad, bad D grade movie - but, Goddess, the gorgeous Asian actresses in it! And the dialogue/acting - although a little stilted - proved funny. Hilarious, even, at times.

I'm getting my hands on the DVD when it comes out.

Also: For today's (possibly) solo pole prac, I wonder if I dared attempt the Spatchcock - or, as I prefer to call it - Felix's Bow.

Yesterday, after the movie when the lights came on in the theater, a bunch of middle-aged dykes (my assumption) gathered at near the exit, talking about the film.

Exclaimed one: "I paid $15 to watch this?!"

Oh well, at least I paid only $12.50 with student concession - also, it really wasn't so bad, except, for a documentary, I didn't feel it was well-researched enough. And I chose to watch it because I'm convinced I'm bi-phobic. Gah.

I really hope not though.

Last week of school for the trimester. Shit, half the year's gone and I've nothing to show for it. =(

आज मौसम बड़ा बेईमान है! Since I woke up at about 08:30, it's been 30 minutes of dark clouds and gales, 5-10 minutes of hail (and rain), then 15-30 minutes of blue skies and sunshine. Rinse, repeat.

Sigh.

Watched Finn's Girl yesterday, and it was actually really as good as promised on the Out Takes brochure - smart and funny too.

Overheard a woman tell her husband (who were both prolly at the screening of Finn's Girl): "I know it's a film festival - I just didn't know it is a lesbian one!"

(Oops, surprise! Guess Out Takes isn't about outtakes after all!)

Later, I'll have to brave the possibility of being hailed on (sigh) to get to Paramount for Bi The Way.

So ... Like, almost immediately after that last post on Wednesday, I went to meet C and Geeta for dinner at Cha, which was promptly followed by desserts at Strawberry Fare (we share the Devils Dream Cake and a Crème Brûlée). I tried to assuage my guilt and fear by walking Geeta home but ...Obese-city, here comes I!

Yesterday was sunny and (relatively) warm so pole prac was good. I still suck at free-styling.

Working on a presentation this long weekend for Tuesdays, and C's away in Nelson ... Sigh.

Cold, lonely flat.

Most alarmingly, I discovered yesterday that I might be so grossly obese or so appallingly unfit - or both - that I was gasping, almost suffocating, after climbing up seven levels in the school library.

The shortness of breath is frightening; the hypochondriac in me thinks something must be very wrong ...

The weekend getaway to Christchurch was pretty awesome - weather notwithstanding - and, dear Goddess, souvlakis from Dimitris are abso-fucking-lutely divine, as good as I remembered. Why, oh why, can't Dimitris be based in Welly?

Also, is it just me, or are the folks in Christchurch just a little too weird? I felt scared walking around when the sun went down - not that we were getting lotsa it in the day - and even as early as 6pm.

That could be zombie-town after dark for all I know ...

The chicken adobo was successful, even if not so authentic. It's an awesome dish and I'll be making it more often, I hope!

Had a very sad pole prac yesterday. My bottle of Mighty Grip arrived, but it proved rather useless against the condensation on the pole. And it pills on my palms! =/ Also, even though the studio now has safety mats, they're woefully thin and - IMO - inadequate. So I found myself afraid - after my crash last Thu - to do a lot of stuff. Well, not 'afraid' maybe, just too overly cautious.

Will be off to Christchurch tonight. Looks like I might just freeze my ass off there. But I'm quite looking forward to it - the get-outta-Welly, not the frozen ass.

Stupid fucking dryers. Gah.

I've to go out soon - it's bright and sunny (though very chilly with the southerlies; currently 9°C with windchill factor of 4°C) - and get some stuff for the chicken adobo I want to try to make tonight. I'd asked Jess yesterday on Facebook for her family's recipe but I've decided I can't wait for her to email me, so I'm trying out the recipe here.

Also, I've to shop for winter coats and jackets. Damnit, why can't clothes shopping be as fun and exciting as grocery shopping?

The wet and windy come back to us once more (well, only fair, since it is nearly winter).

It's raining now with some gales, yet also sunny ... and I'm waiting to find a rainbow out there.

Somehow, this reads like an analogy of my life as I know it now.

I feel like I'm missing out on the fun my friends - my pole mates, specifically - are having back home. Performances, dinners, (pole) parties - and, of course, pole practices together. I feel like a wraith, floating about the outside of it all, looking in.

C & I did a movie night yesterday, watching The Man from Earth, Millennium Actress, and Burn After Reading. I love the first two (The Man from Earth highly recommended - it's thought-provoking and fascinating, and I'm gonna look for a copy of it; Satoshi Kon is as great as ever although I much prefer Paprika), but the last one was a bit of a disappointment.

Maybe one day I'll get to watch Tokyo Godfathers. I don't like anime generally, but I've been very fascinated by Satoshi's works since I watched Perfect Blue about 5 years ago, courtesy of Jen. (My eternal gratitude, Jen!)

Gah. I fell off the pole attempting an elbow-hold ayesha last night. I shoulder-mounted up to serpent, pushed off into a caterpillar crouch, then released my legs. Wobbled precariously for a long minute before cartwheeling off to the left and, with an embarrassingly and stunningly loud thud, landed on my left tush and leg.

Was offered arnica ("5 drops in your water") which I took. I didn't attempt the ayesha again although I did get back up on the pole for inverts.

Boy, does my left tushie feel sore this morning or what ...

Feeling very blah.

My research essay proposal was okayed yesterday by Geoff, so I can start working on it; but ... sigh.

Had a dream-ful and deep sleep which I could hardly wake up from this morning. I should be studying for my translation test now, or do more translation, or research for my essay, but I'm just not in the mood.

It's finally sunny and warm, so I blame the sun.

Got my tickets for a few films in my shortlist for this year's Out Takes Film Festival:

1. Finn's Girl
   
2. Bi The Way
   
3. I Can't Think Straight
   
4. Seriously Good Girl Shorts
   
5. Short and Girly
   
6. Ghosted
   
7. Love My Life

The rest of the films in shortlist for which I've not purchased tickets:

1. Mr. Right
   
2. The New World
   
3. Patrik, Age 1.5
   
4. Spinnin' (6 Billion Different People)
   
5. Ten More Good Years
   
6. To Faro
   
7. XXY
   
8. Antarctica
   
9. Boystown
   
10. Fashion Victims
    
11. International Male

Yeah. I'm not here to pursue a useless honors degree in English at all ...

Just before dinner I got a text from the studio asking if I were interested in being filmed while on the pole - for the 48 Hour Film competition. I went just for the experience.

Turns out, all A. and I have to do is to do monkey tricks as background dancers of sorts; and the director was a really sweet bloke too. Not to mention, it was nice to have a bit of pole play (the studio was toasty with all the lightings and people, and good for pole).

When they wrapped up, I got a text from my Dad informing me Doggie's been to the groomer and now spots a new haircut.

She looks like a boy dog now ... =(


(as at 02/04/06)

(now)

I'm sick of this research essay and everything about it.

Studying is so much less fun than I remember. There are occasional bursts of mild interest in the stuff I'm working on, but, by and large, the best part of days is still pole (although it's been irritating how the colder weather these days has been fucking up my pole prac - no heat, no grip).

I'm so frustrated I could explode. ARGH!

The inevitable deluge of post-mortems of the hottest saga in Singapore. I've been going through article after article, blog-post afte blog-post, and for me they paint a rather frightening picture of the fundie-virus.

Then I had a sudden thought: The (over)zealous evangelizing and conversion of sheeple - is that what earns one brownie points with the god in their head ("Collect 1,000,000 points and you stand a chance to redeen a trip to heaven - all expenses paid!")?

Is this evangelizing a sorta multi-level marketing?

Yikes.

I guess eating with anyone with a medical background will inevitably lead to some pretty scary and gruesome conversation topics ...

Still feeling very emotional about the women and men at the EGM yesterday. Very proud of all of them; very, very, very proud.

Not so proud of myself, because it's just struck me that I only followed the EGM in realtime (via Twitterfall) because I'm here in Welly; had I been in Singapore, I very possibly would've missed it all just to be at pole. I would've been one to "shut up and sit down" and not stand up and speak up.

Hopefully this momentuous event will set a precedent for Singapore and me: Don't let someone yell at you to "shut up and sit down"; don't let the vocal religious-fundie minority - or any other nutjobs - bully you just because they're louder and more strident.

Good grief.

I've been following #awaresg twits at Twitterfall for the past 8 hours - have cooked, eaten, and showered - and I still don't know the results of the no-confidence vote.

But I've learned a few other things (SGD 90,000?! "Shut up and sit down"?! "Femmentor"!), felt exhilarated, laughed, growled, almost teared, among many other things.

My Volsunga Saga remains, sadly, still untranslated. I'm gonna go grab a snack before I fall asleep on my netbook.

Give us the results already, why doncha! =/

Open night at the studio yesterday meant 3 free hours of pole work!

But it was too cold (windchill factor at 7°C) and the poles were slippery because warm hands on cold steel poles meant lotsa condensation. My arms felt really weak and my hands were slipping off the (upper part of the) pole that I kept sliding when I inverted mid-pole to chopper, and couldn't even have enough grip to get from scorpio to star.

Still, I tried out the new way to get into brass monkey that I'd been visualizing - bat to brass monkey - and it worked!

I just read this on the Hardware Zone forum (re: AWARE takeover) and laughed my ass off:

24-04-2009, 11:35 AM
playtime
Member

Emperess [sic] Palpatine?? The Sith always comes in pairs, a Master and a [sic] Apprentice....


Luke...... *heavy breathing*... I am your Motherrrrrrr...

XD

Not sure why though ...

Read this today:

While homosexuality is clearly wrong, it is not the worst sin either, he said. People who are involved in homosexuality are no worse than people who lie. However, there is a tendency for the church to condemn homosexuality more than other wrongdoings.

"He", of course, would refer a certain pastor in that cult church. (Yes, that particularly vocal one.)

And it made me think: If gay people cannot be who they really are (because of what some men had written in a certain book) and had to suppress that integral part of themselves every single excrutiating second, would they not be liars?

And who - or what - would have made liars of them?

Call it PMS or stress (stress?), but I really miss Rach at this moment. I wish I could talk to her and have her make me feel it's going to be all right.

It's just occurred to me that there's a four-letter [apparently my math has degenerated so much I can't even count now!] five-letter word for people of Thio's ilk: BULLY.

Does the entire world thrive on playground dynamics?

I get really irate and frustrated with people sprout drivel about the "gay agenda" and how equal rights for the LGBT community will infringe on the rights of heterosexuals, taint all and bring about the apocalypse, yadda yadda yadda.

Selectively and stubbornly ignorant? (Or ...?)

Are they for real? Do they really believe that? On what basis and whose say-so?

Haven't been following the AWARE affair back home (mainly because it had seemed a little to sensationalized when I first read word of it), but - holy fuck and all things fucked up - if Thio Su Mien is part of the new ExCo takeover team then ...

I've no words, just nausea and black portentous dread.

OMGWTF!

Some girl I see around the studio during pole came up to me yesterday and asked me if I were going to be at the studio's open night next week. She said she was bringing her friends to the studio and wondered if I could be their show monkey.

Even though I don't know her name, hey I've absolutely no problem with that! It'll be play time!

I think I'm developing a little phobia of pole prac without a safety mat.

Yes, yes, I know it's a definite no-no - at least at my previous studio it was - but my current studio just doesn't have any sort of protective matting lying around. And after my slip on Tues, I'm getting a little jittery about my inverts.

I don't want this to be one horse I can't climb back on. =( There are still so many things I want to get. Like Angel Drop (maybe) - and the many other legs-free inverts.

Sigh.

Got the yogini (and also the mid-pole version) last Friday, plus the advanced Jamilla into extended butterfly mid-pole.

But had a terrible prac this evening. I slipped from a yogini and crash-landed on hard wooden floor. My right knee took the brunt of it. My dad recently cracked his knee-cap having slipped and fallen on it. Lord, the things that shouldn't run in the family ... sigh.

Anyway, I'm growing a lump on that knee (the right one) which feels warm; also, knee feels a little stiff, but almost no terrific bruising. The last time I fell on that knee, it was because I slipped from a goddess. Gah... =/

Yikes, I've been gettin' dirtier and dirtier ...

Advanced Jamilla to butterfly (extended) - I got it!

Had a nice Easter break and now on the two-week mid-trimester break. Oh lordy, I'm so far behind in my work ... sigh.

The right side feels better; managed to get some stuff done at yesterday's practice, but I didn't dare to try the Deville again - not until I feel the ache completely gone.

Told Christine yesterday about what I might do re: Research Essay - editorial work on the A-S and O-N rune poems, plus write-ups on four different aspects. She said to send her the draft of my proposal ASAP so I could formally send it to Geoff for approval. Sigh. My working life was so, so, so much easier.

Should be up and about running errands and doing research in the library today (when it's still sunny, albeit with southerlies), but am not. Bad cold wet weather the rest of the week.

Sigh.

Gah.

Maybe I pulled something (again) from repetitions of the Deville ... or, at least I hope I'd pulled something.

Was told yesterday that it's actually possible to have ribs fractured/broken from this trick - as Jamilla had - if the pole ends up being too high up on the torso. Now I'm a little worried and paranoid.

Will monitor self this weekend. But if I'd broken anything, I'd've felt it by now, right?

Last night's pole achievement: Nailed the Deville!

Sigh.

Shit, what am I doing?

Seriously, what am I doing?

Woke up feeling less than good - slept late, woke up halfway by a nightmare, unable to fall back asleep, woke up by a snuffed nose, unable to fall back asleep, etc. - but damn if I didn't nailed a couple of stuff at pole prac.

One: Knee-hold - all you need is a non-slippery pole, a sense of balance, and knees with dead nerves.

Two: Chinese flag-pole

Three: Hanging side-split (I still don't dare to call it an Ayesha) with my trunk and hips off the pole.

Yay!

Woke up with a dreary headache which, after breakfast, worsened with the swelling of everything in my head.

So I took a pill and went to back to bed ... and I've managed to pissed away a whole day.

Sigh. =|

Thank you free comic strip generators! Thanks to C who hipped me on to them, I'm currently addicted. Mephisto appears to make a perfect character!

Mephisto by thegirlyouneverknew

And to make myself feel a little better about wasting precious translation and reading time on such trivialities, I made one from the Prose Edda.

Choosing A God For A Husband by thegirlyouneverknew

There's just something about being here that makes me feel free to think about making changes - even if superficial - to myself; and I know the possiblity of those changes coming about is all in my hands, whether or not I'm willing to set them in motion.

This just doesn't happen with me in Singapore.

So ... Yet another step closer to the grave. Still, it wasn't a completely horrid day: 2 hours of a somewhat-interesting-and-fun LING seminar followed by 2 hours of pole prac - and I didn't manage to hurt myself too badly, considering the damage inflicted on Sunday.

Strangest of all things pertaining to the annual grave march was a call I received on Wednesday night. I didn't look too carefully at the caller's number, just that it had a Singapore country code (I assumed it was my dad), so I was awfully surprised to hear from Ben-from-secondary-school-with-whom-I'd-not-met-and-spoken-since-1997. Wow, that's some kinda blast from the past! Apparently he'd gotten my cellphone number off Facebook. Had a short chat (a little awkward), and an offer from him to to visit Vietnam where he's currently based.

Awesome!

Celebrated (well, not really) C's birthday yesterday; watched The Unborn after dinner.

Still haven't figured out what to do for my research essay - went from metrical charms to runes. Gotta settle on something soon ... =|

It looks like I'm gonna give up on pole prac today by default. ARGH!

Workshop with Jamilla today; but I hurt my left side so much going from superman to figurehead. It's been pretty bad since the Friday before last, but now it's ... ARGH.

Also, as I was in the speeding bus on my way to the workshop, it occurred to me that could be my life: That is, I'm hurtling along at 180 kph to old age. I'm nearly 30, and soon I'll be too old to qualify for and do stuff.

It's terrifying ... =(

This is absolutely super-duper fucking awesome.

I don't care if it's a clunky prototype - I want me one!

Time passes so quickly when you're not doing anything important.

And when you are.

Why does it only passes slowly when you're not having fun and/or want it to go by faster?

Oh ...

Don't tell me my previous daily (conscientious) journaling was due to boredom.

I'm still stuck in that bored and restless state, and I really hope it's just the current moon cycle, because it's really fucking with and fucking up everything.

Gaaah.

It's been a little frustrating; I'm bored and restless and don't know what to do with myself. I should be reading - for Old Norse, and my research essay - but I can't concentrate.

Then there's the little matter of filing my income tax before 15 Apr (just read an email from my old office) ...

I feel like I've drifted into living in NZ - back in Welly - from life in Singapore a little unknowingly. I've taken to living in Welly (a mixture of 2 parts familiarity and 1 part unfamiliarity, with a sprinkling of changes) that life back in Singapore seemed so far in the past it's almost a dream.

I'd say it's been an amazing day, but that might be overstating it ... just a little.

I saw Anna at today's seminar. Anna. Anna - about and for whom I'd scribbled wildly and desperately 4 years ago - and then some. She looked exactly the same - not as I remembered, because I don't think I do remember clearly enough - and the same silver armlet on her left bicep.

Then I went and did 2 hours of pole, which makes a total of 5 hours this week. I'm deliriously mad with joy - and mottled with bruises and new calluses.

And now, back to what should be my main piece of reality: Homework.

First-day-of-school-axiety: it's definitely not a coincidence I dreamed of Mrs. Cheng and Mrs. Lim the night before.

Seriously, more than 10 years later, they still stand out in my mind. Are they like, truly formidable, or what?

I've been missing my Doggie something fierce ... =(

I figured I'm renting about NZD 15 worth of video a week - that's 15 movies a week.

Had gone through the three-ring circus that was orientation and enrolment earlier this week. Officially, I'm still not enrolled as the email I received after submitting my application merely thanked me for applying.

Papers I hope to be enrolled for:

• Old Icelandic
  
• Middle English to Early Modern English
  
• Literary Linguistics
  
• Research Essay

I don't know what I'm doing.

Anyway, it's the Cuba Street Carnival today; we'll be out as soon as C awakes ...

Well, internet connection's now up and running in the flat; you'd think I'd getting back to blogs - but, no. I guess it's quite different now. For one thing, I do not spend my nights sequestered in my room until bed time.

I don't feel like I've been doing anything at all; I go for pole practice (not even proper classes here) 3 hours a week, and spend the rest of my time watching rented videos and reading (when not eating, and also when eating =\).

But I could be doing so much more - taking language classes (Italian, or German like C), aerial classes, or some other classes - except I no longer have an income, one that I'm used to.

Suppose I gotta look for a part time job soon ... job-search just makes me utterly depressed.

Napier is such a lovely place! It's by the coast so I don't feel so claustrophobic and landlocked; the architecture there is mostly Art Deco. On the other hand, I can't imagine spending too much time there. I suppose it will be boring since I'm not interested in wine in general.

Orientation is this month; then: School.



Trepidation ...

Off to Napier for the weekend tomorrow! =)

Well, I'm still blogging, and will still blog. But I'm a little lazy about it in recent weeks because I don't have an internet connection in the flat; maybe things'll change when the connection is up.

Learned a very simple and short choreo (approximately 2 minutes of 'Tainted Love') at pole yesterday. I miss Linna's grace and flair when it comes to performance.

My complexion is going to the shitter. And I'm officially FAT.

And it's all the awesome food I get here ... =|

Looks like I've fallen out of the habit of this daily regurgitation my mundane life.

I'd completely forgotten about the Lunar New Year until this morning, at the farmers market, I heard a Chinese woman greet in Cantonese the old Chinese gentleman I was buying tofu and tau pok from; after a 'good morning', she'd added, "Gong hay fatt choy."

Later in the morning, as I traipsed past a Chinese restaurant, I saw a number of Chinese families having their dim sum. Then it occurred to me: Perhaps they'd take the sight of me - in a red t-shirt, carrying a rice-cooker (was on my way to New World to return it) - a rather lucky one ... No?

The settling down takes a bit of time, I think. A number of items have been unpacked; others, not. I received my 11 kg box (mailed by my Dad from Melbs) yesterday but he'd neglected to include my speakers so ... =( But he did text to say he'll mail it when he returns to Sg.

Maybe I'll spend the rest of my summer (before enrolment and start of school anyway) cooped up in the flat with my books and dvds.

Have yet to set up a landline and internet, which is a bit of a puzzle for me here. Unlimited internet access is almost unheard of, save with an exorbitant price tag running to the hundreds.

Oh well ... back to research.

Gah.

Since I got to NZ, I've been putting on weight. Yes. I believe that happened the very minute I stepped off the plane. Why? Aside from all the dining out, it's the coffee. I should stop the 1 flat white a day habit; I'm getting fat from the milk (not to mention a wee bit of lactose intolerance), but I refused to get the soy or skim milk option ... is yuks.

Also have been getting sunburned; now getting a bit under the weather, prolly from too much sun. And the southerlies.

But mostly the sun, I think.

(And all the fried chicken and sausage rolls and chips, etc. that I've been ingesting.)

Went to see Ghajini last night. Aamir Khan looks pretty good, but he's aging, no longers as boyish.

The show's okay, maybe a little better than the Tamil one I saw on telly some time ago, and I quite like the music by AR Rahman.

But I really doubt I'll watch another full-on masala in the cinema. It takes so long my butt started aching after the intermission ... =|

I find myself spending less time on the internet after arriving here.

Had a fantastic weekend with a drive up to Palmerston North (the place I'd've been at if I had enrolled in Massey; so glad I didn't) where I ingested a 350g piece of sirloin and some lambshank, and then to the Wellington Zoo and surrounding suburbs on Sunday.

Gearing up for the move this Sunday. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly.

I can't believe I haven't been posting daily entries because ... I forget to. (Wait, wuh - right?)

Also, it's sad I've forgotten how to bum. I've been spending this week fretful and guilty about not being at work. I'm a hamster that has lost its wheel ...

Have been thinking about getting a new blog since last month for the new year - I just want the time print to be correct and I don't want to change the time for this one because nearly all entries were made in Singapore.

Hm.

Also, it suddenly struck me how lonely it could be being in NZ because being 5 hours ahead means most of the people I know aren't necessarily online the same time I am.

Am sitting out in C's room because I don't want to freak out the Elusive-Flatmate-Heard-But-Never-Seen. I think he doesn't know he's not alone in the flat and has been singing as he vacuums his room.

Erm ...



(11:18)