Saturday, June 30, 2007

नज़िया हस्सन - 'आप जैसा कोई'

Album: क़ुरबानी OST (1981)

You.

I know, but I'm letting you think that I don't. Or, perhaps, you know that I know and are letting me think that you don't.

Which is it? Am I getting my second chance, or was my first chance never destroyed by my own doing in the first place?

Or had it been destroyed, and all I have now is wishful thinking on my part?

"आप जैसी कोई मेरी ज़िंदगी में आई ..."

Friday, June 29, 2007

श्रेय घोसल - 'सिलसिला ये चाहत का'

Album: देवदास OST (2002)

Walking home from the bus-stop, all of a sudden, inexplicably, I felt cocooned in the old fuzzy and warm sweater of happiness.

'कहे छेड़ मोहे' was the atmosphere in my universe that was sheltered by my deliciously red brolly; lip-synching to the song, my steps jaunty, I was only vaguely reminded of rainy nights in Welly.

In the midst of a lonely trek in the arid desert, the taste of unadulterated happiness is nectar.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Melissa Etheridge - 'Come To My Window'

Album: Yes I Am

Am setting off on my quest tomorrow, alone, to Corbenic. Will I fail by a gasp, like Peredyr Arueu Dur; or will I succeed, like the pious Galahad?

Does it matter that I'm not doing it for me?


(Will also get a consultation for the next tattoo ... if I'm not completely put off by the dodginess of the joint.)

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Tricky - 'Hell Is Round The Corner'

Album: Tricky: A Ruff Guide

'Round the corner' means this Friday for some people.

My own hell is perhaps a little farther down the street.

Being in HR kinda sucks. I feel like I work for the Angel of Death - or Death. Death wields the scythe while I hold the basket into which heads roll.

Worse: everything is "highly confidential", meaning I can't tell anybody, and I just gotta.

I feel so alone and crummy ...

=(

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Nellie McKay with k.d. lang - 'We Got It Right'

Album: Pretty Little Head

Affirmations.

Maybe I need to start doing those, like fifteen times a day. That's fifteen times per affirmation.

Wonder if I could be arsed to do that, and for how long I could be arsed to do it.

Monday, June 25, 2007

कुनाल गंजवाला - 'तू' (Version A)

Album: Mumbai Matinee

I no longer trust my intuition when it comes to people who attract me (on any level); not the least after Charles' ENGL 114 tutorial on which he touched on 'stalker mentality'.

Am such a prime candidate when it comes to stalker mentality ... =(

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Tracy Chapman - 'Give Me One Reason'

Album: New Beginning
Are we all living like this? Two lives, the ideal outer life and the inner imaginative life where we keep our secrets?



Winterson, Jeanette. Sexing The Cherry. London: Vintage, 1990.

सुनिधि चौहान - 'जिस्म'

Album: वैसा भी होता है Part II

As Hege said: We've learned a full four-minute choreography!!

If I were prettier of face, and sexier of figure, I'd be working at the Mermaid (or, a classier joint down Vivian, as Chih'd recommended) for my tuition fees and living expenses.

I'd be back in Welly ...

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Frankie Chan & Roel A. Garcia - 'First Love (Young Lover Blues #1)'

Album: 墮落天使 OST

I hate it when my horoscope dangles a tantalizing piece of hope in front of me and doesn't follow through.

Where's my meeting with the 100% Perfect Girl for me? Where's my fucking falling in love at first sight?

... Bloody cards. You're all of you blank! Duds!

=/

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Bernadette Peters - 'Being Alive'

Album: Sondheim, Etc.: Bernadette Peters Live at Carnegie Hall
When I left England I thought I was running away. Running away from uncertainty and confusion but most of all running away from myself. I thought I might become someone else in time, grafted on to something better and stronger. And then I saw that the running away was a running towards. An effort to catch up with my fleet-footed self, living another life in a different way.



Winterson, Jeanette. Sexing The Cherry. London: Vintage, 1990.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

कैलाश खेर - 'अल्लाह के बंधे'

Album: वैसा भी होता है Part II

Got this wood box puzzle on Sunday; measures about 4" X 2.5" X 1", and appears to have no visible openings or locking mechanism. There's something inside the box rattling it.

Trying to figure out how to open it, I thought about how the box was like my heart, and the unseen, unknown object in it, me.

When I finally manage to open it and get a glimpse of what is in there, I'll close it.

And give it to someone to puzzle over.

I hope that someone won't give up until the box is opened.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Shudder To Think with Nina Persson - 'Appalachian Lullaby'

Album: First Love, Last Rites

Don't know why, but it's getting harder and harder to wake these mornings.

A lot of things, I guess they're born psychosomatically.

I need ... something. Something. Nearly desperately.

And it's not just sleep.

Monday, June 18, 2007

सोनू निगम और श्रेया घोसल - 'धीरे जलना'

Album: पहेली OST (2005)

First thing I'd heard in my head this morning:
धीरे जलना धीरे जलना धीरे जलना
ज़िंदगी की लौ पे जलना
धीरे जलना धीरे जलना धीरे जलना
ज़िंदगी की लौ पे जलना
कांच का सपना गल ही ना जाए
सोच समझके आंच रखना
धीरे जलना धीरे जलना धीरे जलना
धीरे धीरे धीरे धीरे धीरे जलना
होना है जो होना है वोह
होने से रुकता नहीं
आसमान तो झुकता नहीं

(Burn slowly ...
  Burn in the flame of life
  Burn slowly ...
  Burn in the flame of life
  Your fragile dream might melt
  Think carefully before nursing the flame
  Burn slowly ...
  Slowly, slowly ... burn
  What has to happen, will happen
  It won't stop from happening
  just as the sky doesn't lower to the earth

Translation from BollyWHAT
)

Sunday, June 17, 2007

ABBA - 'Dancing Queen'

Album: Greatest Hits

One should own at least one video of a heartwarming story with drag queens as protagonists.

.
.
.

I'm afraid that, not-too-deep-down, I'm really, really, a drag queen at heart.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

वसुदारा दास और काय काय - 'चले जैसे हवाईएँ'

Album: मैं हूँ ना OST

Felt the train of my existence come to a grinding halt today - the squealing protests of the wheels on the tracks, the barely-felt inertia because the train was going really slow anyway.

One thought: one revelation.

But I've forgotten it now.

So the train slowly chugs on. In complete ignorance ... but not bliss.

Friday, June 15, 2007

कविता सुब्रमण्यम और उदित नारायण - 'चलो चले पुरवा'

Album: नायक OST

Yesterday, I missed cuddling.

Today, I missed 'accidental' butterfly kisses on my neck - you know, when you're cuddling that someone, their cheek on your collarbone, and they blink.



I must be PMS-ing.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Tricky - 'Aftermath'

Album:
Then. Then what? Then what happened? What can I say? I like being on my own better than I like anything else, but I can't give up love. Maybe it's the tension between longing and aloneness that I need. My own funicular railway, holding in balance the two things most likely to destroy me.



Winterson, Jeanette. The PowerBook. Great Britain: Jonathan Cape, 2000.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Holly Golightly & The Brokeoffs - 'Jesus Don't Love Me'

Album: You Can't Buy A Gun When You're Crying

Night of one part wonder, two parts coincidence. Sweet ass.



Am resisting and desisting: Hello there Mr. Button, have you met Ms. Finger?

Tee hee hee!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Maximilian Hecker - 'Rose'

Album: Rose

Been looking for the song to hit the aural-emotional sweet spot. Nothing seems right - too soft/too slow/not depressing enough/minor key not minor enough ...

For a moment, I thought 'Rose' could be the one - if I played it loud enough - but now I realize it doesn't, not exactly, not really.

Maybe I need Nirvana ...?

Monday, June 11, 2007

Man Man - 'Engwish Bwudd'

Album: Six Demon Bag

Ang mo men freak me out. Literally.

Which is a wee bit strange because I happen to love (naturally) redheaded chicks - red, orange, carrot-top, strawberry-blond, whatever - there's just something about them.

Man, talk about double-standards ...

Sunday, June 10, 2007

k.d. lang - 'What Better Said'

Album: Invincible Summer
Otto Hoffmann
The quest is to be liberated from the negative, which is really our own will to nothingness. And once having said yes to the instant, the affirmation is contagious. It bursts into a chain of affirmations that knows no limit. To say yes to one instant is to say yes to all of existence.



Waking Life. Richard Linklater, 2001.


Yes ...?

Shivaree - 'New Casablanca'

Album: Who's Got Trouble
Please take me out of here
So we can have a ball
I've been tied up
My face against the wall

Who's got trouble
We've got trouble
Go ahead make mine a double
I do declare I'm in a state
And I just can't wait

Still not over it; can't believe it, but it's true.

I'm still not over it.

Don't seem like I'll ever get over it.

Don't seem like it, at all.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Bon Jovi - 'Someday I'll Be Saturday Night'

Album: Crossroad
To avoid discovery I stay on the run. To discover things for myself I stay on the run.



Winterson, Jeanette. The PowerBook. Great Britain: Jonathan Cape, 2000.
Guess this is a better reason to be running.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Fisher - 'Different Kind Of Wonderful'

Album: Uppers and Downers

With Jeanette Winterson's Art & Lies, I seem to experience a sort of lexical-gustatory synesthesia. Sort of. I could taste her words, but they don't taste of edibles.

Or, maybe, it's more accurate to say I feel her words in my mouth: they are flesh I chew on. In a literal sense, I devour her words.

And this morning, it occurred to me that, in a peripheral, evanascent way, Art & Lies and Four Quartets are somehow ... linked.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Nina Simone - 'Feeling Good'

Album: Feeling Good: The Very Best of Nina Simone

Er.

Was I being flirted with by the records shop owner/manager/whatever? She seemed pretty nice - maybe she was just being friendly.

.
.
.

Why are they all always just being friendly? =(

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Fisher - 'True North'

Album: One
The most awkward fact in all this doubt is this: remembering, which occurs now, at this split second, does not prove that what is being remembered actually occurred at some other time. I may be convinced that it did, especially if a number of others, the more the better, are convinced too. When I am alone, and the experience, the emotion , the event, was mine and mine alone, how can I say for certain that I have not invented the entire episode, including the faithful memory of it?

It could be that this record set before you now is a fiction.



Winterson, Jeanette. Art & Lies: A Piece for Three Voices and a Bawd. Great Britain: Random House UK, 1994.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Jill Scott - 'I'm Not Afraid'

Album: Beautifully Human

Exactly how does one live dangerously?

Spirit is willing but the mind is bewildered.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Dreams Come True - 'Love Love Love'

Album: 嵐が来る

Did that Pinoy girl who lives in the hostel down my block and with whom I take the same bus on most mornings smile at me tonight?

In any case, I know I smiled right at her.

=)

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Yo La Tengo - 'Don't Have To Be So Sad'

Album: Summer Sun

The perfect combination for me would be to take up concurrently a dance, a music, and a language course. So many things, so little time.

I want to get a frivolous white blacklight ink. A spiral of stars, on the inside of my right wrist. This would be prolly the fourth or fifth week running I've been thinking about it. Someone told me not to ("... think about future jobs!"), someone said go to "Go for it!"

Living dangerously and living recklessly: what a thin line.

Jill Philips - 'It Could Happen To Us'

Album: Kissing Jessica Stein

Maybe I just need to find my Helen ...

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Tabla Beat Science - 'Devotional'

Album: Tala Matrix

I realized that is what I want, watching Reggie (Regis?) and Sebastian very much enjoying themselves moonlighting at the Chihuly Lounge: getting paid for doing something I thoroughly enjoy.