The sound of you sleeping

Is it wise to set a timeline, I wonder. Historically, they've done nothing to keep me on track, and I've always, but always, deviated from them. Which makes them an exercise in futility. And yet I persisted in making them. Hm ...

I find myself liking my night antihistamines more and more - they put me to sleep so effortlessly - even the downside (trouble waking up, waking up too groggy) seems negligible. I wish I could take them every night.

Def Leppard - 'Pour Some Sugar On Me'

Album: Hysteria



I wish my parents had pushed me into gymnastics in addition to ballet when I was a kid: Maybe I would've been stronger as a grown-up - and more flexible too.

Those kids - I'm so envious of them - they're doing press handstands. I could weep.

We tried coming down from headstand into a side-split at pole prac today - none of us could it. Not even Jasmine.

Sigh ...

Finally caught WALL·E today (with Jen) - it's awesome! I wanna watch it again! And again!

And again!

Great thread at MeFi too.

Will head on down to Baybeats tomorrow after pole with Jen since the dinner with Aileen and Carrie has been postponed indefinitely.

Starting next month, I will get my act together. Enough with the procrastination already ... =/

The sound of you sleeping

It was a sleepy afternoon until you sent me those texts ...

After which, I was wide awake - but unable to concentrate on my work, because even though I was staring at my spreadsheets, I was fantasizing about ... Stuff. ;)

:::

On a more sombre note: Requiescat in pace, Del Martin.

I'm really glad she and her partner were able to marry. Again.

.

The sound of you sleeping

... but you're sleeping so silently ... =(

Color me nonplussed. Jen and Jit planned a night out at a lesbian bar.

(Wait, wha-? Right?)

And Jen even found this. The article made me giggle so much I almost forgot to roll my eyes at the epitome of lesbian hair (Shane's famed mane in season 2 was so dorky) - I mean, why couldn't it be Alice's or Jenny's (in season 2) or Marina's hair? I love Alice's funky 'dos; and - hello? - did nobody notice what Marina can do with a scarf? (I like Lara's hair too - yeah, okay, I love red hair ...)

Sigh. Okay, off to bed or get really fucked tomorrow.

(Boss already called me "catty" today =( ... I'm bitchy, not catty.)

Dinah Washington - 'Is You Is Or Is You Ain't My Baby' (Rae & Christian remix)

Album: Verve Remixed



Every time I hear the opening beats of this track, I gird my loins (figuratively and literally) for some 5 minutes' worth of crunches ... Because that's how we've been starting pole class for weeks now. (Paging Dr. Pavlov.)

Skipped exotic class today because - egads! - I forgot to bring my shoes. This has never happened - evar - except in my dreams. And, by gawd, I only realized I'd forgotten when it was close to noon.

Must. Go. For. Pole. Tomorrow.

K's Choice - 'I'm Not An Addict'

Album: Paradise In Me



Actually, I'd lost some skin to the burns after all ... Sigh.

Saw the doc tonight and asked him (by-the-way) to measure my hemoglobin count - I'm up 1.0 g/dL from my last blood test (about 8 months ago), but still below the average of 12.0 g/dL for females. Can't stop taking the folic acid evar, said the doc ... Sigh.

Also weighed myself while in the doc's waiting room - I've put on 4 kgs since last year! ... Sigh.

But now I got pills (for the flu) that'll put me to sleep at night (hopefully) ... Yay!

The sound of you sleeping

It's been raining the whole weekend (how awesome?) and it feels like year-end already. I must've caught some bug again because my head feels like it's about explode - again.

But I'm so glad you're home, baby.

Midge Ure - 'Breathe'

Album: Breathe



I crave coffee - the smell, the taste. Had to have one (a kopi peng) after pole prac today, and it was a strong one, so now, even though I'm yawning, I can't sleep.

And I feel hungry even though I had leftover noodles (from lunch) around two hours ago.

I want some insane all-out dance night ... But now I'm too embarrassed by the way I dance to do it in public. With a guy.

Sigh.

I think I'm ready to crash.

My upper body aches badly, especially the right side of (the back of) my ribs. I'm 50% sure it's the muscles in the area that hurt, not the ribs themselves. I'm also having twinges in my left elbow, which is driving me nuts because every time I have a twinge, it affects my ability to use that arm.

All that aside, I'm thinking of taking up pilates because I couldn't find any contortionist classes here. Also, if I could find aerial silk classes, I'm there.

The sound of you sleeping

I miss you, baby.

So tired ... and my right side hurts.

I figured out what's wrong with my shoulder mount (video-taping helps), but ... I still have a long way to go to get there. My core muscles are abysmal.

I don't want to think tonight ...

Ruthie Henshall - 'I Dreamed A Dream'

Album: Les Misérables 10^th Anniversary Concert



I think I need Mephisto around, physically. He serves as a reminder and will keep me on track, otherwise I forget, get sidetracked, lose track, and get stressed and scared just thinking - what he called "chasing your own tail [until] you get sucked up your ass".

Managed a headstand yesterday, and a handstand today - things I couldn't do as a nubile teen (including splits), I'm doing it as an old woman. "You're still very young," is what those men tell me; then again, they each have at least half a decade of experience, of course I'm still "very young" to them.

"Very young" - and feckless, I think.

Lea Salonga - 'On My Own'

Album: Les Misérables 10^th Anniversary Concert



I've been thinking a lot of Philip Larkin's 'This Be The Verse', especially when it comes to my boss, and since Saturday.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Read it when I was 12, and it'd stuck with me through the years. Can't be more true.

The sound of you sleeping

Still feeling a little disassociated, yet am indubitably affected by last night's events.

The next time Mephisto talks about my 'boyfriend', I'm going to set things straight. I only hope it doesn't come back to bite me in the ass somehow.

As I've said before, that bunch of ol' boys gossip like the best of fishwives - if not better.

The sound of you sleeping

I wish you or Rach could give me a hug tonight.

I'm beginning to feel violated and a little grimy. I don't like being touched by strange men, and I don't like talking about things I don't want to talk about.

In the shuttle, as we turned into Clarke Quay, a voice in my head told me I was going to lose my 'innocence' - naivety, if you will, about the real world - tonight, and it was right.

My fault for not being able to say no, and my accursed sense of responsibility; I walked into it with eyes wide open.

I just gotta suck it up. Suck it up.

Anna Netrebko - 'Follie! ... follie! ... Sempre libera'

Album: Verdi: La Traviata



I'm in the office now, alone and bored. I've been here since 08:15 and the meeting has since ended, with everybody waiting in line to have a one-on-one meeting with my boss and the head honcho.

If only time were malleable: I'd shorten it until my pole class, whereupon I'd stretched it out as long as I possibly could, and then shorten it for the dinner I had to attend, until I could get home and collapse in bed.

Sigh.

Nice to be able to blast arias in the office though.

Le Tigre - 'On The Verge'

Album: This Island



Fuck, I'm tired.

Tomorrow, then I'm free of it.

This is prolly very educational ... but I don't know what to make of it.

I'm stupid.

Mz Ann Thropik - 'Off With Your Head'

Album: Sweet Love Beat



FUCK.

That's an extremely frustrated, furious, yet futile invective vented on tomorrow and the day after.

FUCK.

FUCK.

FUCK.

FUCK.

FUCK.

The sound of you sleeping

So much laughter at pole prac today! We all felt all the stiffer and weaker for last week's missing class and practice session.

Mephisto told me today I'll've to be at the dinner on Saturday night, which means I'll miss some of pole (if not completely). The only thing that keeps me happy here is pole; to take that away from me - even for a week (nevermind two weeks in a row) - well, I'd sooner quit my job than miss pole. Truly.

It's depressing me, and I don't want to go down that rut again.

Responsibility is a self-righteous fucker.

The sound of you sleeping

I want, so very much, for this Saturday to come - so I can finally attend pole. But, at the same time, I dread - with almost the same degree of intensity - the approaching Friday ... and Saturday.

The last time I can remember feeling like this was back in school, during a study break, with passages and texts to read and analyze and memorize. I couldn't wait to be free of my exams - but first, I'd have to take them ...

If only I could take pole classes five (or even six) days a week.

Sigh.

It occurred to me today that the commute to and from work is beginning to bore me. Intensely.

It's also being trapped being a rock and a hard place with the likes of our "efficient" transportation system. Yes, it's not a bad one - comparatively - but using it daily sure feels like purgatory.

The sound of you sleeping

I feel so, so, so cheated of my once-a-week window of joy - pole class and practice session.

=(

The sound of you sleeping

Finished a book today, and has begun two others. One of which failed to capture my interest even after 10 pages, so I focused on the other one, which - thank goodness - managed to get more page-turningly attractive as I went along.

It's been so long since I read.

Is why I don't like working and prefer to be in school - I read more in school, and not just because I have to.

The sound of you sleeping

Tonight's dinner: Salmon sashimi (could've been fresher), and miso chashu ramen at Ichibantei (Liang Court) which got progressively saltier until I couldn't finish my third slice of chashu; then, dessert of apple crumble (more crumble than apple, damnit!) and tea at Nectarie (Jen's waffle with red wine pear was slightly better, but perhaps the pear could've been juicer, and the cinnamon more subtle).

Also: Borrowed 8 books today. I haven't stepped into the library for so long, nearly every book I picked up looked interesting.

Hope to spend my weekend reading (thus avoiding local telly with its annual evil propoganda speech broadcast).

Thursday's child has far to go ...

Yet I always seem to crash on Thursdays.

Thursday is crash day.

The sound of you sleeping

Managed to do the shoulder mount all on my own tonight - and a few times at that. (Go, me!) Of course, I looked extremely ungainly doing that, but I'm hoping it'll get better with time (when the body learns to effectively use the right muscles).

Left my top at the studio though - must remember to call the studio first thing tomorrow morning so I can (hopefully) collect it at lunch.

Whether I - or anybody else - like it or not, in my life, dance supersedes work.

The sound of you sleeping

So ... the pole dance competition. I've been thinking about it, and I've got a piece of music that'd be good for a choreography (and it clocks in perfectly too at 02:50).

Anyway. It's a thought - just a thought.

And - salt on ulcers. Literally.

Fucking ouch, then - a slow burn.

I hope I could find someone to attend ContraDiction IV with - would be sad if I have to miss it again this year.

Suddenly felt like diving into a pool - like the one at Gallery Hotel - on my way home this evening. It does seem like a long, long time since I was anywhere even near a pool.

Maybe we should've gone to the pool when we had our weekend at Gallery ... But then we wouldn't've been able to skinny-dip anyway.

Right shoulder aches, and there's a bruise around my right shoulder blade. I think it's the hanging bow and arrow more than the attempts at the shoulder mount though.

Not looking forward to work at all.

Not at all.

Shoulder mount. That's one of the things you start off with sheer brute stubborn strength before your body smartens up and starts using the right muscles at the right time - which is when you 'get it' and muscle memory kicks in.

Sheer brute stubborn strength - that's what I use.

Wonder how long before that'll break me ...

The sound of you sleeping

My Little India dinner then I came home ... and fell asleep.

Then I called you.

Then I fell back asleep.

Then I woke up to shower and wash my hair.

Now I go back to sleep. Again.

I'm so tired ...