Still packing.

Sigh.

Last minute packer ...

Buy buy buy. Pack pack pack.

Sigh.

I tend to overpack. I'm packing my speakers. Seriously. I feel like I need those things. Can't do without music.

Had the most ... inexplicable dream last night. Definitely not from stress.

Started packing today ... a wee, wee bit.

Then I went to SY's house (pole) party. I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would, even with my little accident (dress slipped and my boob popped out - Joey assured me only she saw it, but I seriously doubt it).

At the end of the party, the girls that were there surprised me with a farewell pressie - a personalized (pole) calendar! That really touched me; I worry they'd forget me.

It's kinda sad - with my leaving, Daphne's (unplanned) pregnancy, and Jessy's transfer to private classes, the class might be too small to run. It'd be awful if everybody had to split up and joined different classes ... =(

Meena Kumari ft. Khayyam - 'चाँद तनहा है'

चांद तन्‍हा है आसमां तन्‍हा
दिल मिला है कहां कहां तन्‍हा

chaaNd tanhaa hai aasmaaN tanhaa
dil milaa hai kahaaN kahaaN tanhaa

बुझ गई आस छुप गया तारा
थार-थराता रहा धुंआ तनहा

bujh gaii aas chhup gayaa taaraa
thar-tharaataa rahaa dhuaaN tanhaa

जिंदगी क्‍या इसी को कहते हैं
जिस्‍म तन्‍हा है और हां तन्‍हां

zindagii kyaa isii ko kahte haiN
jism tanhaa hai aur jaaN tanhaa

हमसफर कोई गर मिले भी कहीं
दोनों चलते रहे तन्‍हा तन्‍हा

ham-safar ko'ii gar mile bhi kahiiN
donoN chalte rahe tanhaa tanhaa

जलती बुझती सी रोशनी के परे
सिमटा सिमटा सा इक मकां तन्‍हां

jaltii bujhtii si raushnii ke pare
simTaa simTaa sa ek makaaN tanhaa

राह देखा करेगा सदियों तक
छोड़ जायेंगे ये जहां तन्‍हा

raaH dekhaa karegaa sadiyoN tak
chhoR jaayeNge ye jahaaN tanhaa


Translation:
Moon is alone and sky is alone
My heart goes alone on the journey
Day has brought the light but the hope is lost

My existence trembles alone
Is this the life
Where body and soul walk separately

Though I found companion during my journey
We kept walking separately

Far away on other side of that dim light
I see a small, closed and confined heart
It will wait for me for ages

After I walk alone from this world

Try as I might, I couldn't locate this CD in Singapore, nor my Dad in India. I can't even begin to explain how and why I love Meena Kumari so much.

'Tis true I've always been attracted to sorrow and melancholia.

Stupid Blogger wouldn't give me access last night.

Last day in the office today although I asked that my email account not be deleted until Jen starts. I leave in a few days and haven't packed! Yikes!

Was stressed earlier on thinking about the move, but am feeling more optimistic now. There's a number of things I wanna do next year in addition to my degree. Hopefully I'd have the resources and time to do them all.

Realized today that Mephisto is my new hero, the closest one to Stephen Fry - Mephisto can be witty, speaks 4 languagues, and had studied Latin. My hero! I want to be like him when I grow up - minus the abrasive, caustic, and emotionally unavailable bits.

Also, I don't think I wanna grow old alone ...

Watched (in this order): Being Cyrus (sorta funny, nice twist - Dimple! Kapadia!), Woh Kaun Thi? (sorta interesting; nice music), and Chak De India.

I totally love Chak De India! It's the Bollywood feel-good - enough tension and tears-swelling (with pride) moments to make it a thoroughly enjoyable ride - and as soon as it ended, I couldn't wait to watch it again, especially one of my favorite bits.

Women. Hockey. Kicking ass. 'Nuff said - what's not to love?

Well ... maybe the role of the coach could've gone to someone like Rahul Bose or Aamir Khan. SRK's tears-in-eyes shtick should be restricted to his family/rom-com movies. Every time I saw tears in his eyes in the movie, millions of Rajs and Rahuls, nightmares of assorted Karan Johar flicks, and SLB's Devdas flashed before my eyes.

Thought today might be a good day when I woke up to learn I'd been granted the Graduate Award and good weather (sunny, windy). Was pretty surprise about the Graduate Award - I applied last year too, but didn't get it.

This just means I might be able to put away NZD 5,000 in a fixed deposit.

And that I gotta remember how to be a good student next year ... I think. =|

Nellie McKay - 'Cupcake'

Album: Pretty Little Head

Cupcake - Nellie McKay

You know, I really thought I'd be upset. Like, really upset. Goddess knows, I was completely miserable the last time I said arrivederci.

Last words from the boss today, "If I don't see you again, enjoy the rest of your life."

I must've rolled my eyes or smiled (or both) in response; didn't say goodbye though. I've a feeling I might see him again, but I'm not holding my breath.

Bought Chak De India, Bunty aur Babli, Woh Kaun Thi? (yay! When I find Anita, I'd have the complete trilogy!), and Jab We Met today when I was in Mustafa doing a bit of comparative shopping (needed to stock up on sanitary pads and some toiletries before leaving) - my preventive remedy.

What I saw in the bus yesterday morning:



(On the left: a bible; on the right: I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist. Snort.)

A.R. Rahman & Shweta Shetty - 'Mangta Hai Kya'

Album: Rangeela OST

Mangta Hai Kya - AR Rahman

I've finally come to really realized today that if I want something that's available and being offered, I shouldn't be shy about voicing out my desire; as I was told by both C and her mother last year: Be shameless about it.

Was withdrawn and quiet (and a little down) during dinner, but I'm usually quiet when the boss is around, and I was sitting next to the boss. I'm a natural audience (read: wallflower) and he's a natural showman.

But I feel so much better now - so good that I've been wondering what a sausage wrapped with bacon (pig-in-a-blanket) means (other than a massive coronary waiting to happen). There's something vaguely dirty and lewd about it ... =|

Squeeeeeeee!

I have to say, today - tonight - has been pretty fucking awesome. Still hyped up from the Christmas Pole Jam even though I didn't ingest any of the sugary sins offered and suffered the mother of a calf cramp midway. I won 2 pressies too!

Looking forward to SY's Christmas party next week (hopefully there'll be an impromptu pole jam); disappointed I'll be missing Kimi's housewarming party next month. I'm gonna miss my pole-mates - for once, I feel like I really belong somewhere.

(Today: "You're gonna realize later that I liked you." (Past tense?, I'd thought, but only responded with a Gallic shrug.) हाँ, वह शैतान है, मगर मुझ को बहुत पसंद है.)

High today, low tomorrow. (Actually, I predict Friday's the day.)

Well, a little over an hour before the Christmas Pole Jam. Am in the office, having done with a not-good-at-all dinner; I should go shopping instead of sitting on my bum in the office web-surfing.

But I'd picked up my tin of cookies (CranLychee) from the Cookie Museum, and have another 500g bag of cookies (bought on sale months ago from Candy Empire) to lug around. So ... =|

I want something hot and sweet to drink, but the hot chocolates served in coffee places around here give me the runs. Very bad runs.

Sigh. But ... I want something hot and sweet and decaffeinated!

Asha Bhosle & Mohd. Rafi - 'Yeh Ladka Hai Allah'

Album: Hum Kisise Kum Nahin

Yeh Ladka Hai Allah - Asha Bhosle & Mohd. Rafi

Today: "Are you sure ...?", and, "Are you booked -?" (- "Yes.") सलाह कमीना! =/

Tomorrow: Christmas Pole Jam! Yay!


What's with the dreams I've been having of late? Sigh ... Well, I don't mind if they get whatever it is outta my system.

Asha Bhosle - 'Tanha Tanha'

Album: Rangeela OST

Tanha Tanha Yahan Pe Jeena - Asha Bhonsle

I know he's doing it on purpose to annoy me.

"You're really leaving ...?" my ass! "Our girl's leaving ..." my ass!

कमीना! वोह मुझे तंग क्यों कर रहा है? >=/

शैतान!

Was so tired yesterday after 2 hours of pole followed immediately by 4 hours in the office, by the time I got home, I was barely conscious.

Slept for nearly 12 hours - but with a huge production of a dream which had me waking up at intervals.

My back feels really bad. It's been that way for the past week or two. I hope it's just the weather ... and lack of pole.

=(

Duffy - 'Mercy'

Album: Rockferry



This song has some kinda hold on me ...

Anyway, so it occurred to me as I was walking Doggie tonight what (or part thereof) I've been experiencing is separation anxiety. I've gotten attached, and the impending separation is fraught with stress and anxiety for me.

Today the dotted lines were signed, so that's a bit of closure ... I guess, I hope.

Okay. Crash night. I laughed so much last night I was unable to fall asleep - and that too being bone-tired and after taking an Actifed pill.

Great dinner!

I want to rename the Unholy Trinity 'The Kinsey Scale'!

I keep thinking gatherings like these should be recorded for when I'm too old to eat and drink like a champion, and too decrepit to walk and laugh and yak (all at the same time).

Or, the video records could be spliced into a post-millennial 'Reality Bites (For The GLBT & Straight Alike)' of sorts.

Then I'd be able to look back and laugh my ass off, as I had tonight.

If I were old enough, I might even be able to die laughing.

Literally.

Had a terrible sleep last night because I had scary dreams which had me trying to avoid being mauled by a bunch of tigers, then getting tricked and rough-handled by someone I was too trusting towards, and finally trying to keep from falling into the river as I crossed from the pier to a vessel.

Still, I had no recollection of waking up with a heavily thudding heart even though I do remember the dreams and my waking up at some point.

Sigh.

=(

Gimme pole!

Duffy - 'Mercy'

Album: Rockferry



GR (EVP of Ops) dropped by our office today, being in town for some training our other local offices needed. He shook my hand, said, "I've heard a lot about you."

I didn't think much of it until my colleague (yes, the same one) finally told me why the CNHK MD had been talking about me to GR. But she didn't say what he'd talked about.

Bah! I stand by my previous opinion: Buncha fishwives!

=|

Good holiday. All I did was sit around and watch videos, and drink (instant) coffee.

Watching Hum Tum and KKHH for the umpteenth time, I figured if there's one thing that'd make me wanna marry (a guy) and hold a wedding - while simultaneously putting me off those things - it'd've to be Bollywood.

And the reason I watch Bollywood - besides beautiful people, beautiful clothes, beautiful songs, and WTF-dance sequences - is prolly the same one that makes Twilight so popular. (I'm guessing, because I've never read the series nor watched the movie - all I did was read why it might be so popular, and that rang really true for me during my pre-teen and adolescent years.)

Best find of the day:

I love Ms. Cho's tats! Have been thinking of visiting Alex again.

Hmm ...

Pole! From 16:30 to 19:45! How totally awesome is that? (Granted, I might not be able to climb outta bed tomorrow, and/or walk like I'm a decrepit centenarian - still ...)

I really wish I could Felix when I grow up ... even though I quite doubt she's entirely human ...

If she's gonna be doing Zumanity in Vegas, I want a front row seat!



Felix has set the bar pretty damn high ...

Sarah McLachlan - 'Ice Cream'

Album: Mirrorball



This song's been in my head lately. I think it began with rewatching a bit of Better Than Chocolate - by accident, I might add - which, of course, was named for the song. That was almost immediately followed by finding myself listening to SY sing it at her wedding dinner.

She apparently loved this song, so she not only sang it at the wedding dinner to her husband, she had her bridesmaids put it as a 'task' in the 'traditional' list of usually-embarrassing stunts the groom and his entourage of 'brothers' had to pull to be allowed into the bride's home.

That struck me as ... ironic - because of something'd told me.



Finished re-reading A Zen Romance ... for the Goddess-knows-how-many-times since 1999. I find that it calms me down, and helps me deal with change and moving - a bit like This Place Has No Atmosphere which, alas, I'd outgrown (a little).

Duffy - 'Mercy'

Album: Rockferry



Today, I was seized by a sudden fit of impulse: I was so, so, so tempted to send in an order for a 45mm chrome X-Pole.

It's only AUD 550 (including shipping) from X-Pole Australia whereas Kiwi Pole Fitness (in Lower Hutt) is retailing only the 50mm - and at NZD 890 and NZD 990 for the chrome and titanium respectively!

Okay, so I have one more reason to drop by SYD: Pick up an X-Pole.

I want one so bad it's not even funny ... =(

But the disappointing lack of a proper sturdy ceiling/beam keeps me from owning my dream 45mm, as well as a 50mm (I believe in mastering the international standard width).

Bad case of diarrhea last night and today. Must be the instant pasta I made. Or the instant hot chocolate.

Or both. =/ Had a terrible sleep, of course, waking up at some god-forsaken hour with a really, really, really bad tummy-ache.

The boss, having flew in from SYD yesterday afternoon, told me today that I ought to visit that city as it's just beautiful. He suggested I drop by for a few days en route to AKL; I told him it's not on the way. He scoffed and said I and "dearly beloved" (his words - that's what he's taken to calling her) could have a little holiday there.

Well, never say never - but if I were ever to drop by SYD, it'd be for at least one of a few things: Bobbi's Pole Studio, Mardi Gras, or someone I really miss.

Duffy - 'Mercy'

Album: Rockferry



I think I might be over the melt-down ... for now. The smear of residue of which still remains is a mixture of reluctance and your basic recipe for stress.



On a completely different topic, I have a theory: Whatever song Linna does a choreo to, I think it'll become my next earworm.

Duffy - 'Mercy'

Album: Rockferry



Tomorrow, if all goes well, I'll head off to NZIS to get my visa endorsed.


This song makes me wanna dance. Even though I'm physically exhausted and achey like an old woman and need sleep like a baby, I feel ... like dancing.

Song's just so damn perky!