Monday, March 31, 2008

My cough is killing me.

As is my throat.

Among other things.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

I should go to a taxidermist or something and rent a fucking backbone.

And a brain.

Oh gawd, a brain. A decisive one.

eels - 'Climbing to the Moon'

Album: Electro-shock Blues


It's getting hard to tell where
What I am ends and
What they're making me begins

I won't be denied this time
'Fore I go out of my mind
Over matters
Got my foot on the ladder and
I'm climbing up to the moon

If only I really could.

I know Rach means well, and, intellectually, I know she's right; but right now, what she's telling me is just tearing me farther apart.

How can anybody know what they want and don't know what they want simultaneously?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Adele - 'Make You Feel My Love' (Bob Dylan cover)

Album: 19



There are times I feel as if I only serve to fill the little gaps in your life, between your music, your work, your school, and your friends; whereas I'm struggling to fill the gaps you leave in my life with dance, dance, dance. But then I think to myself, it's okay; I'd rather be an inconsequential filler than not be wanted at all.

There's a part of me that feels ashamed and appalled by that.

And then there's that other thing. Which makes me feel even more insecure.

And that makes me all the more disgusted with myself.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Adele - 'Make You Feel My Love' (Bob Dylan cover)

Album: 19



Today's word is: Sweetheart.



Withdrawal symptoms ... Hm. Interesting diagnosis.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Frames - 'Star Star (Pure Imagination)'

Album: Set List



Um ...

I think I'm falling ill. I'm achey all over, my head feels heavy, and my throat feels swollen.

=(

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The Frames - 'Star Star (Pure Imagination)'

Album: Set List



The word I learned today is precarious:

–adjective
  1. dependent on circumstances beyond one's control; uncertain; unstable; insecure
  2. dependent on the will or pleasure of another; liable to be withdrawn or lost at the will of another
  3. exposed to or involving danger; dangerous; perilous; risky
  4. having insufficient, little, or no foundation: a precarious assumption.

[Origin: 1640–50; < L precārius obtained by entreaty or mere favor, hence uncertain.]

Precarious. My balance is precarious.

Monday, March 24, 2008

The Frames - 'Star Star (Pure Imagination)'

Album: Set List



A hundred words will not suffice tonight.

I don't know what I'd do without Rach. What will I do when she does leave?

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Must remember not to get used to this.

I cannot.

Must not.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Shreyal Ghosal and Sonu Nigam - 'पल पल हार पल'

Album: लगे रहो मुन्ना भाई OST



I see you in eighteen hours!

And the weekend is ours - I hope.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Broadcast - 'Where Youth And Laughter Go'

Album: The Future Crayon



... And on to Rach's birthday on the 20th.

I was poor company tonight though. I don't know why ... I just feel so low.

=(

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Bishop Allen - 'Things Are What You Make Of Them'

Album: Charm School



A day of highs and lows.

Lowest (and first thing in the morning, too): I fucked up ... again. My inaptitude is astounding; I manage to screw up in carrying out the simplest and smallest of tasks. Why has my boss not fired me already?

Highest (last thing this evening): Dinner with my lovely ladies and SH! Another of my favorite girls (and my first ... erm, 'question mark'), I was surprised at how shocked (and ... disappointed?) that she's getting married in three months.

=(

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Natural Calamity - 'And That's Saying A Lot' (Natural Calamity Alt Remix)

Album: Hed Kandi: Winter Chill Vol. 3



Every so often, I'd remember how much I miss learning new choreo and rehearsals.

Still feeling a little tender, but nothing a generous dollop of gratuitous violence can't (continue to) assuage.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Where did all the crushed bits disappear to?

Now there's only ... emptiness.
Crushed.

I'm so crushed, crushed.

I shouldn't be - but I am.

And that's so wrong of me ...

Friday, March 14, 2008

Bishop Allen - 'Eve of Destruction'

Album: Charm School



I foresee a minor catastrophe tomorrow, weather notwithstanding. I've always forgotten it's not really a good idea to introduce friends belonging to different parts of your life to one another.

Fingers crossed for the best; entirely prepared for disaster.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Amadou and Mariam - 'Mon Amour, Mon Cherie'

Album: Mali to Memphis



When I went into Mephisto's office to get him to sign a document, he told me to read an email he'd received from his last "live-in girlfriend" - "the prettiest creature, a Singapore Girl; I was forty-six, she was twenty". He seemed quite happy to hear from her.

Moments later, he skipped happily out of his office, calling over his shoulder to me (seemingly apropos of nothing to me), "Whatever life had done to you in the past, I'll fix it - you'll be human again."

Great. He thinks knows I'm damaged ... =|

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sonny Boy Williamson II - 'It's Sad To Be Alone'

Album: The Blues Collection



Said Mephisto to me just as lightning lit up the gray skies outside the window, "Deliver yourself into you my hands; I swear, in six months, you'll be happier than a clam at high tide."

Caveat emptor I: Said he also, "... 'a clam at high tide' - that's a saying, an idiom ..."

Caveat emptor II: This is the selfsame man who'd professed to not believe in happiness as "happiness is an abstract - so what is happiness to you isn't happiness to another".

Deliver myself into the devil's hands?

Maybe ...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Perez Prado ft. Rosemary Clooney - 'Sway'

Album: More Music To Watch Girls By

I wonder if it would be possible - and wise - to take on six dance classes concurrently.

But that would mean I wouldn't have time for cello and German classes ...

Delicious dilemma, this.

Perez Prado f. Rosemary Clooney - 'Sway'

Album: More Music To Watch Girls By



Oh. My. Gaaaawd.

Seven hours of (mostly) dance classes yesterday - Intensive Stretch, Pole-xercise, Exotic Dance, Ladies Styling, Bachata, Casino Rueda, and Tango - I'm aching all over. And I think my Ladies Styling class today aggravated the sore muscles from butt down. I never thought dancing in heels would be such an exercise ...

Anyways. On to beginners 2 this Wed! (Hope Pole-licious 2 starts the same Saturday Pole-licious 1 ends - I'd love to do two hours of pole in a day!)

And ... Next Friday is coming!

Sunday, March 09, 2008

K's Choice - 'I'm Not An Addict'

Album: Paradise In Me



There's something I shouldn't really be thinking about which I want so badly ... And there's the other thing, which I also want.

Each serves as a distraction from the other, keeping each other in check - a finely-tuned balancing act. But right now, the scale's tilting very dangerously to one direction and I can't have that. To want something I shouldn't want at all makes me feel doubly bad.

I need a third distraction in this mix.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Goldfrapp - 'Number One'

Album: Supernature



Learned tonight that the key to alleviating disappointment is to remember that not everything is about me, especially if it involved another person and what should happen is actually better for them than it is bad for me.

That being said, I'm quite excited about tomorrow - I just hope I wouldn't be too terribly disappointed by my excitement.

Such a lovely evening with Jen and Aileen; we made plans to do it one night every month.
Bored. A little sleepy, but ...

Can't really sleep.

Friday, March 07, 2008

30 Seconds To Mars - 'Attack'

Album: A Beautiful Lie



Not sure why I have this song in my head ever since I got home.

Anyway. Had lunch and a long chat (over coffee, in my office) with my favorite girl. I don't think I can measure or put into words exactly how much I love and admire and respect her.

Also: Completed first module of salsa today. Back feels pretty okay so far, the ache has subsided. I'm gonna go ahead with the six classes I'd planned to do this Sunday from 10:00 to 17:00.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Orange And Lemons - 'Let Me'

Album: Moonlane Gardens



Completed season four of The L Word in the office today, and have started on season five.

Is it me, or is the series going from bad to worse? Can they possibly fuck any more?And what's with the Jenny character - she's gone past obnoxious bitch into unchartered territories!

Can't wait for season three of Heroes!

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Luz Casal - 'Un Año de Amor'

Album: The L Word Enhanced Soundtrack



This evening with Aileen, Alwyn, Carrie, Diana, and Jen was lovely. Over dessert, Jen mentioned those born in the year of the rooster will experience 桃花 - which may or may not always be a good thing.

I say bring it on, sister.



(Famous last words?)

Monday, March 03, 2008

Bishop Allen - 'Things Are What You Make Of Them'

Album: Charm School



You know, it's only 3rd March, but I think I've been to the doc's more times in this year alone than I had the last two years combined.

Point: When I stepped into the doc's this evening, the receptionist (a new one) recognized me and called me by my first name.

Badtimingytis strikes again - in the form of a relapsed prolapsed disc this time, my fourth since 2003. Fingers crossed the next '-lapsed' wouldn't be collapsed.

FUCK.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

The Shins - 'Caring is Creepy'

Album: Oh, Inverted World



"I've always wished I had an older brother," I said.

"You want to be taken care of." Not a question; a statement.

I thought about it. "Yeah ... I just want someone who'd take care of me, be on my side, make sure I don't get bullied and all that, you know?"

And I have to wonder if that would be so wrong, to want that.

Jamie Lidell ft. Jose Gonzales - 'Multiply (In A Minor Key)'

Album: Multiply Additions



I feel like there's so much in my head it's gonna explode - but ... no. It's just one thing. One. Fucking Thing. I don't know why or how I'd let it grown so huge it's become a full-blown obsession I can't get it out of my fucking head.

And the cherry on top of this is - I shouldn't be obsessing over it at all. I've something else I need to focus on.



Was sitting on the couch just now and had a great big sneeze that completely threw my lower back. FUCK.

FUCK.
Rach defined a relationship as something you invest time and money in: Food for thought for me there.

I made Praveen walk to the Gallery Hotel with me and we found a nice hangout spot there; eM, I think it's called (or something). Lovely night out.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

I wish I had a super power (yes, I've been power-watching Heroes seasons one and two).