Album: From Dusk Til Dawn OST
Horoscope suggested it; I took it. Played hooky from work. Was so tired I felt I could collapse.
Went back to bed around 9 AM and woke up just in time for lunch. Watched Invisible Waves (Tadanobu has lovely hair!).
Hmm. I like playing hooky.
Think I'll go dance now.
As of this moment, this is the best advice a horoscope has ever given.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Ennio Morricone - 'Paranoia Prima'
Album: Death Proof OST
Occurred to me today that I should be fretting over whether or not that boy would post all those pictures he took of Jit and me on Saturday; but then I remembered: The more salacious the shot, the more obscured my face had been. 'Tis all good. Still, I shall be mighty pissed off if I found anything online ...
On the the bleaker side, was asked if I'd be into a threesome.
So tired these days I feel dizzy half the time. The cab driver reminded me that the lack of sleep would lead to older-looking skin.
Will resolve to sleep earlier on weekdays.
Occurred to me today that I should be fretting over whether or not that boy would post all those pictures he took of Jit and me on Saturday; but then I remembered: The more salacious the shot, the more obscured my face had been. 'Tis all good. Still, I shall be mighty pissed off if I found anything online ...
On the the bleaker side, was asked if I'd be into a threesome.
So tired these days I feel dizzy half the time. The cab driver reminded me that the lack of sleep would lead to older-looking skin.
Will resolve to sleep earlier on weekdays.
Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich - 'Hold Tight'
Album: Death Proof OST
The first of the goodbyes have started. Hege, today; Saket, tomorrow. Later on, Min; and still later on, Rach. I don't know if I'd ever say goodbye myself.
People come, and people go; I just wish some of them would stay a little longer. Especially those who have made such a difference in my life, who have helped shaped a part of what and who I am now.
But I also hope this means I'll be saying hellos real soon, too, to new people, and to the familiar ones who should return.
तो अलविदा नहीं - फिर मिलेंगे मेरे दोस्तों.
The first of the goodbyes have started. Hege, today; Saket, tomorrow. Later on, Min; and still later on, Rach. I don't know if I'd ever say goodbye myself.
People come, and people go; I just wish some of them would stay a little longer. Especially those who have made such a difference in my life, who have helped shaped a part of what and who I am now.
But I also hope this means I'll be saying hellos real soon, too, to new people, and to the familiar ones who should return.
तो अलविदा नहीं - फिर मिलेंगे मेरे दोस्तों.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Tito & Las Tarantulas - 'After Dark'
Album: From Dusk Til Dawn OST
Retroactively unsatisfied.
I want to dance some more. I want to learn new moves.
Gotta stop dirty dancing.
Retroactively unsatisfied.
I want to dance some more. I want to learn new moves.
Gotta stop dirty dancing.
Coasters - 'Down In Mexico'
Album: Death Proof OST
Hungry as hell. Pissed off that my high had worn off before I got home.
Insult to injury: I feel so cheap and used too.
I will consider being a fluffer again - but only if I get paid to do it. No more dirty dancing. No more getting it on with a prick-tease.
Gah. Wash make-up off. Brush teeth. Shower. Moisturize lips. To bed.
Desmond's gonna be exasperated with me the next time I go to him (prolly Tuesday); especially after Sanice told me (just on Friday) that my baby was healing well, too.
=(
Hungry as hell. Pissed off that my high had worn off before I got home.
Insult to injury: I feel so cheap and used too.
I will consider being a fluffer again - but only if I get paid to do it. No more dirty dancing. No more getting it on with a prick-tease.
Gah. Wash make-up off. Brush teeth. Shower. Moisturize lips. To bed.
Desmond's gonna be exasperated with me the next time I go to him (prolly Tuesday); especially after Sanice told me (just on Friday) that my baby was healing well, too.
=(
Friday, October 26, 2007
Nine Inch Nails - 'The Downward Spiral'
Album: The Downward Spiral
So the blood tests results came back. I was expecting a clean bill; it wasn't. Nothing too serious according to my doc; the results read:
Bottom-line: 15-25% of my blood is "bad" (his word), and I prolly have alpha thalassemia trait.
I've always known I was defected, but the older I get, I realize I'm actually more defected than I'd thought. According to Wikipedia, "Thalassemia Minor often coexists with other diseases such as asthma[5], and mood disorders[6]."
Both physically and psychologically defected.
Not only am I cursed by the stars, I'm also damaged goods ...
=...(
So the blood tests results came back. I was expecting a clean bill; it wasn't. Nothing too serious according to my doc; the results read:
Dyserythropoietic changes present suggestive of thalassaemia trait. There is a mild leucopenia. No early cell seen.
Bottom-line: 15-25% of my blood is "bad" (his word), and I prolly have alpha thalassemia trait.
I've always known I was defected, but the older I get, I realize I'm actually more defected than I'd thought. According to Wikipedia, "Thalassemia Minor often coexists with other diseases such as asthma[5], and mood disorders[6]."
Both physically and psychologically defected.
Not only am I cursed by the stars, I'm also damaged goods ...
=...(
Thursday, October 25, 2007
The Mountain Goats - 'Love Love Love'
Album: The Sunset Tree
This is my one and only achievement in an otherwise completely unproductive day:
I won spectactularly!
And my current track record stands at:
Whoever Cheryl is, she's one helluva player, the best I've come across so far, even if the score doesn't reflect that. I stayed up till 2 AM this morning, playing with her. Gave me quite a challenge.
I like.
=)
This is my one and only achievement in an otherwise completely unproductive day:
I won spectactularly!
And my current track record stands at:
Jithra [...]: You won. Final Score: 0 to 60
Blake [...]: You won. Final Score: 9 to 55
Cheryl [...]: You won. Final Score: 16 to 48
ChihLeng [...]: You won. Final Score: 13 to 51
ChihLeng [...]: You won. Final Score: 46 to 18
Jithra [...]: You won. Final Score: 54 to 10
Keith [...]: You won. Final Score: 45 to 19
Hannah [...]: You won. Final Score: 5 to 59
Rachel [...]: You won. Final Score: 57 to 7
Bana [...]: You won. Final Score: 16 to 48
Louise [...]: You won. Final Score: 8 to 56
Whoever Cheryl is, she's one helluva player, the best I've come across so far, even if the score doesn't reflect that. I stayed up till 2 AM this morning, playing with her. Gave me quite a challenge.
I like.
=)
Catatonia - 'Mulder And Scully'
Album: International Velvet
Heard this song in my head in the middle of the work-day. Cause: Obviously not work-related.
:::
Finally saw her the first time in - I don't know - maybe four years. She still looks as she did back then, but she couldn't be more different than the girl in the first two years of our friendship.
She's like an Earth Mother, forever my idol and superstar.
"All you need is a dream." Wise words from a wise woman-child.
Maybe that could be my motto from now on.
Heard this song in my head in the middle of the work-day. Cause: Obviously not work-related.
Finally saw her the first time in - I don't know - maybe four years. She still looks as she did back then, but she couldn't be more different than the girl in the first two years of our friendship.
She's like an Earth Mother, forever my idol and superstar.
"All you need is a dream." Wise words from a wise woman-child.
Maybe that could be my motto from now on.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Panic! At The Disco - 'But It's Better If You Do'
Album: A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
Just a quick note in-between my waiting for my opponents to make their moves: I'm fucking (re-)addicted to the boardgame that's named for a certain overly-suspicious husband (or maybe not - I don't know).
That, and Scrabulous.
So if you're reading this, and you're on the Facebook (I mean, really, who isn't?), please add the apps and invite me to a game (or two dozens). If I'm able to beat you at one, then you'll prolly be able to rout me in the other (I've never played Scrabbles until today - pretty odd for an English major - and I suck like your best vacuum at it).
Gah! I can't get outta the games! I keep clicking on the "Start a random game" because ... gawd forbid anybody should take longer than a minute to make their next move ... =|
Just a quick note in-between my waiting for my opponents to make their moves: I'm fucking (re-)addicted to the boardgame that's named for a certain overly-suspicious husband (or maybe not - I don't know).
That, and Scrabulous.
So if you're reading this, and you're on the Facebook (I mean, really, who isn't?), please add the apps and invite me to a game (or two dozens). If I'm able to beat you at one, then you'll prolly be able to rout me in the other (I've never played Scrabbles until today - pretty odd for an English major - and I suck like your best vacuum at it).
Gah! I can't get outta the games! I keep clicking on the "Start a random game" because ... gawd forbid anybody should take longer than a minute to make their next move ... =|
Cassie - 'Just One Night'
Album: Cassie
Such a headache tonight. Focus switched to a more trivial (yet no less stressful) item: Saturday, party, no costume, pressure to put on "scarlet lipstick" because "it'll look great with your complexion".
I mean, I figure I look scarier if I went as ... my regular ol' self, sans make-up and hair-care. Also, I really don't wanna go as The Fugliest Blind Drag Queen In The World ...
To all those so-called friends who, in reply to my request for costume suggestions ("something that's completely not me"), answered, "Angel": Thanks for nothin'!
=/
Such a headache tonight. Focus switched to a more trivial (yet no less stressful) item: Saturday, party, no costume, pressure to put on "scarlet lipstick" because "it'll look great with your complexion".
I mean, I figure I look scarier if I went as ... my regular ol' self, sans make-up and hair-care. Also, I really don't wanna go as The Fugliest Blind Drag Queen In The World ...
To all those so-called friends who, in reply to my request for costume suggestions ("something that's completely not me"), answered, "Angel": Thanks for nothin'!
=/
Monday, October 22, 2007
John Wesley Harding - 'I'm Wrong About Everything'
Album: High Fidelity OST
Been having strange dreams lately. Although they aren't really nightmarish or distressing, I know they're born of the anxiety I'm trying to ignore and not let get to me.
Stress is not having enough time and energy to complete everything, because I don't know how to prioritize. In addition to putting together an application, I owe Christine a topic (due tomorrow, before she goes on sabbatical; with the five-hour difference, I'm really not gonna make it), and have Jess's manuscript to edit.
All by this week.
And Wednesday through Friday (and prolly Saturday as well) will be taken up by dance (pole, belly, and exotic).
- No.
I'll smile and make it.
Because I must.
Been having strange dreams lately. Although they aren't really nightmarish or distressing, I know they're born of the anxiety I'm trying to ignore and not let get to me.
Stress is not having enough time and energy to complete everything, because I don't know how to prioritize. In addition to putting together an application, I owe Christine a topic (due tomorrow, before she goes on sabbatical; with the five-hour difference, I'm really not gonna make it), and have Jess's manuscript to edit.
All by this week.
And Wednesday through Friday (and prolly Saturday as well) will be taken up by dance (pole, belly, and exotic).
- No.
I'll smile and make it.
Because I must.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Jay Gordon - 'Slept So Long'
Album: Queen of the Damned OST
Woke up at 13:00 plus today - a first (and personal triumph).
Am I selfish ... or just human? Maybe a horribly selfish human.
Wondering (for the umpteenth time) whether my life fucks up or I do - or is that just the way things are for me? My heart tells me no, my mind tells me I know better; for once they're in accord.
Yet I still choose to ignore them.
'S okay; will only look stupid, and I deserve it - and everything else I have coming.
What the song says.
Woke up at 13:00 plus today - a first (and personal triumph).
Am I selfish ... or just human? Maybe a horribly selfish human.
Wondering (for the umpteenth time) whether my life fucks up or I do - or is that just the way things are for me? My heart tells me no, my mind tells me I know better; for once they're in accord.
Yet I still choose to ignore them.
'S okay; will only look stupid, and I deserve it - and everything else I have coming.
What the song says.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Jessie Mae Hemphill - 'Standing in My Doorway Crying'
Album: Mali to Memphis
- Sent in application for the Graduate Award (which I prolly have a snowball's chance in hell of winning), and will be sending in for the Elaine Geering Scholarship in Literature (ditto).
- Begun the long, drawn-out, and tedious process of gathering the necessary for a visa application.
- Gave up three vials of blood to my doc.
- Realized that I'm no longer as apprehensive towards needles as I was prior to my modifications.
- Desmond declared that my baby is getting better, but warned I should not take it for granted ...
- And must continue abstaining from alcohol for the next four weeks. =(
- Started planning on the next mod: Must be dermal anchor(s)!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Ali Akbar Khan - 'Two Lovers (Mand)'
Album: Garden of Dreams
Most. Aggravating. Day.
(Even if I did purchase two of Marjane Satrapi's books for just SGD 5 each - Chicken with Plums, and Embroideries - as well as Norwegian Wood.)
One of my daily horoscopes did advise to take care when it comes to details, otherwise I'd feel I have an unproductive day. Well, it fucking did come true - and it's not a self-fulfilling prophesy. I thought it referred to work; it bloody wasn't.
And, just now, I realized I'd fucked up - for the second time.
I want to just run away.
Most. Aggravating. Day.
(Even if I did purchase two of Marjane Satrapi's books for just SGD 5 each - Chicken with Plums, and Embroideries - as well as Norwegian Wood.)
One of my daily horoscopes did advise to take care when it comes to details, otherwise I'd feel I have an unproductive day. Well, it fucking did come true - and it's not a self-fulfilling prophesy. I thought it referred to work; it bloody wasn't.
And, just now, I realized I'd fucked up - for the second time.
I want to just run away.
Ciara - 'Get Up'
Album: Ciara: The Evolution
Not sure why, but I woke up hearing 30 Seconds To Mars' 'Attack' this morning; especially:
Still unable to get upside down properly on the pole tonight, and various attempts had led to bruised ribs and hips - but am getting closer.
Ought to email Christine chosen topic soon.
=(
Why can't I do it?
Not sure why, but I woke up hearing 30 Seconds To Mars' 'Attack' this morning; especially:
Run away, run away, I'll attack
Run away, run away, go chase yourself
Run away, run away, now I'll attack
I'll attack, I'll attack, I will attack ...
Still unable to get upside down properly on the pole tonight, and various attempts had led to bruised ribs and hips - but am getting closer.
Ought to email Christine chosen topic soon.
=(
Why can't I do it?
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Daddy Yankee - 'Impacto'
Album: El Cartel
"Hey!" was what I should've yelled - at least once.
"Watch it, you fucking blind fucker ..." would've been a lovely complementary addition, but I just wasn't raise that way. (Didn't stop me from thinking that, though - plenty times.)
Maybe it's just one of those days, but nobody'd believe how many fucking blind fuckers walked into me in the course of a ten minutes walk.
And to add insult to injury, I got bloody scratched too.
I could murder me a good homicide.
"Hey!" was what I should've yelled - at least once.
"Watch it, you fucking blind fucker ..." would've been a lovely complementary addition, but I just wasn't raise that way. (Didn't stop me from thinking that, though - plenty times.)
Maybe it's just one of those days, but nobody'd believe how many fucking blind fuckers walked into me in the course of a ten minutes walk.
And to add insult to injury, I got bloody scratched too.
I could murder me a good homicide.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Truth Hurts ft. Rakim - 'Addictive'
Album: Addictive [Single]
Today's flushing session's diagnosis: I'm healing "slower than [Desmond] thought", but the amount of pus has reduced to "only ten percent of the last session".
Well, if I'm not healing any more, then I'm taking up his idea of removing the surface bar and replacing it with dermal anchors. (Yesssss! Dermal anchors!)
But I still gotta lay off the booze and seafood for a bit ... and - not that it'll be any chance of it - dance. =(
Honestly, I think I'd sooner quit meat than dance.
And I'm red meat-dependent.
Today's flushing session's diagnosis: I'm healing "slower than [Desmond] thought", but the amount of pus has reduced to "only ten percent of the last session".
Well, if I'm not healing any more, then I'm taking up his idea of removing the surface bar and replacing it with dermal anchors. (Yesssss! Dermal anchors!)
But I still gotta lay off the booze and seafood for a bit ... and - not that it'll be any chance of it - dance. =(
Honestly, I think I'd sooner quit meat than dance.
And I'm red meat-dependent.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Shivaree - 'Good Night Moon'
Album: I Oughta Give You A Shot In The Head For Making Me Live In This Dump
Am not sure why I'm always apprehensive about starting the work week.
I'm procrastinating again.
Because I'm scared.
Why am I so scared of everything?
Am not sure why I'm always apprehensive about starting the work week.
I'm procrastinating again.
Because I'm scared.
Why am I so scared of everything?
Lizzie West - 'Chariots Rise'
Album: Lizzie West [EP]
I don't understand the lyrics; they seem a little disjunct. Like:
So one's a fool to fall "so in love", even if it's with "the one true love in store"?
I'm perplexed: What am I not getting here?
I don't understand the lyrics; they seem a little disjunct. Like:
I took the notes of past excursions
And I read them through once more
Only to find them all diversions
From the one true love in store
The chariots rise
Up high in the sky
What a fool am I
To fall so in love
What a wonderful dream
It seems to be
'Cause I love him
So one's a fool to fall "so in love", even if it's with "the one true love in store"?
I'm perplexed: What am I not getting here?
Lizzie West - 'Chariots Rise'
Album: Lizzie West [EP]
Guess it helps to read back on past entries, so you can get a sense of what you want(ed) and where you stand now.
A lot seems to have changed since July.
I seem to have changed since.
Do I like who (or what) I am now? I don't know.
I don't even know who (or what) I am now.
Never mind what (or who) I want.
Guess it helps to read back on past entries, so you can get a sense of what you want(ed) and where you stand now.
A lot seems to have changed since July.
I seem to have changed since.
Do I like who (or what) I am now? I don't know.
I don't even know who (or what) I am now.
Never mind what (or who) I want.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Lizzie West - 'Chariots Rise'
Album: Lizzie West [EP]
... and then I realized why I always prefer to wait it out. Sometimes, it's congenital procrastination; sometimes, it isn't.
Because sometimes the things I feel driven to do, when the compulsion passes over or fades, I'd think: Boy, I'm glad I didn't do it - who knows what consequences (which I might or might be able to handle) I might have to deal with.
So that's why I nearly always wait it out (unless I hurt too much there and then): Because I know it'll pass.
Nothing lasts forever.
... and then I realized why I always prefer to wait it out. Sometimes, it's congenital procrastination; sometimes, it isn't.
Because sometimes the things I feel driven to do, when the compulsion passes over or fades, I'd think: Boy, I'm glad I didn't do it - who knows what consequences (which I might or might be able to handle) I might have to deal with.
So that's why I nearly always wait it out (unless I hurt too much there and then): Because I know it'll pass.
Nothing lasts forever.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Ciara - 'Get Up'
Album: Ciara: The Evolution
So incredibly frustrated at myself - the fear, the Fear.
Like how you know you can and will do it, but just ... don't dare to, even at the desperate end of your rope.
Everything tells you to Jump! - and you're ready, too - but for Fear.
And I don't know whether I'm hanging on because of that fear, or hanging on to that fear.
All primed to let go ...
But for that Fear.
So incredibly frustrated at myself - the fear, the Fear.
Like how you know you can and will do it, but just ... don't dare to, even at the desperate end of your rope.
Everything tells you to Jump! - and you're ready, too - but for Fear.
And I don't know whether I'm hanging on because of that fear, or hanging on to that fear.
All primed to let go ...
But for that Fear.
Cassie - 'Me & U'
Album: Cassie
We're more than flirting with the serious probability of a miscarriage, and I'm prolly the dumbest-ass person in the entire history of bodmods and the quickest to lose a piercing.
Pole never will go with piercings ... But I love them both.
Oh, this can't be a good sign, of all that it has come to signify.
=...(
So black and portentous must this humor prove, / Unless good counsel may the cause remove.
(Or a phone call ...)
We're more than flirting with the serious probability of a miscarriage, and I'm prolly the dumbest-ass person in the entire history of bodmods and the quickest to lose a piercing.
Pole never will go with piercings ... But I love them both.
Oh, this can't be a good sign, of all that it has come to signify.
=...(
So black and portentous must this humor prove, / Unless good counsel may the cause remove.
(Or a phone call ...)
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Caedmon's Call - 'Love Alone'
Album: Long Line of Leavers
Auntie Al, whenever I tell her I'm attracted to any female, would encourage (read: nag) me to "go for it" and "give it a shot", and share her (overly) optimistic outlook that "[all girls] are not-straight until proven otherwise"; but when it comes to males, she'll always but always dismiss my infatuations with a single, laconic line: "You just need to be fucked, lah."
=/
Auntie Al, whenever I tell her I'm attracted to any female, would encourage (read: nag) me to "go for it" and "give it a shot", and share her (overly) optimistic outlook that "[all girls] are not-straight until proven otherwise"; but when it comes to males, she'll always but always dismiss my infatuations with a single, laconic line: "You just need to be fucked, lah."
=/
k.d. lang - 'Consequences of Falling'
Album: Invincible Summer
In a cab speeding along the ECP (prolly my favorite local highway), I suddenly thought about how unbelievably solipsistic I am when it comes to emotions - among other things - but especially emotions.
Bit of a stalker mentality.
Plenty of self-delusions.
Which is why I'm (more often than not) relieved when the breaker of ardor finally recedes back into the ocean.
But, for now, I think I'll just enjoy the ride.
'S been a long time.
In a cab speeding along the ECP (prolly my favorite local highway), I suddenly thought about how unbelievably solipsistic I am when it comes to emotions - among other things - but especially emotions.
Bit of a stalker mentality.
Plenty of self-delusions.
Which is why I'm (more often than not) relieved when the breaker of ardor finally recedes back into the ocean.
But, for now, I think I'll just enjoy the ride.
'S been a long time.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Mika - 'Happy Ending'
Album: Life In Cartoon Motion
I feel so good after a session on the pole. So good.
At work, it was great to be coordinating stuff I could see come together, no matter how slowly. It's just nice to feel like I'm doing something useful for a change.
And then the boss comes along and takes up my time doing shit tasks ("Please print confidentially"). Was so pissed off at him today I felt like giving notice.
... Although I gotta admit, it'd something to do with my being able to call Mephisto up with a legitimate excuse too ...
I feel so good after a session on the pole. So good.
At work, it was great to be coordinating stuff I could see come together, no matter how slowly. It's just nice to feel like I'm doing something useful for a change.
And then the boss comes along and takes up my time doing shit tasks ("Please print confidentially"). Was so pissed off at him today I felt like giving notice.
... Although I gotta admit, it'd something to do with my being able to call Mephisto up with a legitimate excuse too ...
Abusivo - 'Guidala'
Album: Hip Hop and Reggaeton Revolution
I really wish I knew what is going on.
In my life.
(Please happen. Happen good.)
Am so afraid of the week ahead ...
Yet, at the same time, excited - we have two pole sessions tentatively scheduled.
I really wish I knew what is going on.
In my life.
(Please happen. Happen good.)
Am so afraid of the week ahead ...
Yet, at the same time, excited - we have two pole sessions tentatively scheduled.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Aqualung - 'Strange And Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You)'
Album: Still Life
They almost - almost - have me convinced me to call him.
Because work was just an excuse for him.
I'm high, but not that high to believe them.
Not that I don't desperately want to ...
They almost - almost - have me convinced me to call him.
Because work was just an excuse for him.
I'm high, but not that high to believe them.
Not that I don't desperately want to ...
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Khia - 'My Neck My Back'
Album: Thug Misses
Was feeling down and downer even as we sped to ADS for our first 'rehearsal'.
So far, the count (straw poll among friends unfortunate enough to be of even vaguely sympathetic disposition and within hearing distance) is three to one that I should give the object of my (insane, totally wrong) puerile infatuation a ring.
I hate it when I'm attracted to someone other than physically: It's always more intense and takes forever to wear off.
Gotta admit - I'm getting pissed off at him ...
Was feeling down and downer even as we sped to ADS for our first 'rehearsal'.
So far, the count (straw poll among friends unfortunate enough to be of even vaguely sympathetic disposition and within hearing distance) is three to one that I should give the object of my (insane, totally wrong) puerile infatuation a ring.
I hate it when I'm attracted to someone other than physically: It's always more intense and takes forever to wear off.
Gotta admit - I'm getting pissed off at him ...
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Rufus Wainwright - 'Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk'
Album: Poses
I'm alternating between panic attacks and the tantalizing glimpse of the dream I dream. Panic attacks and determination.
Earlier in the evening, I realized how it's so much more satisfying to want something and then make the decision to do that thing - compared to after having done that thing you wanted to do.
I really should stop reading Lolita.
Germ thinks I should ask him out.
I'm alternating between panic attacks and the tantalizing glimpse of the dream I dream. Panic attacks and determination.
Earlier in the evening, I realized how it's so much more satisfying to want something and then make the decision to do that thing - compared to after having done that thing you wanted to do.
I really should stop reading Lolita.
Germ thinks I should ask him out.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Gary Puckett and the Union Gap - 'Young Girl'
Album: Young Girl: The Best of Gary Puckett and the Union Gap
... no, I don't think reading Lolita now is helping my school-girl crush.
Because now I keep thinking, " ... but he's only gonna be thirty years - thirty-five tops - older than me. That isn't a lot - it's just thirty years ..."
.
.
.
But the circumstances under which we met made it so totally inappropriate for me to call him.
How to carpe diem?
(Bag of bricks arrived this evening. Am a little depressed and anxious and excited - I have nowhere to live next year.)
... no, I don't think reading Lolita now is helping my school-girl crush.
Because now I keep thinking, " ... but he's only gonna be thirty years - thirty-five tops - older than me. That isn't a lot - it's just thirty years ..."
.
.
.
But the circumstances under which we met made it so totally inappropriate for me to call him.
How to carpe diem?
(Bag of bricks arrived this evening. Am a little depressed and anxious and excited - I have nowhere to live next year.)
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Leo Sayer - 'You Make Me Feel Like Dancing'
Album: Charlie's Angels OST
Oh, oh, oh the package of bricks arrived today.
I want to start building immediately ... but I know it's gonna be a long drawn-out process.
Best start thinking of a topic for Christine now.
Yes, yes, yes!
(And, yup, still nursing that school-girl crush - but less giddily.
Why do I always but always manage to want what I can never get?)
Oh, oh, oh the package of bricks arrived today.
I want to start building immediately ... but I know it's gonna be a long drawn-out process.
Best start thinking of a topic for Christine now.
Yes, yes, yes!
(And, yup, still nursing that school-girl crush - but less giddily.
Why do I always but always manage to want what I can never get?)
Monday, October 01, 2007
Frou Frou - 'Must Be Dreaming'
Album: Details
Crank up the cement machine - we've got the first of the many acceptances and approvals we need to start building our castle! Waiting on them to send the parcel of bricks now.
And I've got it bad.
Really bad.
My giddy school-girl's crush. ("Will he call he? Will he not?")
Not yet a school-girl though ...
Not yet.
Crank up the cement machine - we've got the first of the many acceptances and approvals we need to start building our castle! Waiting on them to send the parcel of bricks now.
And I've got it bad.
Really bad.
My giddy school-girl's crush. ("Will he call he? Will he not?")
Not yet a school-girl though ...
Not yet.
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