Album: Dirty Dancing OST
Z's (my salsa instructor) caveat at the beginning of our Beginners 1 class: "... and if you're thinking of Dirty Dancing or Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights - this is not it ..."
Aww ... There goes my childhood dream of dancing like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing ...
Social dancing: men lead; women follow.
Somehow, I'm not surprised I never wanted to salsa ...
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
K's Choice - 'I'm Not An Addict'
Album: Paradise In Me
Because I still have the bruise from last week's blood taking, Doc decided to try another vein. Unfortunately, he couldn't draw any blood after the needle'd been inserted so he had to move it around a little, to hit the vein. It really didn't hurt all that much, although feeling the needle being adjusted in me was a little weird. Doc said my pain threshold must be quite high; didn't tell him it hurt less than getting my micro-dermal inserted, or even my wrist inked.
Thought about getting pierced (septum?) at the end of March, but remembered I was also considering getting inked on my birthday.
No ... maybe not my birthday.
Hm ...
Mephisto called me a wimp ... again. =/
Because I still have the bruise from last week's blood taking, Doc decided to try another vein. Unfortunately, he couldn't draw any blood after the needle'd been inserted so he had to move it around a little, to hit the vein. It really didn't hurt all that much, although feeling the needle being adjusted in me was a little weird. Doc said my pain threshold must be quite high; didn't tell him it hurt less than getting my micro-dermal inserted, or even my wrist inked.
Thought about getting pierced (septum?) at the end of March, but remembered I was also considering getting inked on my birthday.
No ... maybe not my birthday.
Hm ...
Mephisto called me a wimp ... again. =/
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Bow Wow ft. Chris Brown - 'Shortie Like Mine'
Album: The Price of Fame
Counting down the days.
My god they're hard to fill.
I keep wondering why I'm still here - why I'd taken Mephisto's offer; I've forgotten why.
Mephisto had told me (more than once) that I ... serve a purpose - or, at least, would serve one.
So torn.
Counting down the days.
My god they're hard to fill.
I keep wondering why I'm still here - why I'd taken Mephisto's offer; I've forgotten why.
Mephisto had told me (more than once) that I ... serve a purpose - or, at least, would serve one.
So torn.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Fisher - 'Different Kind of Wonderful'
Album: Uppers
What the doc highlighted to me:
He explained everything to me, but I didn't understand most of it. All I know is: he was happy that it wasn't Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE), and that my kidneys are in the clear.
Results, as before:
Have to give up more blood this Saturday morning to ascertain whether it is the former or the latter.
Wish you were here already. =(
What the doc highlighted to me:
- Haemoglobin: 9.0 g/dL (normal range 12.0-16.0 g/dL)
- Haematocrit: 28% (normal range 36-46%)
- MCV: 58 fL (normal range 76-96 fL)
- MCH: 19 pg (normal range 27-32 pg)
He explained everything to me, but I didn't understand most of it. All I know is: he was happy that it wasn't Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE), and that my kidneys are in the clear.
Results, as before:
Dyserythropoietic changes present. Iron deficiency and thalassaemia trait have to be considered.
Have to give up more blood this Saturday morning to ascertain whether it is the former or the latter.
Wish you were here already. =(
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Bow Wow ft. Chris Brown - 'Shortie Like Mine'
Album: The Price of Fame
I think the crazy period is officially over - for now. Thing is, after passing craziness for normality for a certain period, after the craziness goes away, normality seems ... crazy - or, normality drives me crazy.
I've the Good Friday weekend to look forward to now, but I've gotta fill the days till then - all 73,440 minutes.
I think the crazy period is officially over - for now. Thing is, after passing craziness for normality for a certain period, after the craziness goes away, normality seems ... crazy - or, normality drives me crazy.
I've the Good Friday weekend to look forward to now, but I've gotta fill the days till then - all 73,440 minutes.
Pulp - 'Like A Friend'
Album: Great Expectations OST
So. I got the performance over and done with, with big hair, drag queen-make up, and lingerie - had more fun and less stage anxiety than I thought I would (no stage fright at all, in fact).
Really will miss the rest of the girls (all from the salsa team except for Rach, Jit, and me) - they're such a fun bunch, especially Nicole the Smokin' Hawt Lawyer.
Watching Magna dance has made me determined to dance like her. But, first, I gotta give the doc a ring to learn my results. Lymph node has gone down so I know I'm not sick anymore.
How damaged I still am, however, is another matter ...
Too tired to feel anything else.
So. I got the performance over and done with, with big hair, drag queen-make up, and lingerie - had more fun and less stage anxiety than I thought I would (no stage fright at all, in fact).
Really will miss the rest of the girls (all from the salsa team except for Rach, Jit, and me) - they're such a fun bunch, especially Nicole the Smokin' Hawt Lawyer.
Watching Magna dance has made me determined to dance like her. But, first, I gotta give the doc a ring to learn my results. Lymph node has gone down so I know I'm not sick anymore.
How damaged I still am, however, is another matter ...
Too tired to feel anything else.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Aretha Franklin - 'R.E.S.P.E.C.T.'
Album: Respect & Other Hits
Was at Mephisto's apartment today - seeing how the other half lives, so to speak - and it was a strange experience. Jaime asked if I entered his apartment; I'd refused to: It felt just too weird to do so.
Later, he sent me an email reply with a smiley. Er ... Hm.
We'll be the last item for the night, starting at 00:30. Rehearsal 'til 01:15 today, including a coupla runs in full dress. Yikes - I look ... =| I only hope I won't look like an amateur drag queen tomorrow - my first performance in more than ten years.
Tomorrow ... Sigh.
Am swelling again since I finished my medication yesterday. Que sera sera.
Was at Mephisto's apartment today - seeing how the other half lives, so to speak - and it was a strange experience. Jaime asked if I entered his apartment; I'd refused to: It felt just too weird to do so.
Later, he sent me an email reply with a smiley. Er ... Hm.
We'll be the last item for the night, starting at 00:30. Rehearsal 'til 01:15 today, including a coupla runs in full dress. Yikes - I look ... =| I only hope I won't look like an amateur drag queen tomorrow - my first performance in more than ten years.
Tomorrow ... Sigh.
Am swelling again since I finished my medication yesterday. Que sera sera.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Bow Wow ft. Chris Brown - 'Shortie Like Mine'
Album: The Price of Fame
The next two days will be long, and - dare I say - grueling; yet after that, with no rehearsals, there'll be a huge tear in the fabric of my after-hours - which I've been making plans to patch over this week: Pole. Street jazz. Salsa. German. Latin. Cello? Violin? Bansuri?
The blood test results should be out tomorrow - I've a feeling it's gonna be all right.
My job, however - the one I'd deferred so much for - will disappoint me. And it's keeping me trapped on this island for this year.
I know this is your song, but I'm making it mine. Your songs, now mine.
The next two days will be long, and - dare I say - grueling; yet after that, with no rehearsals, there'll be a huge tear in the fabric of my after-hours - which I've been making plans to patch over this week: Pole. Street jazz. Salsa. German. Latin. Cello? Violin? Bansuri?
The blood test results should be out tomorrow - I've a feeling it's gonna be all right.
My job, however - the one I'd deferred so much for - will disappoint me. And it's keeping me trapped on this island for this year.
I know this is your song, but I'm making it mine. Your songs, now mine.
Smith - 'Baby It's You'
Album: Death Proof OST
Gave up 7cc of blood today; got a bruise in return. Doc called me "a brave lady" because I didn't turn away as he inserted the needle and drew my blood. He said he was afraid of needles himself.
Aileen's in town 'til Saturday, so we had dinner. Sex Fiend inevitably was sitting at the table behind me. It had to happen, since it was his buddy's cafe I'd brought the girls to.
... and I really, really just want to talk to you now - even if just to show you my growing bruise.
Gave up 7cc of blood today; got a bruise in return. Doc called me "a brave lady" because I didn't turn away as he inserted the needle and drew my blood. He said he was afraid of needles himself.
Aileen's in town 'til Saturday, so we had dinner. Sex Fiend inevitably was sitting at the table behind me. It had to happen, since it was his buddy's cafe I'd brought the girls to.
... and I really, really just want to talk to you now - even if just to show you my growing bruise.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Scarlet - 'Independent Love Song'
Album: Independent Love Song (Single)
"Just because you got a new toy doesn't mean you have to play with it all the time!" my dad told me earlier this evening.
I told her that, and she laughed, saying it was the most interesting thing she'd heard all day.
Dad'd been referring to all the time I was spending on Skype with my new webcam and headset, but I knew what he was saying; I know: Our longest record's nearly 13 hours at a stretch.
I can see clearly enough; I just wonder when she'd get over it.
I nobly hope she would, and selfishly wish she wouldn't.
"Just because you got a new toy doesn't mean you have to play with it all the time!" my dad told me earlier this evening.
I told her that, and she laughed, saying it was the most interesting thing she'd heard all day.
Dad'd been referring to all the time I was spending on Skype with my new webcam and headset, but I knew what he was saying; I know: Our longest record's nearly 13 hours at a stretch.
I can see clearly enough; I just wonder when she'd get over it.
I nobly hope she would, and selfishly wish she wouldn't.
Movie Cast - 'Seasons of Love'
Album: Rent OST
Family doc recommends a urine test and a full blood test - for which I gotta fast.
Suddenly, I wonder why I'm pushing myself so hard for the rehearsals.
I'm also getting a tummy ... Damned new job.
Mephisto is travelling this entire week. Must remember not to get used to having him not in the office.
So, so, so many things in my head right now - in addition to the one all-consuming thing: 525,600 minutes; 525,600 moments ...
Family doc recommends a urine test and a full blood test - for which I gotta fast.
Suddenly, I wonder why I'm pushing myself so hard for the rehearsals.
I'm also getting a tummy ... Damned new job.
Mephisto is travelling this entire week. Must remember not to get used to having him not in the office.
So, so, so many things in my head right now - in addition to the one all-consuming thing: 525,600 minutes; 525,600 moments ...
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Bishop Allen - 'Little Black Ache'
Album: Charm School
As usual, the doctor doesn't know what is wrong with me exactly - they never do. This one (not my family doctor) recommends I take a blood test to make sure it's not rheumatism; will go see my family doc on Tuesday for that. I'm getting wary of blood tests; second one in three months.
My dad suggested it could also be kidney or liver problems.
What a way to start the bloody year.
I'm trying to get pissed off at this whole thing, because if I don't ... I get so scared.
Damaged goods, indeed.
As usual, the doctor doesn't know what is wrong with me exactly - they never do. This one (not my family doctor) recommends I take a blood test to make sure it's not rheumatism; will go see my family doc on Tuesday for that. I'm getting wary of blood tests; second one in three months.
My dad suggested it could also be kidney or liver problems.
What a way to start the bloody year.
I'm trying to get pissed off at this whole thing, because if I don't ... I get so scared.
Damaged goods, indeed.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
eels - 'Royal Pain'
Album: Shrek the Third OST
Woke up with swollen digits - and, I'd think, joints too. Toes and fingers felt (and still feel) stiff, cracking a lot. Couldn't wear my rings as my fingers had swollen up to two ring sizes.
At rehearsal, Rach remarked that my ankles - even my face - looked a little swollen, and I found the lymph node on the left of my neck was swollen too.
Could be my imagination, but I'm itching some too, here and there.
Call me hypochondriac, but I think I'm sick ...
No time to see my doc till Sunday though.
Woke up with swollen digits - and, I'd think, joints too. Toes and fingers felt (and still feel) stiff, cracking a lot. Couldn't wear my rings as my fingers had swollen up to two ring sizes.
At rehearsal, Rach remarked that my ankles - even my face - looked a little swollen, and I found the lymph node on the left of my neck was swollen too.
Could be my imagination, but I'm itching some too, here and there.
Call me hypochondriac, but I think I'm sick ...
No time to see my doc till Sunday though.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Fisher - 'Different Kind Of Wonderful'
Album: Uppers
Been buying stuff, books mostly. It's symptomatic, is what it is.
And I know.
So, today, I finally ordered that book for her, and bought myself Rapture - unfortunately Borders doesn't have the lovely red velvet-covered hardback and have only the paperback - which, I suppose, must suffice.
I still feel like crap; I'm either (getting) sick - or dying.
Been buying stuff, books mostly. It's symptomatic, is what it is.
And I know.
So, today, I finally ordered that book for her, and bought myself Rapture - unfortunately Borders doesn't have the lovely red velvet-covered hardback and have only the paperback - which, I suppose, must suffice.
I still feel like crap; I'm either (getting) sick - or dying.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Phoenix - 'Long Distance Call'
Album: It's Never Been Like That
There's something just a little crazy - just a little - watching you text me over the webcam and receiving my reply.
Not more crazy than watching you sleep, I suppose.
I had Sanice remove my baby today. Now all it is is a 20mm BioFlex surface bar.
Long time no see, long time no say
Got little to tell, I don't say much but I might
Something always told me us two would be serious
I am looking around town, thinking the same as you
I'm far gone but your long distance call
And your capital letters keep me asking for more
It's never been like that
It's never been like that
There's something just a little crazy - just a little - watching you text me over the webcam and receiving my reply.
Not more crazy than watching you sleep, I suppose.
I had Sanice remove my baby today. Now all it is is a 20mm BioFlex surface bar.
Monday, January 14, 2008
The Frames - 'Star Star (Pure Imagination)'
Album: Set List (Live)
It always strikes me later; that's how retarded I am - the queen of delayed reactions and responses.
But if you tell me what you want, I'll make it happen.
I only need some time to realize that.
It always strikes me later; that's how retarded I am - the queen of delayed reactions and responses.
But if you tell me what you want, I'll make it happen.
I only need some time to realize that.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The Killers - 'Read My Mind'
Album: Sam's Town
Today I figured out why I've been punishing my body the way I've been doing. It's not that I really want to punish my body - I just want to convince myself that this one year I've committed to spending in Singapore would be worth it.
And as long as I'm running from one activity to another, I can convince myself that, at the very least, I'm doing something ... instead of wasting a year here, when I could've been there studying, and with her.
You left without a kiss again - and without the conviction that I will get there. I will get there - and convince you.
Today I figured out why I've been punishing my body the way I've been doing. It's not that I really want to punish my body - I just want to convince myself that this one year I've committed to spending in Singapore would be worth it.
And as long as I'm running from one activity to another, I can convince myself that, at the very least, I'm doing something ... instead of wasting a year here, when I could've been there studying, and with her.
You left without a kiss again - and without the conviction that I will get there. I will get there - and convince you.
The Killers - 'Read My Mind'
Album: Sam's Town
So extremely tired, I was grouchy most of the day, especially after pole class.
Feel like I'm heading for a meltdown soon.
I know I've been punishing my body, but I can't stop.
So extremely tired, I was grouchy most of the day, especially after pole class.
Feel like I'm heading for a meltdown soon.
I know I've been punishing my body, but I can't stop.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
The Elected - 'Did Me Good'
Album: Sun, Sun, Sun
It occurred to me, as I was on my way home from rehearsal, that I was killing myself, with the punishing schedule I set for myself - and keep to.
Tomorrow'll be a long, long day.
I simultaneously crave sleep and dread it.
It occurred to me, as I was on my way home from rehearsal, that I was killing myself, with the punishing schedule I set for myself - and keep to.
Tomorrow'll be a long, long day.
I simultaneously crave sleep and dread it.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Oddway - 'All The Things That Matter'
Album: Away From The Everyday
Mephisto didn't talk much to me today, but somehow that left me even more nerve-wrecked. It's like having my dad in a bad mood, and you never know when he'd lash at you - even though Mephisto didn't seem to be in a bad mood.
So glad that my after-hours were great this evening: Dinner (Deli Moroccan), dessert (B Bakery), great company - and a priceless story that just gotta be saved for posterity!
;)
Mephisto didn't talk much to me today, but somehow that left me even more nerve-wrecked. It's like having my dad in a bad mood, and you never know when he'd lash at you - even though Mephisto didn't seem to be in a bad mood.
So glad that my after-hours were great this evening: Dinner (Deli Moroccan), dessert (B Bakery), great company - and a priceless story that just gotta be saved for posterity!
;)
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Jill Scott - 'I'm Not Afraid'
Album: Beautifully Human
So freaked out.
Had Wil chosen Japanese between my given choices of pasta and Japanese, I would've been dining in the same place as Mephisto and his dinner date tonight.
Still unsure if it were indeed him (never seen him in anything but his standard office outfit and his driving glasses), but if it weren't, then have I been so completely mind-fucked that I'm starting to get paranoid about seeing him everywhere?
Devil on my back ...
I must not be afraid.
=(
So freaked out.
Had Wil chosen Japanese between my given choices of pasta and Japanese, I would've been dining in the same place as Mephisto and his dinner date tonight.
Still unsure if it were indeed him (never seen him in anything but his standard office outfit and his driving glasses), but if it weren't, then have I been so completely mind-fucked that I'm starting to get paranoid about seeing him everywhere?
Devil on my back ...
I must not be afraid.
=(
Monday, January 07, 2008
Camera Obscura - 'Let's Get Out Of This Country'
Album: Let's Get Out Of This Country
Mephisto has this uncanny ... knack.
Today, commenting that I'd smiled more today than I had the past two work days, he said, "You looked like you'd rather be in Penang ..."
Yes, I would - with you there.
Mephisto has this uncanny ... knack.
Today, commenting that I'd smiled more today than I had the past two work days, he said, "You looked like you'd rather be in Penang ..."
Yes, I would - with you there.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Eisley - 'One Day I Slowly Floated Away'
Album: Room Noises
Have been putting it off for a long time now; Rach urged me to get on with it last night (when we were both completely sober). So I made my list tonight.
An exercise in futility or not, I can only wait and see.
It's so difficult when you want two things at the same time, but are allowed only one. Which do you choose - the one your mind wants, or the one your heart desires?
Am (still) careering.
I don't want a career that is an office job; I want to be able to create.
Have been putting it off for a long time now; Rach urged me to get on with it last night (when we were both completely sober). So I made my list tonight.
An exercise in futility or not, I can only wait and see.
It's so difficult when you want two things at the same time, but are allowed only one. Which do you choose - the one your mind wants, or the one your heart desires?
Am (still) careering.
I don't want a career that is an office job; I want to be able to create.
Esthero - 'Thank Heaven 4 You'
Album: Wikked Lil' Grrrls
Went to have our measurements taken, then off to have a pre-dinner snack. After that, shopping (I bought a book and two pairs of jeans), dinner (Thai Express), coffee and dessert (Ricciotti), and drinks.
First drink, as usual, at the Crazy Elephant (Long Island); second one (12 year-old Glenfiddich, stiff) at the Highlander Bar. The third drink was red wine, courtesy of the table beside us at the Highlander. It was a bunch of financial advisors from Manulife and it made for a great evening getting to know new people.
Rach managed to get really high and tipsy, and I'm now sleepy.
Which is a good thing.
Went to have our measurements taken, then off to have a pre-dinner snack. After that, shopping (I bought a book and two pairs of jeans), dinner (Thai Express), coffee and dessert (Ricciotti), and drinks.
First drink, as usual, at the Crazy Elephant (Long Island); second one (12 year-old Glenfiddich, stiff) at the Highlander Bar. The third drink was red wine, courtesy of the table beside us at the Highlander. It was a bunch of financial advisors from Manulife and it made for a great evening getting to know new people.
Rach managed to get really high and tipsy, and I'm now sleepy.
Which is a good thing.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Camera Obscura - 'Return To Send Her'
Album: Let's Get Out Of This Country
Mephisto remarked that he didn't think I smiled a lot - or enough. You hardly smile, said he. Smile. What - is it my aftershave? Do you want me to change it - something that smells like what your favorite boyfriend wore?
It was almost funny ...
Except it reminded me how much I wish I could smell you again.
Mephisto remarked that he didn't think I smiled a lot - or enough. You hardly smile, said he. Smile. What - is it my aftershave? Do you want me to change it - something that smells like what your favorite boyfriend wore?
It was almost funny ...
Except it reminded me how much I wish I could smell you again.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Bishop Allen - 'Busted Heart'
Album: Charm School
I feel Mephisto is slowly breaking my spirit.
And I'm feeling so cold lately ...
I feel Mephisto is slowly breaking my spirit.
And I'm feeling so cold lately ...
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Denison Witmer - 'Are You A Dreamer'
Album: Are You A Dreamer?
Feel stressed out by Mephisto and my first day. That man might drive me stark raving crazy soon; either that, or I'd be quitting in tears.
But when he wasn't talking to me or bugging me, I'd be thinking of you and missing you. Which was - is - all too frequently.
Which will definitely drive me stark raving crazy.
But I can't help it, no matter how silly or cheesy that seems.
Feel stressed out by Mephisto and my first day. That man might drive me stark raving crazy soon; either that, or I'd be quitting in tears.
But when he wasn't talking to me or bugging me, I'd be thinking of you and missing you. Which was - is - all too frequently.
Which will definitely drive me stark raving crazy.
But I can't help it, no matter how silly or cheesy that seems.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
The Killers - 'Read My Mind'
Album: Sam's Town
I never really gave up on
Breakin' out of this two-star town
I got the green light
I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around
Can you read my mind?
Can you read my mind?
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