It's been a really short weekend - short, as in I don't feel like I've had enough rest - yet it was really quite fun too.

Had the last of my workshops today, so no more official classes anymore. Sigh ...

=(

OMG my shoulders are so tight and achey - prolly from the spinning pole workshop. Hope I'd be able to crawl outta bed tomorrow for the final workshop ... =|

SY's wedding dinner was fun - it was definitely less boring than any of the wedding dinners I'd attended previously (all family affairs). It was nice to sit at a table of mostly familiar faces with whom you share a common passion - pole!

If I ever had an occasion (and the resources) to throw a huge party like a wedding, it'll involve burlesque and (tasteful) exotic dances, pole, and aerial silks and hoop performances, with a fetish/masquerade theme. It'll be the lovely offspring of Neil Gaiman's Mirrormask and Cirque du Soleil.

Leona Lewis - 'Bleeding Love'

Album: Spirit



How do I hurt myself - let me count the fucking ways:

1. Left shoulder blade and shoulder (no idea why)
   
2. Right collarbone and shoulder (today's workshop)
   
3. Left lower back and hip (Wed's pole prac)
   
4. Right pelvis, the fold at groin and thigh - I might've pulled or herniated something (today ... at work, I think)
   
5. Right knee - bruised and lumpy (today's workshop)

Sigh.

2 more workshops!

Leona Lewis - 'Bleeding Love'

Album: Spirit



I'm extremely tired, but super hyped right now. A wonderful night of pole performances!

It might be the two gin-and-tonics I had, but my back feels much better now (I'm at least able to bend over and straighten without any support) - hope it'll be back on form for tomorrow's advanced tricks workshop.

Looks like there's gonna be another Asian Pole Summit next year! I just gotta be here for it.

OMFG!

Did two of my ex-schoolmates get married? To each other?!

.
.
.

I want to be all awwwwww ... but I'm all eeewwwwwwww.

Not quite sure why - they weren't even in the same class. She was in mine, he was in the next. It's not even like they're related, right?

And I like them both - nice people.

But ...

I hurt the left side of my back kicking up into a (failed) attempt at brass monkey.

=(

I iz stupid.

And there're workshops to attend this entire weekend, beginning this Friday!

=...(

Dennis Brown - 'Things in Life'

Album: Anthology 1970 to 1995

It's not everyday we're gonna be the same way
There must be a change somehow
There are bad times and good times too
So have a little faith in what you do
'Cause you don't seem to realize
The things you've got to face in life
Today you're up, tomorrow you're down
So thank god that you're still around town

Though we've got to work like slaves
Just to eat a piece of bread
But as we go along each day we'll find
Happiness to sooth the mind 'cause
It's not everyday we're gonna be the same way
There must be a change somehow
There are bad times and good times too
So have a little faith in what you do

Dennis Brown - 'Things in Life'

Album: Anthology 1970 to 1995



The aftermath's just the same as having just (barely) recovered from a bad bout of stomach flu. I was consciously handling myself with kid gloves today, trying to spot a potential trigger before it could trigger me.

Was mostly fine today (boss wasn't in office), even with a marked lack of appetite; but as I was sent out to walk the dog, I almost had a mild relapse - it was like knowing you're about to vomit, but desperately hanging on to the fine balance needed to not hurl your insides out. Now I finally understand why Auntie Al'd needed someone to talk to 24/7 at her worst period. It could be terrifying otherwise.

Didn't want music as I walked, but when I did turn the mp3 player on, I found this song to be somewhat calming.

Well. It's gotta happen; better now than when I don't have any of my paperweights and supports around.

Tonight a Cat. 5 ripped right through and I sat for a long time gasping and thumbing through my phonebook. After two runs, I called Jason.

The catalyst ... it's kinda Mephisto (indirectly), but everything else that'd been hanging out in the background for the last few weeks/couple of months had also been snowballing.

The aftermath is just debris.

It's not a bad thing - I don't have the nausea or the gasping anymore - but we'll see about tomorrow.

After dinner, I watched bits of a local TV station's forty-fifth anniversary anniversary/gala-thingy - a channel I'd watched daily during childhood - so when a retrospective of the all the programs they'd created came up, it was a bit of a stroll down nostalgia lane.

But I realized, while I enjoyed the nostalgia, viewing the passage of time is terrifying for me, and it induced a sudden panic attack and severe case of insecurity.

Because I'm reminded that the passage of time is relentless and merciless, and even though I age with every second, I still feel as helpless and scared and dependent as a child on the inside.

My security blanket of choice: 'The Four Quartets' and 'The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock'.

Jamie Lidell ft. Jose Gonzales - 'Multiply (In A Minor Key)'

Album: Multiply Additions



My go-to mopey song.

Got a shock in the middle of class today - today's class'll be the last pole class the studio'll conduct until Jan '09; we would receive a voucher for a free class in lieu of the eighth class of our set (today's the seventh). I'm devastated.

Add that to all that stress I'm feeling recently, I'm really quite miserable, but life can only get worse.

Today we were taught the kitty combo and something that sounded like 'Dangerous Brian' but was later renamed inverted hanging angel - managed both easily. At pole prac, a third successful superman-to-chopsticks with Geri supporting.

As it turns out, I've been maligning our webmail somewhat, because it's partially my fault that its interface looks so antiquated.

See, Firefox 3 is my default browser, and on Mozilla, the interface is shite (same for Chrome, the other browser I'd downloaded onto my harddrive). But IE 6 (that came with the MS suite installed in my harddrive) - now that's a whole different story.

Had I used IE 6 to access our webmail (which isn't supported by IE 7), then I'd've enjoyed a more up-to-date interface: Hotmail circa early '00.

Paleozoic to Mesozoic is still a step up, no?

The entire office is forced to use webmail today because Outlook doesn't work. You wanna know exactly how terrible it is being forced to use the webmail?

Our webmail has an interface and functions slightly worse off than Hotmail circa 1998 1996.

That's how bad it is.

And it seems to time-out every other minute that I spend working on my database.

GAAAAAHHHHHHH! Today is pure purgatory!



Addendum (@14:36): WHY CAN'T WE JUST USE GMAIL?! ARGGGGHHHH.

The good: Am raring to get back on the pole and do that combo!

The bad: Am frustrated and furious I can't remember my ibanking log-in ID and PIN - and I absolutely refuse to pay the bank to have them reset those. Grrrr!

Skinny - 'Failure'

Album: The Late Lounge presents Boudoir Beats



Good: The guy at the soup shop gave me a half-portion of chicken ham sarnie today (came with corn chips); previously he gave me a half-portion of Waldorf salad. Very nice of him, but the reason I don't order anything with my soup (always the chicken & corn chowder) is that I know I won't be able to finish.

Very bad: Pole prac. Superman-to-chopsticks still no-go; chopsticks-to-superman ... half-go. Brass monkey almost-half-go.

I'm just so tired. And disheartened. I almost wept.

Why have I always been a failure / What can the reason be?

=(

Boards of Canada - 'Seeya Later'

Album: Twoism



Never let it be said I never say 'yes' - I bloody do. And today, I'm not even sure what I'd said 'yes' to.

Waiting for a transfer, I received a call from a chirpy-sounding girl from the Cookie Museum (I left my cellphone number when they prompted me to after I purchased a tin of scrummy mango-cranberry addiction) who told me they were launching new flavors for Christmas and LNY ... and I started drifting off. Maybe I have ADD or something, but I can never listen when my other senses aren't engaged (worse when I'm tired). I only caught "tasting" and "cookies" and "reservation".

I declined the reservation, saying I'd just drop by after work, but she said it tends to be crowded ... or something (she lost me again).

Then it seems I might've said 'yes' to something happening next Wednesday evening.

Fingers crossed "cookies" and "tasting" are heavily involved.

GAAAAH.

It never rains but it sure bloody pours. 3 different invitations to do something this Sat with 3 (mostly) separate social circles - Going Om, hang-out, or hen's night?

Watching Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Stream: Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Sigh ...

=(

Watching Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Stream: Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

What I'm reading about bruises is beginning to worry me.

But I just don't which which level of severity my bruises are.

The ones I got today - well, actually, they were from last Sat, healed a little, aggravated on Wed, healed a little, grievously aggravated today - they look disgusting. Still, they're nothing I'm not used to.

Today was disappointing: I failed to get either of the two tricks we were taught - the Skater (a rotating trick), and the Superman-to-Chopsticks combo. I think I hurt my right arm in attempting the latter; actually I dropped/fell against the pole, which wasn't entirely bad because that kept me from hitting the ground.

Miwagemini - 'Crazy Over You'

Album: This Is How I Found You



The nice evening I had had only abated a little the anxiety I'm having about the boss's tickets. I want to kick myself for not asking to be let in to personally drop the envelope into his letterbox. This is sloppy.

Sloppy is unacceptable.

Miwa Gemini - 'Crazy Over You'

Album: This Is How I Found You



So today it occurred to me I severely lack self-discipline - that's the reason I let myself get so morbidly morose during each lunar cycle. Self-indulgent emotional masturbation.

And it's been getting worse too, the downtime, in addition to stretching for longer and longer periods.

I think I crave discipline as much as I deplore (and reject) it. Heaven forbid anyone should try to discipline me ... Not that many hadn't already tried.

Will be without my paperweight in the next long week.

=(

Scarlet - 'Independent Love Song'

Album: Independent Love Song (single)



Dreamed last night I couldn't find my bag and was rushing around looking for it (what does it mean?). Was a restless sleep and I woke up so tired I almost nodded off while I waited for pole prac.

In the end, I didn't do my choreo during exotic (too shy to), but am still very happy I came up with one.

Pole prac was good - I got a (45mm) pole all to myself and I managed the brass monkey (1 time), the non-spastic iguana (2 times, at least), and the thigh hold (3 times!). My right shoulder hurts so much now from repeated attempts at the shoulder mount-chopper-serpent combo.

I'll prolly crash spectacularly tomorrow.

Miwa Gemini - 'Crazy Over You'

Album: This Is How I Found You



The boss poked me today. On the arm. With a single index finger. He's very careful to not touch me, but when he does, he does it in strangely juvenile ways.

I think my dad has a similar sense of humor to the boss. Talking about the insurance premium check I was to bank into my account today, I said, "What's the rush? It says here the check is valid for the next six months!"

"Yeah," my dad said, "but it's AIA - who knows when they'll collapse [here]?" then continued after I did a verbal eye-roll: "It's not a large amount, but it's not a small sum either! You know how many roast ducks you can buy with SGD 13,000?!"

Roast ducks?! =|

(As it turned out, we had roast duck for dinner tonight.)

More on food: I've had soups from Souperlicious these couple of days for lunch - pretty nummy fare for rainy days.



(I'm going crazy over this song, can you tell?)

Watching Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Stream: Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Apropos of nothing, the boss commented, as I turned to leave his office, "You're getting fat - why do you eat so much?"

I turned back to face him, exasperated: "What has that got to do with anything?" (So much like him to throw curveballs like that.)

He smiled, twinkled, and waved me away. Much later, he came out and insisted he was joking when he called me fat, said something about what business he had calling me fat when he is ... well.

But this is one thing I love about my boss (and hope to emulate). Narrating an anecdote once, he'd said, "... my being fat doesn't make you any thinner ..."

It's okay for the pot to call the kettle black - someone remind me again why it isn't okay in the first place, please.

My inner fat girl (once a fat girl, always a fat girl, no matter how much weight you lose on the outside) idolizes him.

Miwa Gemini - 'Crazy Over You'

Album: This Is How I Found You



The achey right side of my back I get, because yesterday's tricks were all about using the left side to hang on (horrendous bruising behind the left knee) while opening up and arching the right side, but I'm not sure whether my right shoulder/neck is achey because of the shoulder mount-chopper-serpet combo I attempted more than once (successfully!), or because of the fall I sustained from the pencil position (a couple of factors: 1) it was a 50mmm pole; 2) it was warm and my hands were sweaty).

Either way, I think this is one time I ache as badly as I look.

But I'm itching to get back on the pole, is what I'm feeling now.

Watching Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Stream: Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Today's tricks: Hanging Angel, Cupid, and Thigh (or, possible, Knee) Hold. They all gave me a very, very, very achey back - lotsa back arches. Sigh ...

And I'm so frustrated because I seem to have lost my Brass Monkey! =(

But my exotic choreography made some progress, so it's good.

I'm extremely exhausted though ...

Watching Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Stream: Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

This evening I had four hands and two hair-dryers attack my hair. That was the first time in my life I had two people blow-dry my hair concurrently, and it was ... scary.

I think the people who have to blow-dry my hair don't like me. After one guy went to work on my neighbor's hair, the guy stuck with my hair kept at it. And kept at it. And kept at it.

After my neighbor had paid up and left the salon, he caught my eyeing my neighbor's departure and said, "You have a lot of hair."

Then when he was finally done with the blow-drying, he repeated, "You have a lot of hair."

Am still uncertain whether he was trying to explain why he took so long, or whether he was complaining ...

Watching Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Stream: Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

I find myself being very stupid whenever I'm viewing the puppy cam ... like now.

Yes, I do realize I'm alternating among strange coo-ey, whiney, and growl-y sounds to match the puppies when I watch them fight.

Yes, I do realize I'm talking to them when I tell them to stop fighting, and when I ask, "Where's mommy?"

Yes, I do realize I'm talking to myself when I giggle and observe, "Heh ... Puppy butt!"

This got it down pat.

Okay, back to puppy cam!

Watching Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Stream: Shiba Inu Puppy Cam

Uh ... Uh ...

I'll make it short 'cuz I gotta watch them puppies. (Snorglelicious puppies! They're so fat and fluffy! I vant!)

Heh heh ... OMG, Yellow can sleep through anything! Me too! (Well, almost anything, wink wink.)

Uh ... Puppy butts are more interesting than blogging.

But I have to say, while I'm vicariously happy about the new POTUS, I'm even more upset - truly depressed - about the Prop. 8.

Puppy Cam keeps blood pressure low.

Awwwwww, they're SHO CUTE! Widdle pwuppies all fat and snorgly, come to mama!

Kettel - 'Palles’s Popsong'

Album: Myam James



Have been neglecting my work, I'm afraid ... =(

But, boy, am I exhausted. Sleep has been less than restful lately - I've problems falling asleep and I keep waking up; dreams - if I even had any (I'm not sure) - are not scary though.

Sigh.

Lykke Li - 'Dance Dance Dance'

Album: Youth Novels



I told the boss today when I'm leaving. It's a relief, but I also feel quite sad. There's really a lot I could gleam from Mephisto, not (just) by his instructions, but also through ... osmosis, I guess. I think his ways are beginning to rub off a little on me.

Also, he's just about the only person who actually thinks I have potential - and not because he's trying to be encouraging or supportive. While it is stressful to have that sort of constant pressure, it's also a driving force for me. I want to make something of myself too - I just don't have the direction; and, thus without direction, I lose the drive. (Vicious cycle, that.)

=(

I find myself preferring new songs lately.

Ingrid Michaelson - 'Be OK'

Album: Be OK



... And it's November. Already.

Pole competition is this month, together with the workshops, and a pole mate's getting married.

So much happening, but there's the second biggest hurdle of all yet ... Sigh.

Lenka - 'The Show'

Album: The Show



Today's new spin: 'Moon goddess'; today's new trick: 'Superman'.

The Hallowe'en pole party was fun - and definitely a real workout.

Jessy's joining the the competition; I'm still thinking about it. Sigh. =/

The sound of you sleeping

I keep hearing the opening lines of Wir sind Helden's 'Die Zeit heilt alle Wunder' in my head tonight ... Wonder why.

Hallowe'en pole jam tomorrow - should I risk my wings?