Read (& Flicks) of the Month: December

With all that DVD-watching, it's a wonder at all I can finish reading one book. And that, of course, is even Bollywood-related.

Reads of the month:

• Bollywood: A Guidebook to Popular Hindi Cinema by Tejaswini Ganti. I've also started on 100 Bollywood Films by Rachel Dwyer, and I plan to read it quite thoroughly. (On a side note: OMG I WANT TO BE RACHEL DWYER. I WANT TO WATCH HINDI FILMS AND RESEARCH AND WRITE ABOUT THEM FOR MY JOB!!!) I also started on The Brothers Cabal which I like and must try to finish somehow. In between all those DVDs and streaming flicks.
• Pyongyang: A Journey in North Korea by Guy Delisle
• Shenzhen: A Travelogue from China by Guy Delisle

Flicks of the month:

• The Ghost Writer — I swear I didn't know it was a Polanski flick; wouldn't have even touched it otherwise.
• Maleficent — couldn't finish watching ... -_-
• (500) Days of Summer
• My Name is Khan
• Taare Zameen Par
• Vicky Donor (a rewatch)
• and the DVDs I'd bought ...

A Fucking Filthy NYE 2014

So, it's NYE and what do I do? Left the office for Little India for MORE DVDS!

I was hoping to get Delhi Belly, Krazzy 4, and Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana; I bought instead Dedh Ishqiya, Salaam-e-Ishq, and Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na ... which made me realize all those trips with lists of DVDs in hand and unable to find a single damn title? Why not just go with the flow? Select titles from the DVDs on the shelf, not trekking to and fro for a single title only to finally settle for a copy of dubious origins. Note to self: Go with the flow, girl, go with the fucking flow.

In any case, the Universe hath provided. I'm streaming Delhi Belly (thank you anonymous uploader!) and it's FUCKING HILARIOUS!

Like, I'd loved Kevin Smith's older flicks (from Clerks to Dogma; and later, Clerks II and Zack and Miri Make a Porno), and Delhi Belly seems to be something Smith would write, had he written Hindi flicks. (Of course, Smith's Delhi Belly would have waaaaay more fuck/fucker/fuckings, chut/chutiyas, bhenchods, and really, really inspired cussing.) The Nitin character (played wickedly well by Kunaal Roy Kapur) reminds me of Brodie. Holy shit, I think if I'd been just a little less disciplined, that would've been my student flat — I might've been Nitin in a different life ... =|

To me, Delhi Belly is prolly the best comic flick to have come out of "Bollywood". It's smart, it's dirty, and there's isn't a character I don't adore! From Vir Das to Vijay Raaz, they were all kickass (but hands-down favorite is Kunaal Roy Kapur)! I'm so glad this is my first Imran Khan flick and that he played his role wonderfully. And Shenaz Treasurywala and Poorna Jagannathan — why have I not seen them in movies more often? And in BIGGER roles?

LAWD, I haven't laughed so hard, so much, and so insanely since ... who knows when! Can't wait to get my hands on a proper original copy of this!!

Please please please please please produce more such movies, Abhinay Deo/Hindi film industry/Aamir Khan Productions!!!

May 2015 be as hilarious, filthy, and straight-up WICKED FUCKING AWESOME! (Also, I hope to finally catch up on the last decade or so that I'd missed of Hindi movies.)

Chand Ka Tukda

The first time I saw Sonakshi Sinha's face (prolly a still from Lootera I reckon — can't really recall), she reminded me of Madhubala in Mughal-e-Azam at the moment Anarkali lifted her veil:

I know they don't look alike (do they?) and I don't quite know why Sonakshi's face reminded me of Madhubala, but it was the first time I felt I understood what it meant to describe a woman's face as a piece of moon (ugh, how clunky it sounds in English). There's nothing more luminous, more breathtaking, more exquisite.

Look at her! Just look. Her face is one that poets compose poetry and lyrics in praise of!

I think she'll look completely at home in a period drama involving courtesans (I haven't seen any of her films though so I really hope she can act at least half as well as she is beautiful) — maybe another remake of Umrao Jaan? (They've ruined it enough by casting the beauty queen in the 2006 remake anyway.) BUT LEAVE PAKEEZAH THE FUCK ALONE. There is only one Pakeezah, only one Meena Kumari.

Speaking of Meena Kumari, look at the beaut of a compilation showing up on my YouTube feed — it's fucking gorgeous and the perfect way to end the work week!

No 2 States About It

It's become less often these days that songs from a movie I watched infiltrated my mind as earworms, so the fact that 2 States with its 'Mast Magan' managed to do that surprised me. 'Mast Magan' is the new song on repeat!

Also, I think I really liked it. The story was interesting, the actors are mostly awesome (I thought Alia Bhatt looked 15, but who can hold her baby face against her?), and the songs are mostly decent. I found the second half of the film a bit draggy, but it's a happy ending! It's gonna to be one of those shows I will keep rewatching (as soon as I get my hands on a DVD copy) — minus the break-up and post-break-up moping. Also, wow, Ronit Roy is fucking gorgeous!

2 States was what I kept thinking when I was watching Shuddh Desi Romance (of which ending I liked more than the entire flick). With the exception of Rishi Kapoor's character pushing the marriage agenda, who else is pressuring the lead characters to marry? Why on earth would Sushant Singh Rajput's (SSR) character feel compelled to propose? I DON'T GET IT.

The ending I get though. Straight people and marriage ... Eh, whatevs. I find the thought of straight (strait, ha!) marriage pointless, save for economic, financial, and legal reasons. So, you don't wanna marry? Then don't. Why agree to marriage only to run away from your own wedding? All I can think about was: OH NOES ALL THAT WASTED FOOD/RESOURCES PUT INTO SETTING UP THE WEDDING, etc.

Also, comparing the characters Arjun Kapoor and SSR each essayed, I must prefer the former. The latter looked (to me) for most of the movie confused and indecisive. OF COURSE PARI'S GONNA DUMP YOUR SORRY ASS, YOU RECREANT. So Arjun Kapoor's character gets props for his perseverance in the face of all those obstacles, especially mom.

Vaani Kapoor is gorgeous! And can act! I hope she does more Hindi movies soon!!

So: new earworm replacing 'Barfi':

Soan Papdi & Movies

We got to go home at 1 pm so I went straight back to Little India! Found two of the titles I'd shortlisted specially for this outing (Parineeta and Shuddh Desi Romance) then had a wicked delish lunch of fish dum biryani at Anjappar before looking for the other two shortlisted titles.

In the end, I went into a little shop that sold CDs and DVDs as well as ... bangles. They apparently have the two titles I was searching for — Wake Up Sid and Tanu Weds Manu — but I've been suspicious that the Wake Up Sid DVD is a pirate. I don't trust little stores like these but they remembered me from last Saturday and the title I was searching for then (Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge) and told me they could order it for me, so just write down the title and your phone number. Now, on hindsight, I suspect they might just pirate it for me ... =( I DON'T WANT A PIRATED COPY DAMNIT.

Anyway, when I got home (with two pieces of soan papdi!) I figured I had seven titles to choose from (four plus three from last Saturday) but I chose instead to watch 2 States on YouTube. 2 States was very good! (And also I can cross Alia Bhatt and Arjun Kapoor off my list of 'newcomers' to watch, and with Shuddh Desi Romance I can strike off Sushant Singh Rajput.)

So today, my first movie will be RED 2 (thank you YT uploaders!) followed prolly by Aisha, OMG: Oh My God, Don 2, or Raat Gayi, Baat Gayi — really, THANK SO MUCH YT UPLOADERS!

Note to self: put Rajat Kapoor-written and/or -directed movies at top of MUST-WATCH list.

Met Geeta for dinner last Saturday, but before that, I went looking for more DVDs. In the end, I bought:

• Rocket Singh: Salesman of the Year — you know who I think will be awesome as HP (not that Ranbir Kapoor wasn't good in this)? Ayushmann Khurrana. Khurrana would've made a wicked awesome Harpreet Singh Bedi. Also, this is prolly a show I'll be watching over and over again.
• Band Baaja Baaraat — Ranveer Singh and Anushka Sharma looked sho shweet together. I wonder, though, whether she had to wear flats in the entire show because they didn't want her towering over Singh? I also worry that Anuskha Sharma might turn out to be a one-note actor (meaning she emotes in the exact same manner in every single movie, like SRK, like Amisha Patel, like so many other actors ...), but I'll decide after PK and Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.
• Sunday — why did I buy such a show (and a Rohit Shetty one at that ...)? Cuz I'd thought Ajay Devgn and Arshad Warsi would be great together. But the best bit of this crap show was actually Irrfan Khan. Man, I hope he does more comic roles in the future!
• Fashion (not watched yet)
• Teri Meri Kahani (not watched yet, but I have no high hopes for this — I just wanted a light, brain-free romcom)
• Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (same — not watched, just wanted brain-free rom-com).

So, I still couldn't find Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge nor Wake Up Sid. SO FRUSTRATING.

Also watched The Ghost Writer (didn't realize it was Polanski film — I would NEVER have watched it otherwise — Hollywood and the Indian film industry should STOP being rape apologists) and tried to watch Maleficent. Tried. It's just not very engrossing ...

Day of Doctors

So, yesterday, I went to the doctor's so he could tell me all about my blood tests results and the ultrasound. As it turned out, "autoimmune thyroiditis" and "cyst". A tiny cyst — like 0.4 x 0.6 x 0.6 cm or something — but thyroid glands otherwise not overly swollen. The blood tests were worse — there were four tests for four antibodies/T4/T3 whatchamacallits were all from five to over 10 percent over or under the normal range. It's pills for me to control the things attacking the other things, then a review of the dosage in two months' time, and pills pills pill for another 22 months before a check up to see whether I'd gone into remission or not. Even if I did go into remission, chances of my relapsing is higher than my chances of remission. Joy.

Also, close to midnight, I had an accident with solid metal Ganesha. Ended up with a really large and ugly bump on my forehead. A&E at around 1 a.m. to make sure there was no concussion. Ganesha weighed at least 800 gm ...

Anyway. I've been listening to 'Barfi' every day, on repeat. It makes me sooooo happy and I forget shit. Better than drugs and alcohol!

Listen to Barfi from Barfi on Saavn

Holy Shit

A very rough couple of days with possibly more to come.

If you like violence so much, why don't you just kill the fuck outta each other?

Then again those walking assholes don't have two brain cells to rub together, do why am I expecting them to behave rationally?

I'm just so angry at what's happening in Peshawar. At least that idiot in Sydney provided a bit of laughter (at his stupidity and incompetence).

Going to bury my head in Bollywood movies to erase my own violent fantasies of going crazyinsane medieval on those goat-fucking kachra.

Last Week

Last week, I attended a Special Educational Needs (SEN) two-day workshop. On the first day of the workshop, I was notified that Taare Zameen Par was on hold for me — and just in time too! On the whole, I feel that the movie had way too many songs and I wished it focused more on Ishaan's therapy (the workshop didn't explain what sort of therapy was provided for dyslexic, dyscalculic, and dyspraxic children and adults). Ishaan seemed not just dyslexic but also had ADHD and was dyscalculic and dyspraxic.

Anyway, I also finally watched English Vinglish which I'd bought a couple of years ago and never got around to watching (my colleague said it was good and refused to tell me the ending). I liked it a lot and found it very similar to Queen — sheltered Indian woman goes overseas, meets foreign people, a white guy fall in love with her, and goes home to India a changed and somewhat liberated woman. Does this mean Indian women must leave the country to find themselves, realize their individual identity? Ironic then that people go to India to find themselves.

Other titles I watched this week:

My Name is Khan — however much I like SRK, I wish someone else played Khan. Maybe I've seen one too many SRK movies, but I found nothing new in his performance, in how he emotes.

(500) Days of Summer — before I watched it, I was convinced I would love this. I mean, Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt? I ADORE THEM BOTH (especially Jessica Day)!!! But the film was just ... underwhelming (I did like the soundtrack a lot though). I also wished Summer didn't get married but I'm really glad she didn't get back together with Hansen.

Need to buy MORE DVDs!! SOON!!!

Inaccessible

The best sort of crush is a crush on someone completely inaccessible to you. It's less painful because you know it's impossible to ever hook up with the one who, in having, will make long hours short (according to the Bard).

That's sooooo much better than pining over someone who passes by you in the corridors so closely you can smell her shampoo, or - worse - someone you hang out with all the time, making her laugh and dreaming of her laughter.

Moar crushes for me, plz!

Sleepwalking

Got a blood test and ultrasound done on Monday to figure out whether or not I have hyperthyroidism (reason #214 not to breed). Until the test results are out and my doc is back from his vacation to explain them to me, he's given me propanol which I keep forgetting to take twice a day. Spent my two days of sick leave on watching and rewatching my new and old Bollywood DVDs, yet somehow still haven't even opened my copy of Ishqiya which I'd bought a few years ago ... Anyway, I won't allow myself to buy Dedh Ishqiya until I've watched the first one.

Going to work is a such drag. I can't sleep at night and spend most — if not the entire — day so tired it feels like I'm sleepwalking or drunk from the lightheadedness (all side effects of propanol apparently). Ugh fuck me, FML.

Finally it's my turn to watch The Lunchbox (this title has such a long queue of requests at my workplace). I yelled, "I WANT A LESS AMBIGUOUS ENDING!", but have since decided the denouement is as good as it gets. The Lunchbox is really, really lovely.

Reads (& Flicks) of the Month: November

Sadly, I've only read one book this month — well, not read, maybe viewed: Celluloid.

But I have watched:

• Queen — will buy it soon!
• Chandni Chowk to China — ugh. The only reason I borrowed this was that it was one of the handful of Hindi titles my library carries and I plan to go through all of them (well, except the ones I already own)
• Barton Fink: interesting — and Adrian and Ambrose together!
• Brazil: it's both horrifying and sad. Now waiting for the day the world decides to go the way of Brazil ... I knew the last bit must've been a dream or Sam's imagination but I could help trying to believe he got to live happily ever after with Jill. Damn it Gillian, why couldn't you make the ending more ambiguous?
• Brave — finally ...
• Barfi! — one of the DVDs I bought yesterday!
• Peter Pan (1953) — I'd only ever seen the 1988 animation when I was a kid. Is it me, or did Disney make the relationship dynamics between Tinklebell and Peter, Tinkerbell and Wendy, and Peter and Wendy, a whole lot of weird? And what's with all that sexual jealousy that all the female inhabitants of Neverland have of Wendy? I honesty never saw that sexual jealousy as a child but now it's pretty much in my face.
• Agent Vinod — to reiterate: NO FUCKING NO NO NO NO NO. Just ... NO.
• The City of Lost Children (currently watching)

Rewarded myself for surviving this shit-hole of a month by buying six DVDs yesterday — three (Munna Bhai M.B.B.S., Lage Raho Munna Bhai, and Jhankaar Beats) to replace the VCD titles and three 'new' titles (Heyy Babyy — why, girl, why did you buy this?! — Barfi!, and Jolly LLB).

Also managed to catch Revolver Rani yesterday on TV. Oh Kangana and Vir Das look kinda cute together! Also, the people (not the actors) behind Agent Vinod should take a cue from Revolver Rani and fucking learn to come up with scene/contextually suitable songs and how to insert the song-and-dance scenes appropriate so the viewer (well, me) won't go WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS so bloody often.

=\

So I just finished Agent Vinod and ... Lawd what a fucking time waster.

When I saw the word "Interval", I was like, interval — only now?!

Whenever the music came, it never made any fucking sense. NO FUCKING SENSE WHATSOEVER.

The bomb with the Rubaiyat as a key of sort — NO.

Bebo's character could carry a fucking conversation with two bullet shots to her fucking liver — what the fucking fuck is that?

The fact is, I saw what must have been a promo pic from Humshakals — this one to be precise:

I thought Khan looked pretty cute in drag — though not as cute (pretty, even!) as Sharman Joshi in Golmaal — but OMG. It's weird because he doesn't look like he has a high body fat percentage, but his thighs look ... well, fat. And no definable quads to speak of (I had larger quads than him when I was still doing aerials) for someone who looks like he must lift or work out.

Bah. Anyway. Agent Vinod — NO FUCKING NO NO NO NO NO. Just ... NO.

Another Bollywood Weekend

Made myself watch Barfi! last night. I've read good reviews of it but avoided it because I know it'll upset my emotional balance.

Actually, I like it a lot so I'm gonna buy the DVD and never watch. it (Well ... maybe just the scenes of Barfi and Jhilmil interacting because those are adorably charming.)

My only complaints:

• the instrumental track (I love Delicatessen and Amelie, and however good Barfi! is, it's not as whimsical as Jeunet's works);
• even if it's a tribute to Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin, Basu should've directed Kapoor to try to be a little more original (wtf is fuck black-and-white life-size cutout of Chaplin doing in the flick? There's no need to bash that reference over your audience's collective heads);
• Shruti looks too young for Barfi (I'd initially thought D'Cruz must be at least a decade younger than Kapoor) which made it a little creepy for me at first;
• it's one of those films that show erroneously that if a guy is unrelenting in his pursuit of a girl, without regard for her lack of feelings for him, he'll eventually wear her down and she'll just give up.

Also caught Hasee Toh Phasee — OMG I <3 Parineeti Chopra!!! She is just utterly, utterly adorable. AND she can act. Jackpot!

Can't wait for next weekend when I'll finally reward myself with a shitload of new movies!

Much Ado About Bollywood

Ever since I read Much Ado About Nothing, I've decide that this comedy will make the fucking best Bollywood flick (second only to Rangeela), and I've been thinking about the casting. So, I'm going with:

Ben & Bea

• Aamir Khan & Urmilla Matondkar (for their awesome chemistry and banter in Rangeela)
• Rahul Bose & Konkana Sen Sharma (my favorite jodi next to Munna & Mili <3)]
• Kajol & Ajay Devgan (not too sure about this. Raju Chacha flopped but apparently U, Me Aur Hum did well? I think Kajol would make a great Beatrice at any rate)
• Sanjay Suri & Juhi Chawla (cuz Jhankaar Beats is my second favorite movie!)
• Vidya Balan & ? (love her — I just don't know who would complement her best)
• Tabu & ?
• Madhuri Dixit & ?
• Rani Mukherji & Abhishek Bachchan (they look and work awesome together)

Claudio & Hero

• Arjun Rampal & Dia Mirza (my first choice since 2003/4! They look so cute together in Deewanapan and Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd.)
• Jimmy Shergill & Kangana Ranaut (I wish Jimmy Shergill gets better roles in Hindi films — I don't watch Punjabi films — but here I am imagining him and Kangana not-so-great roles ...)
• Ranbir Kapoor & ? (Katrina Kaif CANNOT act; maybe Sonakshi Sinha or Anushka Sharma? Not so sure about the screen chemistry though)
• Shahid Kapoor & Amrita Rao (?)

Leonato

• Naseeruddin Shah
• Anupam Kher (he made a great Mr Bennett in Bride & Prejudice, so maybe he's a great dad-figure-type)

Don Pedro

• Boman Irani (well, either Don Pedro or in the Dogberry-type role ...)

Don John

• Saif Ali Khan (I think he's evil evil evil — and prolly a great upgrade from Keanu Reeves' Don John)
• Hrithik Roshan

Dogberry + one or two others

• Arshad Warsi
• Sharman Joshi (he does great comedic stuff with both Arshad Warsi in the Golmaal franchise and Madhavan in 3 Idiots)
• Madhavan

And who best to write/direct this than Rajkumar Hirani? Music by A. R. Rahman — of course.

I would watch the fuck out of this movie. Please get it made!

Full Circle

So the other day as I was excitedly compiling a long list of DVDs I'll buy as treat for surviving this godawful November, I came across the synopsis of Salaam Namaste. I realized that movie sorta comes full circle from Kya Kehna - Saif Ali Khan's character finally accepted the baby after being a complete asshole ... and before he gets to be a forever asshole! 

L

After the workshop, as she passed by my front gates (where I was playing with Pumpkin) on her way out, she stopped, and, after a short exchange, she asked for my number. I gave it to her without asking why.

Disappointingly, though, she didn't call. =(

Ah well, it would've been nice to have a new friend ...

Books, Books, Books!

I love ordering from Book Depository - and not just because of free shipping. The books arrive one by one, and I love getting things in the post that aren't bills and other boring shit.

The first of my order to arrive was Hugh Laurie's The Gun Seller. Then, when I got from class last night, the rest of my order - Lang Leav's Love & Misadventure and Dave McKean's Celluloid!

Joy, joy, joy!¡!

In Times of Stress ...

INDULGE IN BOLLYWOOD!

So, the last time I had multiple deadlines all at the same time, I escaped by reading. this time it's my old love, Bollywood movies.

Also, my The World Before Her DVD from the Kickstarter I supported arrived! The Hindu fundamentalist camp is horrible, and the girl who is thankful her father let her live even though she was a girl-child is horrifying.

I also recently caught Queen which I really like — OMG Kangana Ranaut as Rani is soooooooo adorable!

Today, I also attended a modern calligraphy workshop which was really nice (I have terrible handwriting)! Can't wait to go to the next level workshop!

Read(s) of the Month: October

• Robert Galbraith's The Silkworm — will read again!
• Amanda Grange's Mr Darcy's Diary — yeah ... no. I love Pride and Prejudice but Grange's Darcy falls a little flat for me.
• Yasutaka Tsutsui's Paprika — book on which one of my favorite films is based! I think Atsuko in the film is actually quite different from Atsuko in the book. The book has a lot more details going on in the narrative too. I suspect if I'd read the book without watching the movie, I'd've been quite lost. Satoshi Kon made Paprika really, really awesome. And how much of a genius is Kon? Tony Zhou's fantastic video essay is a great place to start!

Ink ... or Something

Back in 2008, at the end of every quarter I'd treat myself to something. I ended up with two navel piercings (one above, one below), one lower navel microdermal (on the keloid left by the lower navel piercing), one sternum piercing, and a blacklight tattoo. And I haven't had anything done since ...

I've been itching for a new ink but lack ideas - until now (desperate times). I decided on:

1) "Not here, you're where I stand, hearing the sea, crazy for the shore, seeing the moon ache and fret for the earth." [Top of the fern]

2) A geometric stencil & watercolor pair of Betta fish [one above each elbow, in opposite directions]

3) My 'Hope' verse OR last stanza of Pope's 'Ode on Solitude' - or both! [inside of left forearm; side of ribs]

4) I also want something on nape, prolly a dragonfly

5) Doggie's fore paws prints [where she usually hits me when I lock the gate]

I honestly CANNOT wait to get something done. It beats cutting myself in my books - though to each her own ...

Some Things

Some things that make you sad will always make you sad, I guess. It's days like these that make me believe that happiness is transient, elusive, and unreal - the dream within a dream.

Being sad is slightly more real. Well ... at least it's familiar grounds.

'Cause I Really Like to Meet Her

I know I shouldn't put much stock in it, but every time it happened, it was spot on.

Too many times it's happened. Then, in last couple of weeks, I heard:

Come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight

These couple of weeks, it is:

Tell me all your thoughts on God
'Cause I'd really like to meet her
And ask her why we're who we are

Yeah, so I know I shouldn't put much stock (if any) in this, but I still wonder what this is meant to reflect of my mind.

Nothing to Lose

Now that my body had me drop out of aerials, I feel there's nothing to lose and everything to gain if I were injured in a bus crash somehow because - hey, I won't have to be at work then.

My People

I only truly and fully get the awesomeness that is Tumblr when I have a crush on some unattainable figure ... like Sue Perkins.

Tumblr gave me this:

from SuePerkinsSuperstar

And many many many more gifs and imgs of Sue Perkins and Sue and Mel.

Oh yeah. Tumblr, you mah people.

Read(s) of the Month: September (Additions)

Whatever possessed me to do a Read of the Month at the beginning of the month rather than at the end of it? I feel like I've been devouring books these few weeks. In the month of September, I finished:

• Tarquin Hall's Vish Puri series (हिंखोज good read यार!)
• Nick Trout's The Patron Saint of Lost Dogs
• Kathy Reich's Bare Bones.

Looks like I won't be finishing The Anthologist or Jo Nesbø's The Bat. Books too easily put down and not tempting enough to be picked up again.

You Learn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…

That you really are strong
And you really do have worth…
And you learn and learn…
With every good-bye you learn.

Jorge Luis Borges

Just across this tonight. It makes me want to cry. How long is "a while"?

Mephisto

I came across an old note I wrote back Nov 2008 in which I was mad at the boss. Funny how I'd forgotten the anxiety and turmoil of my decision.

Mephisto offered to shoot the tires off the bus I'd said I boarded and couldn't get off ...

No regrets, I still wonder what would've happened if I had got off that bus.

Mephisto had left before i returned and I don't know if he's even still alive. I have been missing him. He's always so sure and I guess that's what I need now - that confidence and self-assurance.

Read(s) of the Month: September

The more I feel stressed out, the more I read, apparently. Which I guess makes sense because whenever I feel overwhelmed in any way, I look for exits. Books make for great escapes.

Anyway, I'm done with Principles of Design 1 and Digital Design 1. The final project for Digital Design 1 was food boxes/carriers for a food joint. We had to come up with a concept for the food joint and design and make the damn box/carrier. The flip food box had issues, so I made another box (actually I made at least four or five — including the prototype — and only submitted three).

On a term break this Wednesday and next Monday ... thank Goddess for the breather!

Reads of the month:

• Into Darkness by Jonathan Lewis
• Room by Emma Donoghue (finally!) — OMFG I love this book so much I think I'll buy a copy!

I also borrowed I, Lucifer again but prolly won't get around to reading it. I also think I prolly won't finish The Anthologist — when I put it down (for reasons unrelated to the book), I don't feel the need to pick it up ASAP. Also, I'm reading an old Kathy Reichs that I'd missed (so hard to read in chronological order when you have to depend on a library) which is hard to put down, so.

[...]

So the assignment (100% weightage!) for one of my classes is:

To design a packaging for restaurant/café for customers to take away their food. This packaging should feature the unique qualities of the restaurant of their specialty dishes or ingredients.

I found this unique and awesome food packaging and so have (very foolishly) decided to base my assignment around that (because it looks awesome fun to make and I was itching to make my own). Following the video, I actually managed to make it cuz it's really simple!

Other than this little spot of joy, I feel like everything else is a chaotic, crushing mass — work, classes, my eating, my physical condition ... Fuck.

Read(s) of the month (can't remember when I finished reading these, whether it's at the beginning of this month or the end of the last):

• Cat Out of Hell: <3
• The Last Tomorrow: Is he trying to ape Ellroy? Cuz it's a fail fail fail. If not, then I think it's an overly complicated tale with very few sympathetic characters (if there were even any at all). Will not read Jahn again.
• Lost Cat: I cried. Because [spoiler] ... Tibby and Fibby both died =...((

Homework =(

I always take fucking FOREVER to complete my homework from the Principles of Design class. So now I don't have any time to do the stuff that I actually like doing and want to do ... =(

This is the homework for a/symmetry. My instructor didn't actually approve two of them (one of the asymmetrical ones and the symmetrical out-of-the-box variation) but I prefer what I'd done that horrible ones I did that she did approve. I feel like the moon should be colored in ... but can't visualize whether that would make the whole design more "heavy" (wtf?).

Freedom to Read

A simple one. I really should start working on my Principles of Design assignment since I've already decided to once again skip stretch & core and aerial prac this afternoon (during which I'd planned to hold up to five seconds on my toe hang and practise my spinning straddle — but, oh well ...).

Sigh.

And Tango Makes Three

ARGH. This whole fiasco makes me SO. MAD.

I work in a library. I believe libraries should provide access to and be a repository of knowledge and information; libraries must be inclusive. What I don't believe libraries should do is "reflect existing social norms, and not to challenge or seek to change them". Hell. No.

The NLB's stance (and, I believe, the government's) to not challenge or change — to maintain status quo — should be drivel espoused by unthinking folks, not by a public institution of knowledge. Shame on you. I hope your decision and your justification for your decision are met with universal condemnation and ridicule.

#FreedomtoRead

Read of the Month: July

A very fast read this time round (because it was a crime/thriller book): Where Evil Lies.

Promising start, very unsatisfying denouement — almost anticlimatic. Female characters seem to be there only to give blowjobs, fuck male characters, and provide emotional comfort. The author seems obsessed with blowjobs (including a "mouth rape").

Oh well, at least it was a quick read (and didn't piss me off as much as Ian McEwan's Sweet Tooth). When I dropped off the book this morning, I thought I should've stuck a Post-it in there to let the person who has reserved the book (yes, there was one — goodness knows why) know it's not worth their time.

On with the next book!

Crimson & Clover

One of my favoritest songs ever. I love both the original by Tommy James & The Shondells and Joan Jett & The Blackhearts' cover (which reminds me of the opening of one of The L Word episodes even though iirc the music used was the original and not the cover). I also have a cover by Tommy Roe and used to play all three versions over and over on loop.

Joan Jett ... So. Hawt.

'Crimson and clover' is also why I fell in love with Jarvis Cocker's 'Black Magic' on the very first listen.

There's just something addictive about this particular riff/chord pattern ... In the words of Duke Orsino in Twelfth Night:

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die. (I.i.1-3)

Hello Cruel World

Yay! I didn't nod off or waste too much time watching the telly this afternoon so I got something so show for my time! E's (Mark Oliver Everett) lyrics again. I initially thought of doing only "Hello cruel world" but decided to continue the stanza a little further. Not a good choice (also, it led to the food stain — the perils of writing on the kitchen table). Much prefer just the first three words.

Some Practice

Bought a ZIG Calligraphy II pen and I'm liking the 2mm tip. I skipped Stretch/Core and Aerial Gym to practise my handwriting ... wonder if it's even worth it. Sigh ...

Anyway, eels' lyrics today: 'A Daisy Through Concrete' and 'Somebody Loves You'. The other one — "Write now, right now" — just occurred to me.

If I'm not too lazy tomorrow, I'll want to be able to write something for a cutting.

At Last ...

Finally finished the book, so ...

Read of the month: The Little Old Lady who Broke All the Rules. (I do and cannot recommend this book.)

Yay to getting some learning on Illustrator!

B for Beastly

God, my Bs are hideous. Yuck.

And one practice A from last night:

But I'll take heart from Jess's words; I'll practise. Hopefully I'll get better.

Handwriting Practice

Goodness, it's almost the end of the month and I've still not finished The Little Old Lady who Broke All the Rules. It's just way too easy to stop reading the damn book — I just don't find it that engaging.

Anyway. No cutting, just doing an 'A'. I feel like I need a larger piece of paper (I guess I could write smaller too). I confused myself doing those swashes (which is why it's so scrunched up and lopsided.

Classes start next Monday. I'm a little excited, more nervous and anxious.

"Happily Ever After"

I think it might've been Emily who'd suggested offhandedly "happily ever after". And why not?

A very rough draft of what I had in mind (then went over it shakily with a pen). I still need to work on my swashes which I'm terrible at. Basically, handwriting is not my thing, but yet I find it sorta fun — quite ironically because of: swashes.

I'll prolly keep the heart shape. The H I was pleased with initially but now feel it looks out of proportion and unbalanced. There could be more I could do with the ps too. I mean, double p — a ligature maybe? And my descenders are always so shitty too. Sigh.

Papercut #2

On sick leave yesterday (food poisoning) and requested for urgent leave today because I simply don't feel like I'd be able to cope with eight and a half hours at work. Still zero appetite; subsisting on water and sweetened soy milk.

So, with today off, I pretended I made things for a living ... and realized I couldn't do it — I took too long to make something that looks too terrible.

First draft on graph paper in pencil then traced over with a pen.

Thought process: "Why not make a cutting?" So pencil on A4 drawing block, then traced over with a marker. Brain asked, "Why not add flourishes to surround the word?"

"YIKES. Word drowned in flourishes ..." =(

Do over in pencil:

Changed my mind about a small flourish ...

Traced with pen then marker. (Why? Heaven only knows ...) Commence cutting:

Done:

Conclusion: looks wonky and therefore ugly. (Plus spacing between letters is CRAP!!) But what's done is done. Dare I mount this as a gift for Hazel on Friday?

Round & Round ... Papercut #1

Should I embark on this — 30 Papercuts?

Today's lunch topic was travel. Everywhere my parents, my aunt and her husband, and my cousin and her husband, has gone. Everybody's traveling but me. Then again, it's my fault. I'm too scared to travel alone.

The feature article in the lifestyle papers today was on local crafts-people. There was a young girl who fucking owns her own letterpress! How fucking awesomely cool is that?! I wish so hard I could be one of them — making beautiful things for a living.

Anyway. As I was cutting this pattern this morning, I suddenly thought to hand-write something for Hazel (the first stanza from 'The Clod and the Pebble'), something script-y with ball terminals (like the pattern I was cutting), A4-sized. (Not by this Friday, of course.) Hm. We'll see how that goes ...

Day #30

And so, not with a bang but a pathetic fizz.

I did this with the express purpose of cutting. This morning, I sat down and wondered what I was gonna do for today's pattern(s) and suddenly thought I'd like very much to cut. And so this thing, which hopefully I'll get to cut tomorrow.

While walking Doggie I gave a poor woman who approached us for direction the WRONG directions. NOT THE FIRST TIME EITHER. Fuck, I suck at this. I've absolutely NO FUCKING SENSE OF DIRECTION whatsoever. I should resolve to NEVER give directions ever again. =(

Day #29

Second last day.

Even though I got the day off today (medical leave, which let me finally get my back x-rays done!), I didn't do much by way of doodling cuz I was completely outta juice. And bored.

Okay. I gotta admit to not making time to focus on doodling because I just started on Penny Dreadful which is just fucking awesome. Finished four episodes today; can't wait for the next! (Personally, I think Dorian Gray should've been played by the guy playing Frankenstein. My first choice would've been Jude Law — I might just be influenced by the casting for Wilde.)

Day #28

I did one in the office this morning — surreptitiously, of course — because I was nodding off with my marking. Indecisive people make terrible markers and graders ... =(

The pen I was using went wonky towards the end and I had to switch to a pen of a different blue.

I also thought I should try a more scattered sort of pattern so I did one when I got home. Don't like how it looks though. It feels ... sorta abrupt and incomplete.

Day #27

It's occurred to me that my lethargy these couple of weeks could be due to my going back to overdosing on sugary foods (it started because the sister brought home with her all the cookies and crepes and spreads from France), and I'm also drinking more and more instant milky coffee.

Anyway. I feel like I've been neglecting my kitties too; haven't been the Crazy Cat Lady™ regularly.

Managed to actually finish an A5 sheet tonight after Stretch & Core.

Day #26

So, this was what I started yesterday:

Today, I remembered Hazel's cutting. ARGH. Haven't. Done. Shit. Wonder if I could come up with something quick and dirty for next Friday ... ARGH.

(But this sort of stress I actually don't mind.)

I didn't forget to do a pattern; I just didn't have time to finish the one I started before leaving for dinner with an old friend and her baby.

Wish I had her drive and strong sense of direction. Meanwhile, I'm still waffling about looking for a new job and getting angry at/about work.

Maybe I just don't handle stress well.

But it seems like whenever my manager's not in the office, I rage less frequently.

Day #25

Just five more days left in 30 Days of Patterns. Not sure whether I'll continue with patterns doodling or not. Time, discipline ... not my strong suit.

I like the borders. I think if it's neater and more uniform, the movement and dance of the border pattern would be more obvious.

Day #24

After Yin yoga today, in the locker room, I overheard two girls complaining about how Yin yoga is too slow and that one of them even fell asleep. Girls! Those are features, not bugs!

I've been very briefly considering doing the Hair for Hope thing. It's been so warm and humid these few months that shaving my hair off sounds totally logical. The only thing holding me back is ... well, I'm not brave enough to be naked that way.

Borrowed Romeo + Juliet and Now You See Me for the weekend. Now You See Me was a sorta decent movie until the ending. As much as I love Mélanie Laurent, her character feels like an afterthought that serves only as eye candy. And the ending was lazy and completely clichéd. The Sixth Sense did it so much better.

Anyway. Finally made the frozen banana soft serve thingy (two frozen 'nanas + one tbsp honey-roasted peanut butter + one tbsp unsweetened cocoa). It was decent, I guess ...

The patterns I doodle are getting really crappy and boring.

Day #23

Not gonna complain about work tonight. Nope. Cuz, hey, THANK FUCKING GOD IT'S FUCKING FRIDAY!!!

I find the 0.5 pens a little too thick I think for some of the patterns I'm doing. Not sure whether I should get 0.3 or 0.1 pens. And maybe in more colors?

Day #22

This week is ... ugh. Yesterday I actually opened one of three packets of cookies I have in the office — one of the two packets of the ToffeePops. That's when I know I'm not dealing with this week well. I offered Debby some but she said she's on a diet. We got to chatting and she told me her new tattoo idea and recommended that I think about my next one (instead of ruining my body with crappy over-processed snacks).

But I'm out of ideas. My brain is exhausted. And my patterns are like petering out, just one per day lately. But, to be fair, it does take quite a bit of time to finish one, even if it's only an A6-sized sheet of paper.

Day #21

Every hour that I'm at work, I can't stand it, want to sabotage myself. Because fuck all these last minute shit. Seriously. They should all go fuck themselves and burn in the stinky hell fire.

Last minute. Because nobody's time bloody matters, not the least a lowly minion.

Day #20

So tired after two classes today I decided to skip aerials class. Sigh. Yes, only two classes (four hours and around 70 kids in total) and I'm beat. Teenagers are so draining ...

Added a little more stuff to yesterday's pattern and did a small (A6) one for today. Pftttt.

I think I finally did it — memorized the entire balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet (Oxford World's Classics, 2000). I decided to do it after watching Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet in 1997 (or thereabouts). For the longest time, the bit after "But to be frank and give it thee again ..." eluded me; then, last week, I could suddenly regurgitate most of it. So, yay ... I guess?