A One-Eighty?

What happened since the last post:

• Yesterday: A call from someone from a recruitment company asking me whether I was interested in a training position; promised to email me a detailed job description;
• Yesterday: A call from a local library body asking me to attend an interview next week;
• Yesterday: Came across a comms position that actually excited me (plus it's located in the east!) and I can't wait to apply;
• Today: Before I could even start doing up my cover letter for that comms job, a call from a local university library asking me about my availability for an interview in a fortnight and a promise to send an email to me once the details have been confirmed;
• Today: I actually got a reply from a local welfare group who had previously told me I wasn't going to be considered as a candidate because my expected salary was too high but to which I asked to be considered based on my experience and skills—it is really short notice, but they've asked me to go in for an interview tomorrow!

Now, of course, in an ideal world, I'd be getting job offers from all these interviews, but I know that's hardly going to be the case. I'm just now a little torn about what I would like to do IF I did manage to get different job offers.

I'd sent off applications for many library positions because I think I want to start on my MSc next year (if I found work in a library within this year, then hopefully my manager/employer could write me a recommendation letter to strengthen my application for the MSc). The interview with the local library body is for a short-term contract (ending at the end of March 2016) at a public library while the position with the university library is a permanent role.

PROS:

• They're library jobs and I actually like working in a library (although I'm not too sure about public library work—I've only ever worked in academic libraries)
• The more library work on my résumé, the stronger my MSc application.
• University (or research/academic) libraries are where I want to work.
• The university library that called me this morning is the only university in this country offer the MSc; I could kill two birds with one stone (if I got the job and got accepted into the MSc program).

CONS:

• Location—oh holy fuck they're on the west side of the island, with the university campus practically located in the neighboring country (yes, that's how FAR away it is), and the commute might just kills me.
  
  I know this is the only con that I can see (for now) but it's a very frightening, pragmatic, and realistic one. I'd gone for an interview at that same university a couple of weeks ago (for a position I didn't even apply wtf) and my dad drove me. It was THE. LONGEST. CAR. RIDE. OF. MY. LIFE. The train ride home was similarly THE. LONGEST. TRAIN. RIDE. OF. MY. LIFE. (Well, they're not—I've taken road trips and train rides between Auckland and Wellington—but that car ride and that train ride were so boring they felt like the longest journeys ever.)
  
  Some years ago, my friend Jen received a work-study scholarship for her MSc at this very university. She eventually dropped out of the program because of the commute and the people in the office. =(

Okay, that's just one dilemma. The other one I have is about the types of job I've been applying to. For the interview I'm going to tomorrow ...

PROS:

• It's at a great (central) location (and near both an aerial/pole arts studio, art schools where I can perhaps pursue a certificate or part-time diploma in Visual Communication/Communication Design or any other design/artsy-crafty course, and the national library)!
• If I got the job, I might just get to work with the wonderful and smart and tireless women who are involved in producing CEDAW shadow reports (which I only got to know about thanks to the QUILTBAG group).
• There's a direct train from this job's location to another local university where I can pursue an MA by coursework (in Linguistics/English Language or English Literature). I figured if my goal is to become a subject librarian, I should have both a Masters in a subject and in library studies, no?

PROS:

• I don't know what kind of a (professional) future I'd have in that organization—I don't think I'll be able to become a professional (i.e. as compared to being a librarian).
• Going away from library work then applying for the MSc is likely to weaken my application ...

Once I finish and send in the application I'm writing, I'd have applied for two Communications-type jobs. These are actually interesting to me because I think the jobs would require me to both design and write—two things I think I'm actually decent at and which aren't completely snore-inducing for me. However, I have no interest in pursuing a Masters in Mass Communication at this point (even if it is a professional degree) and I think I might have to start at the bottom of the food chain in this field if they don't recognize the communications and promotion/marketing work I did in the library. I really enjoy visual communication-related tasks and want to continue to develop my skills in design as well as the software used.

Bah. This is thinking too far ahead. Damnit, I should've only written post if/when I actually have job offers ...

Anyway. The best news today is actually the fact that when I googled Mephisto's name, his Twitter account is the top result! HE'S ALIVE THANK THE GOOD GODDESS!!!

A Week Of Beginnings

Two things began this week — my beginner Hindi classes and my QUILTBAG reading and discussion group. Quite a coincidence that both keep me very close to my favorite place here, outside of my home and the Studio.

I found the first Hindi class a little boring and weird. A little boring because I learned nothing really new — or, nothing I didn't see in my copy of Snell's Teach Yourself Hindi. It's also a little weird because I can never understand how people learn a new language without first learning about the grammar and syntax of the language; I mean, I'm not a fucking parrot.

It's a good thing I already know a bit of Hindi syntax and grammar (and am practicing my reading of the Devanagari script now — thank you people who tweet using the Devanagari script). Vocabulary I'm not very fussed about because it's really easy to pick up words from all the movies I watch, the songs to which I listen, and the lyrics (and their English translations) I read.

I adore languages and find them fascinating. I don't see myself as a casual learner so repeating set phrases in class isn't exactly how I'd envision a language-learning class would run.

The QUILTBAG reading and discussion group was much better. Listening to everybody's thoughts on sex, gender, and sexuality was wonderful because I remembered the many years I'd pondered over these issues and how I finally just gave up, sick and weary of going around in circles, like the dog chasing its own tail.

I also sorta 'realized' my desperate rejection of certain markers of femininity and what I thought of as "'stereotypical' girly stuff" wasn't entirely inexplicable. Sergio once told me (prolly apropos of nothing, as was his wont) it was okay for me to like 'girly' things like accessories and make-up (etc.) — because those things would not made me ditzy or stupid.

On hindsight, perhaps he was hinting for me to do better on the look-more-like-other-PAs front. Or maybe he was trying to give me the permission to do and like the things he thought I didn't allow myself to do/like. Well, in any case, he was only half right.

Right now, I feel somewhat unsettled and very wrung out. It's prolly just the full moon and my impending period (UGH), and nothing to do with the session.

Can't believe I'm actually playing my hitherto unopened copy of Barfi as a source of comfort now but I guess it makes sense. 'Barfi' has been my go-to happy song (and weekday alarm ringtone) for awhile now.

Also: I guess I need some poetry tonight. Carol Ann Duffy, maybe. Or 'Prufrock'. Or The Four Quartets.

Because I am merely human, and "human kind / Cannot bear very much reality".

Goat Biryani & Philosophy

After I skipped out of the office at 13.30, I headed straight for Little India. Threading took less than three minutes and then I was walking around looking for that famous biryani place I've read about, called Bismillah.

Well, you know, with that name, I should've known I could expect a side dish of wisdom and philosophy with my delicious goat biryani and mango lassi because that was exactly what I got. As I was settling my bill, I fell into conversation with one of the proprietors who was at the cash register.

We talked mostly about food — his philosophy on food (although he didn't call it 'philosophy') — then veered into the general topic of living. It was a truly interesting conversation; there were many points I hope to remember and put into practice.

For instance, he said (something like): if you focus only on one thing in life, then you're like a horse with blinders. If you're obsessed with one thing, your life is just a dot. Life goes every which way — horizontally, vertically, diagonally, etc. — so why spend your time on earth remaining static in that dot?

Towards the end of our conversation (I mainly contributed by listening), he suddenly reminded me of Sergio. Sergio always emphasized logic; he said everything we do follows (or should follow) logic. The proprietor said everything we do has meaning. When he said that, I remembered Sergio's dimly lit office, my sitting in front of his desk, Sergio with his beloved Diet Coke, a glass, and a coaster, Sergio's illustration of logic using the glass and the coaster ...

The proprietor also said, avoid collisions with other people — it's better to walk away and avoid clashing with someone than get drive headlong into a crash because bad thoughts and words will only sour your day. Why choose to make life bad for yourself? This made me think of work, how I always get angry because I don't agree with the way things are and how things are done. I know, it's really not worth it; I should never get mad at work.

Then the proprietor asked, what is happiness? What is hell? Happiness the period between bad things happening in your life; hell, the period between good things happening. (I might've also read this somewhere else.) What is life but a cycle, no?

This lovely little interlude in the afternoon makes me think that I should do more things on my own. Serendipity finds me only when I'm on my own and I meet such lovely people. This was like that time when I stumbled upon a beautiful shop of statues and other artworks somewhere in Left Bank/Cuba Mall while I was waiting on my takeaway. The owner, who had been smoking outside his antique/art shop, started chatting with me and it ended with an invitation to dine with his wife on "authentic" Indian food.

I must really be out there on my own more often. Friends proffer buffer and safe spaces, but, as the proprietor had said, why remain in one spot when you can go anywhere, in every different direction?

Mephisto

I came across an old note I wrote back Nov 2008 in which I was mad at the boss. Funny how I'd forgotten the anxiety and turmoil of my decision.

Mephisto offered to shoot the tires off the bus I'd said I boarded and couldn't get off ...

No regrets, I still wonder what would've happened if I had got off that bus.

Mephisto had left before i returned and I don't know if he's even still alive. I have been missing him. He's always so sure and I guess that's what I need now - that confidence and self-assurance.