Sleepless Week

Yeah, that was last week. It was hard fall asleep immediately upon hitting sack, so I ended up doing little exercises and/or watching YouTube clips till 1 am. That horrible sleeping hour coupled with the time I had to wake (06.30) meant I was just tired all the time when I wasn't totally jacked up on caffeine.

So, not only did I not finish my readings for yesterday, I watched zero movies. However, I did manage to make it to aerial gym on Wednesday night with a couple of girls I got to know through aerial yoga, and saw many familiar faces (and got back on the lyra!) at aerial gym.

After discussion yesterday, we had dinner together again, and drinks again. I do like these outings with the QUILTBAG group. It didn't even occur to me to feel out of place until Auntie Al mentioned and asked me about it. True, I know nothing about and have never been involved in the LGBTQ scene here, but that is why this QUILTBAG discussion group is such an educational and illuminating experience for me.

I have to admit, too, having read the readings given to us I feel inflamed with desire — a need, even — to do something. To give back, from the privileged position in which I have begun to realize I stand.

Then, as I was walking my dog earlier tonight, I thought about the brainwave one of familiar faces at aerial gym had: How about we combine a space for cirque practique with a small kitchen service (that includes wine/alcohol)?

YES. To expand PH's idea further: Obviously, nobody should get up on an appartus when they're less than sober, so we can either restrict entry to the apparatus area once alcohol is being served; or, we install door bitches at the apparatus area. I know the people who go to the dance/yoga studios I'd gone to are all middle-class (and above) — or at least have disposable income. I would like to have these people direct their money to worthy (local) causes while they enjoy themselves. Also, the F&B area will have to source locally, if not from fair-trade imports.

The fact is, among all these lovely people I meet at the studios are people who can cook and bake (one of them even does it professionally), and are artistically inclined. We could beg for their help or hire them.

The only question is: How sustainable is this? My cynical and pessimistic side says: NOT AT ALL. With space at a premium and rent sky-high, unless there are angel investors and someone with good business sense at the helm, and a lot of hard work and long hours, this is but a pipe-dream.

Anyway. I felt the need to watch a silly Hindi film today to avoid feeling overwhelmed by my thoughts and emotions, so I watched Doli Ki Doli ... which was perfect because this movie was underwhelming.

There is no real tension, no real story, and there isn't even a character to root for. The blasé ending could've been ameliorated had Robin Singh not burned the damn 'looteri dulhan' file.

I mean, as Dolly herself pointed out, they do what they do because they're good at it. A better ending, therefore, would've been Robin smiling to himself as he reopens the 'looteri dulhan' file and continues his cat-and-mouse game with Dolly and her gang. Robin and Dolly could've met every so often when he catches up to her.

Anyway. it's an "AK" production so I guess I couldn't expect too much from this film ...

Three

Just three today:

• Ek Chalis Ki Last Local
  Watched to see why it's considered a cult classic. Well, I thought it was a decent movie which reminded me of The Film Emotional Atyachar — in very basic premise of found money, a sorta femme fatale (Kalki in Emotional and Neha Dhupia in Last Local), how everything changes dramatically in a short span of time, lotsa deaths about which I didn't give a fuck, and Snehal Dabi who appeared in both movies.
  
  This movie the first thing I've seen Abhay Deol in and he was decent. I should try to find a comedy he's done because, for whatever reason, Zindagi Na Milege Dobara isn't something that interests me in the least.
  
  Nawaz was woefully under-used in this. GIVE HIM MORE IMPORTANT ROLES DAMNIT.
  
• Game
  I felt Game had so much potential to be a great thriller: Strangers brought together by a mysterious figure who knew what each of them did last summer (sorta). So much potential ... therefore so much disappointment.
  
  Someone — perhaps the scriptwriter — tried really hard to be clever and it showed. Yes, the movie showed how hard they tried to be smart but ended up being so dumb.
  
  Look, I'm the least critical of movie-watchers. I watch movies to switch my brain off, but Game was ... lord.
  
  First off, I don't know what kinda police Kangana Ranaut is supposed to be but even I figured the 'deceased' was left-handed when she was poking around his drawers. Secondly, really? Your field officers didn't have the stamina to outrun a 'civilian'? WTF? Thirdly, did it have to take the dicks that long to figure out Samara could potentially be the murderer?
  
  Also, you can't base a major red herring in your movie purely on coincidence. There's no way Samara could be certain there'd be someone who not only woke early but also was located conveniently outside of the 'murder' scene to provide her with an alibi. Also, how could a seasoned supercop like AB Jr's character not feel a pulse on the 'corpse' who was very much alive?
  
  Anyway. Whatever.
  
  The cast was stellar though, again, sadly mis- and/or under-used. Jimmy Shergill, Kangana, AB Jr., Bomani Irani, Anupam Kher — all very fine actors in this unworthy film. Sigh.
  
• Tevar
  I guess it helps having very low (to nil) expectations prior to watching this movie. I didn't hold it to high expections and understood it to be a masala flick on par with a very mediocre Akshay Kumar action-comedy. So I guess I wasn't disappointed at all.
  
  Only reason I wanted to watch Tevar was that it looked sorta interesting from the 'Joganiyan' video clip.
  
  That said, it's not like I don't have complaints about the movie.
  
  If I had to choose only one thing to complain about, it would be the Radhika character. Every time she appeared in a scene, I'd be like, oh for fuck's sakes, girl because this character did nothing but throw moon eyes in Pintu's way. GAH I wanted to shake her.
  
  This is the first time I've watched Sonakshi Sinha in a sorta lead role but girl needs to quit the moony damsel in distress roles, like STAT. I wish she plays characters more like what she seems to be like in real life — someone who doesn't suffer fools gladly and is assertive.
  
  The end of Tevar was very similar to Chennai Express I thought (similarly ridiculous).

A few of us had dinner together again after the QUILTBAG discussion yesterday. Someone opened a can of worms asking (those present after dinner) if we'd consider dating anybody in the discussion group. A big and immediate NO from me cuz I'm so much older than so many of them but also because ... ugh. It really makes me uncomfortable to even think about such a thing because I like the idea of this discussion group being a purely intellectual and platonic one — in other words, a 'safe' space.

I mean, nothing against the other girls who are open to this; I personally don't like to think that there might be some girls 'fishing' for potential partners in this group because ... I'm neurotic and have issues (mostly about the miasma of the concept of a 'meat market' which may trigger my social anxiety).

But, two girls (old friends) apparently like the same girl in the group so ... hm. I am a wee bit curious and would like to live vicariously through their infatuation! I don't think I'll ever crush on somebody I know personally.

Weekend

I watched:

• The Lego Movie
  For some reason I'd thought this would be like Team America: World Police; it's not. I guess it's a cute flick for kids but it's just okay for me. My god, the message they just hit you over the head with. No subtly with this one ...
• The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (2013)
  I only watched this because Auntie Al's friend/client said I should — the movie will push me to get off my ass and travel, said he. The thing is, I never had daydreams like those of the titular character. If I were as bored as him at my job, my daydreams tend to run a little more morbid, like the double-decker bus in which I traveled skidding and toppling over because it cornered too quickly and too sharply, or the overhead extension on which I walked collapsing from structural faults.
  Still, I thought the scenes in Greenland, Iceland, and the Himalayas looked gorgeous. For some reason — perhaps having seen it in a book previously — the Iceland shore bit looked very familiar, exactly as I'd pictured it reading the sagas and about the geography of Iceland prior to 1400 CE.
  I don't think the movie has made me desperate to travel — in fact, as I was watching the movie, I'd thought how well seeing things at a distance (on screen, for instance) suited me. I still want to see Pangong Tso first hand and hopefully visit the medieval sites around the UK and Scandinavia while I can still walk, but it's not because of this particular movie.
• Edge of Tomorrow
  Okay, I like this more than Walter Mitty, that's for sure. One, I like stuff that fucks with time; two, I like explosive stuff. And, of course, Emily Blunt.
  EMILY BLUNT. <3
  THOSE ARMS. <3 <3
  OMG HELLO THERE. <3 <3 <3
  Also, the movie is fun and funny. The mimics were super creepy though. Ugh, so gross.
• Bhool Bhulaiya
  Bought this yesterday after the QUILTBAG discussion session (together with a replacement copy of Khosla Ka Ghosla). It's pretty decent given that it's a Priyadarshan movie and I don't have high expectations when it comes to Priyadarshan, Rohit Shetty, David Dhawan (etc.) works. I thought it was a good sign it opened with Paresh Rawal; on the other hand, the musical interludes all seemed very forced. It would've been better to just confine the music to the closing titles — I don't really mind watching Mr Khiladi lip-sync once the movie has ended.

Anyway, I need to read more. I've been reading chapters from Chris Hudson's Beyond the Singapore Girl for the discussion session and it makes me so angry that such a man exists, that such men exist. Racist, sexist, misogynist eugenicists — these people just win the genetic toilet, I guess.

I'mma borrow this book from work tomorrow.

A Week Of Beginnings

Two things began this week — my beginner Hindi classes and my QUILTBAG reading and discussion group. Quite a coincidence that both keep me very close to my favorite place here, outside of my home and the Studio.

I found the first Hindi class a little boring and weird. A little boring because I learned nothing really new — or, nothing I didn't see in my copy of Snell's Teach Yourself Hindi. It's also a little weird because I can never understand how people learn a new language without first learning about the grammar and syntax of the language; I mean, I'm not a fucking parrot.

It's a good thing I already know a bit of Hindi syntax and grammar (and am practicing my reading of the Devanagari script now — thank you people who tweet using the Devanagari script). Vocabulary I'm not very fussed about because it's really easy to pick up words from all the movies I watch, the songs to which I listen, and the lyrics (and their English translations) I read.

I adore languages and find them fascinating. I don't see myself as a casual learner so repeating set phrases in class isn't exactly how I'd envision a language-learning class would run.

The QUILTBAG reading and discussion group was much better. Listening to everybody's thoughts on sex, gender, and sexuality was wonderful because I remembered the many years I'd pondered over these issues and how I finally just gave up, sick and weary of going around in circles, like the dog chasing its own tail.

I also sorta 'realized' my desperate rejection of certain markers of femininity and what I thought of as "'stereotypical' girly stuff" wasn't entirely inexplicable. Sergio once told me (prolly apropos of nothing, as was his wont) it was okay for me to like 'girly' things like accessories and make-up (etc.) — because those things would not made me ditzy or stupid.

On hindsight, perhaps he was hinting for me to do better on the look-more-like-other-PAs front. Or maybe he was trying to give me the permission to do and like the things he thought I didn't allow myself to do/like. Well, in any case, he was only half right.

Right now, I feel somewhat unsettled and very wrung out. It's prolly just the full moon and my impending period (UGH), and nothing to do with the session.

Can't believe I'm actually playing my hitherto unopened copy of Barfi as a source of comfort now but I guess it makes sense. 'Barfi' has been my go-to happy song (and weekday alarm ringtone) for awhile now.

Also: I guess I need some poetry tonight. Carol Ann Duffy, maybe. Or 'Prufrock'. Or The Four Quartets.

Because I am merely human, and "human kind / Cannot bear very much reality".

Give Me A G and an A - Y?!

... are there no or so few openly LGBTQ (or QUILTBAG) A-list actors in the Indian film industry — specifically that which has been called "Bollywood"?

Bollywood has got to be one of the most fucking heteronormative things on this earth. Sometimes, when I spend too much time immersing myself in masala flicks, I worry I'll start tilting towards Kinsey 0 or 1. Heaven forbid!

Then recently I watched a Koffee with Karan clip on YouTube and realized, heyyyy ... here's an actor who's pinging my almost defunct gaydar. That relatively new actor in question (no, of course not that big ol' queen) somehow just caused my brain to whisper, maybe he's ...? Of course, earlier this week, I then read somewhere that he has had girlfriends and has one now. So I guess my gaydar has completely gone off. Sigh.

Ah, Bollywood, come out of the closet why don't you? I'll give you a cupcake each!

Ishqiya + Dedh Ishqiya = Fuck Yeah!

I finally watched Ishqiya AND Dedh Ishqiya — FUCKING AWESOME AFTERNOON!

I think Dedh Ishqiya is funnier than first; it also has Vijay Raaz and his beautiful hair in it. No, seriously, his hair is almost as beautiful as Huma Qureshi. Almost. Also, Dedh Ishqiya has LESBIANS.

Wait.

No.

No, it has my crush, Huma Qureshi, playing one half of an utterly gorgeous lesbian couple!!!

The more fitting #ohdekho #dekho #dekho

And not in that stupid exploitative way like Girlfriend.

What I don't like in both films is the violence against women. I can't stand seeing violence against animals, women, and children, not even fake violence; I want to kill the assholes dead who hurt them.

I also don't get why Khalujaan and Babban still seem to think they have a chance with Para and Muniya towards the end of the movie (bail scene), despite seeing Para and Muniya get it on (while the men were tied up), despite Khalujaan having seemingly conceded the lesbian relationship that the two women have (see: the lihaaf reference). Is it just to reinforce how much those two male characters are complete fools for love and eternal optimists?

Anyway, I love big ol' lesbian happy endings! (This Rediff article is a good read and also elucidates Dedh Ishqiya's significance in modern Indian film history.)

I feel quite sorry for the Jaan Mohammad character — I believe it's more his obsessive love for Begum Para than his desperate coveting of the Nawab title that fueled his determination to marry her — but only because of Vijay Raaz's beautiful hair (which also looked very pretty in Delhi Belly). I wish my hair could be wavy/curly that way, instead of looking like a windswept mess all the time, wind notwithstanding.