A Week Of Beginnings

Two things began this week — my beginner Hindi classes and my QUILTBAG reading and discussion group. Quite a coincidence that both keep me very close to my favorite place here, outside of my home and the Studio.

I found the first Hindi class a little boring and weird. A little boring because I learned nothing really new — or, nothing I didn't see in my copy of Snell's Teach Yourself Hindi. It's also a little weird because I can never understand how people learn a new language without first learning about the grammar and syntax of the language; I mean, I'm not a fucking parrot.

It's a good thing I already know a bit of Hindi syntax and grammar (and am practicing my reading of the Devanagari script now — thank you people who tweet using the Devanagari script). Vocabulary I'm not very fussed about because it's really easy to pick up words from all the movies I watch, the songs to which I listen, and the lyrics (and their English translations) I read.

I adore languages and find them fascinating. I don't see myself as a casual learner so repeating set phrases in class isn't exactly how I'd envision a language-learning class would run.

The QUILTBAG reading and discussion group was much better. Listening to everybody's thoughts on sex, gender, and sexuality was wonderful because I remembered the many years I'd pondered over these issues and how I finally just gave up, sick and weary of going around in circles, like the dog chasing its own tail.

I also sorta 'realized' my desperate rejection of certain markers of femininity and what I thought of as "'stereotypical' girly stuff" wasn't entirely inexplicable. Sergio once told me (prolly apropos of nothing, as was his wont) it was okay for me to like 'girly' things like accessories and make-up (etc.) — because those things would not made me ditzy or stupid.

On hindsight, perhaps he was hinting for me to do better on the look-more-like-other-PAs front. Or maybe he was trying to give me the permission to do and like the things he thought I didn't allow myself to do/like. Well, in any case, he was only half right.

Right now, I feel somewhat unsettled and very wrung out. It's prolly just the full moon and my impending period (UGH), and nothing to do with the session.

Can't believe I'm actually playing my hitherto unopened copy of Barfi as a source of comfort now but I guess it makes sense. 'Barfi' has been my go-to happy song (and weekday alarm ringtone) for awhile now.

Also: I guess I need some poetry tonight. Carol Ann Duffy, maybe. Or 'Prufrock'. Or The Four Quartets.

Because I am merely human, and "human kind / Cannot bear very much reality".