Mini Collage (aka Didn't Know What To Do With Myself Today)

Collage as in I pasted vectors and patterns I found elsewhere into an artboard in Illustrator. All while listening to what I think of as a struggling-to-hold-on-hold-tight playlist.

Playlist:

• Dor – Yeh Honsla
• 3 Idiots – Jaane Nahin Denge Tujhe
• Hasee Toh Phasee – Manchala (this is my Hindi emotional counterpart to Sia's 'Chandelier')

Credit where credit is due:

• Feather vectors: Freepik.com
• Teardrop pattern: Creative Market
• Typeface: Notulen
• Dragonfly vector: Insects (Dover Publications, Dover Pictura Electronic Clip Art series)

(Scribble: mine.)

I think the word 'hope' is too off-center for my liking, but then hope always is ... Originally intended to make it into a cutting template but no way am I gonna be cutting that many curves.

Motivation

Well, it's been ... awhile. A long while, to be sure. I left my job, had lovely gifts and a send-off from my colleagues, and have been bumming ever since and it got a little dark ... too dark for me to handle.

But I think the dark clouds have passed — at least for now. I've been riding this wave of can-do spirit this week and I hope it doesn't peter out too soon.

The last time I'd been despondent (though maybe not as desperately as the past few weeks) was when my thyroid condition left me incapable of doing the activities I love and I just gave up.

Then, one night, I happened to catch just this bit of Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted on telly/cable:

Katy Perry's empowering lyrics, the visuals — but especially Alex and Gia, and Marty and Stefano, flying through hoops, etc. — suddenly motivated me to stop moping, get off my ass, and start working to get back to where I was. (It was a long process: I started aerial yoga without even being able to do the easiest things; it was just really horrible. I'm stronger now, controlling the thyroid condition with meds, training under a great aerial yoga instructor, and thinking of getting back into aerial arts, starting with the hammock and/or lyra.)

The other things in my life ... well, I hope what I've been doing this week is the first step to getting back on track. I just need to find more aural and/or video motivation.

Addendum: I can't believe I forgot to add that meeting with Ola on Sunday, soaking up her optimism and listening to her fresh (and positive) perspectives, was prolly the gust that blew the dark clouds away.

Multiply (In A Minor Key)

My guess: The almost-full moon, my period, and physically, emotionally, and psychically stressed and exhausted. So it's a 'Multiply' kinda day — that one with a soundtrack composed of 'Addict', 'Hurt', 'Multiply (In A Minor Key)' and X-Japan ballads.

Of course I did what I always do — shut down, went offline, and did a bit of therapeutic cutting.

It's the simple roll box which I got from Paul Jackson's Folding Techniques for Designers: From Sheet to Form to which I added random patterns I cut into the long-side panels. It looks okay, but I think the patterns should be planned next time so the two sides that each has two layers would look nicer.

I think for Hazel's gift I might do a shadow box/frame with different folds on which patterns are cut. White on white on white maybe.

As I was folding and unfolding, cutting, and refolding, I watched (casually, meaning with an ear open but without really watching the screen) Bobby Jasoos. I do like this movie but it's mainly because of Vidya; Ali Faizal did fuck-all and didn't look very compatible to Vidya. The story was interesting enough but the denouement was a bit of a letdown.

I also finished Bol Bachchan — oh lord why had I even started on this in the first place?! It's Rohit Shetty, ffs. Argh, why don't I ever learn???

It's ridiculous to feel so bloody fragile and sensitive that every little thing seems to matter and bruise the soul so much.

So tired, so tired, so tired, so tired ...

FIVE

Quite a productive week, movie-wise, and having done this while having read everything I needed to read for the QUILTBAG discussion session yesterday — hell yeah, productive.

What I watched this week:

• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  
• Les Aventures extraordinaires d'Adèle Blanc-Sec
  Wow, this is actually really lovely! Also, Mme Blanc-Sec is not just smart and witty and brave, she's really gorgeous! <3 I hope there will be sequels to this, like maybe how Adèle manages to save herself from the Titanic before embarking on further adventures in South America or elsewhere in Europe.
  
  Failing live action sequels, I'm down with animations, or even just English translations of the comic series.

• Ne Le Dis À Personne
  I wish more thrillers were like this — taut and tense right until the denouement. My only grouse is that Cluzet looks too much older than Croze for them to have been childhood friends.
  
  Okay, also the Bruno character is very conveniently helpful. Maybe a little too convenient and helpful. The woman assassin perpetually in a crop top/sports bra is super creep. I actually breathed a little easier after Bruno shot her dead (although for a long moment I thought she was never going to die — even her expressionless walking away from being shot twice in the back was creepy).
  
  Kristin Scott Thomas as one half of a gorgeous lesbian couple — WIN. The same-sex couple thing is very matter-of-fact and not made into a big deal (in 2006!). This is also one way I wish more movies would be like Ne Le Dis À Personne too.

• The Matrix
  So I finally watched this (I've been putting it off for way too long) and I find it interesting though nowhere as thought-provoking as Waking Life. I guess I waited too long because the movie seems to be showing its age too. Also, there seems to be ... I dunno, not loop-holes in the plot, just ... things I didn't get. Like, why did it take so long for everybody to find Neo? Is the Matrix not all-knowing?
  
  Also, if you're aware that 'life' in the Matrix isn't 'reality', why would you not want to learn to bend and break physical laws above everything else? I mean, "there is no spoon" should've been the rebels' motto from the start and rebel leaders should be drumming that into all rebels' heads. Mind over matter, as it were.
  
  I'm ignoring the quibbles in my head (that nagged away as I was watching the movie) because HELLO CARRIE ANNE MOSS IN LATEX. Lord, Trinity is awesome (less awesome when she falls in love with Neo — COME ON. Girl, Switch is much hotter than Neo is!!). I'm dying to finish the Matrix trilogy now and I hope Trinity develops even more awesome control and mind-power. (Not reading Wiki for spoilers!)
  
  There is one thing that Agent Smith said that I agree with though: that we are Earth's cancer.
  
  Talking about Agent Smith — it's prolly just me, but the first time I see an actor in a movie, I tend to fixed the character they play on all the future characters they essay. In Hugo Weaving's case, the first time I saw him was in The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (the second movie I saw him in was Bedrooms and Hallways).
  
  So.
  
  Yes, I think of and see Mitzi (and Jeremy) every time he comes on screen. Wouldn't it be fabulous if Agent Smith were a less dour?

• Shor in the City
  I only watched this because of how much I like Go Goa Gone and it's not too bad, just a little uneven. True, I'd like to think karma is a bitch — and it's Ms Bitch to you — but not every character got bitch slapped by karma.
  
  Also, towards the end, I thought I finally saw Tusshar Kapoor play a character with whom I sympathize (when Tilak appeared to have died), but no ... Tilak lived. And for the better.
  
  I think the soundtrack for Shor in the City is pretty good too.

The soundtrack for Detective Byomkesh Bakshy was released sometime last week (I think?) and IT. IS. FUCKING. AWESOME. I liked 'Calcutta Kiss' when it first released on YouTube but OMG 'Chase in Chinatown' blew my socks off.

I'm so looking forward to that movie. The trailers released so far made me think of Guy Ritchie's Sherlock but I hope I'm wrong. SO EXCITE.

Listen to Detective-Byomkesh-Bakshy-2015 on Saavn

Burning Bridges Revisited

So, this afternoon during my appraisal meeting with my manager, I said I haven't been on a proper vacation (which, in my books, means at least five to 10 consecutive days off) since 2013.

My manager said I should take my break before I burned out. I could only think: lady, that fucking horse was so long out of the bloody barn, both horse and barn are now fossil fuel.

So, the question about to burn or not to burn bridges is now pointless. I'm nothing if not self-destructive, and all that time I'd spent thinking about whether or not to burn bridges, I've managed to set myself aflame.

Whilst on the bridge.

Guess we're both burning now.

Disco inferno, I suppose.

I Hate Anxiety

So even though I read both 'Burnt Norton', part of 'East Coker', and 'The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock' before turning in, it was a night of restlessness.

I felt like I kept waking up and falling back into the same dream. Not so much a dream but less terrifying than a nightmare, but still completely anxiety-inducing.

There weren't any marker I can remember that pointed to the dream location as Welly but I was certain I was in Welly ... because dream logic.

In the dream, there were infected people who behaved like zombies but I know they weren't out to eat my face and brains. For example, one infected person kept reaching towards me, but all it wanted was to touch noses with me so it can transfer the red dot on its nose to me. But because my dream logic told me that when I got touched by an infected person the infection would pass to me, I was anxious to not be touched.

Basically, until I hear my weekend alarm ('Mr E's Beautiful Blues'), that was my dream. It was very tiring. Anxiety is tiring. Sigh.

Anyway, here's the one thing that saved me from my dream:

Just gotta keep telling myself, "Goddamn right it's a beautiful day."

Wow

With all those outlandish costumes, it's almost too much distraction from that lovely set of pipes. In a simple dress and a powerful set of pipes, Lady Gaga totally rocks!

Type-e-Ishq

I found a couple of unfavorable reviews for Daawat-e-Ishq and both said something about how the romance between Gullu and Taru is unrealistic because it took place over three days. I suppose they could be right; I mean, it is wholly believable that that two people could fall in love in three days, but perhaps not as realistic that they decide to marry within/after a week of meeting. Then again, stranger things have happened.

For viewers like me, because I found the two leads so lovable, it easy to accept Gullu's and Taru's relationship (and subsequent marriage). Of course, I'd have loved to have the courtship/getting-to-know-you bit stretch a little longer. In fact, I wish the script had sacrificed the Amju-Gullu thing in favor of Taru-Gullu. Like, I didn't need to know Amju and Gullu had been crushing on each other for a month, how they appear to be diametrically different people (veggie vs non-veg). I would prefer to have more Taru-Gullu conversations.

Anyway, I still like Daawat and 'Mannat' has become my earworm du jour. (It's the somewhat incantatory nature of the chorus, I think, that I like so much.)

What's not to love about the movie, really? Besides really adorable leads, Lucknow tourism and food porn, and music, there's a whole lotta kohl. Dude wore guy-liner the whole time — even when Pari's character wasn't wearing any! Eye-liner/kohl is totally my favorite thing to see on both genders.

One other thing I love about Daawat: the title typeface. God, I've always been a sucker for ball (and teardrop) terminals and there are some fucking gorgeous beauties in the titles:

It looks similar to Elephant but with customized swashes. (I actually don't think this typeface was customized for Daawat; I seem to recall seeing a typeface like this before).

WHAT IS THIS TYPEFACE — I HAVE TO KNOW!

Final Weekend Until ... Hell (Part 1)

I went to get a haircut today and just couldn't resist heading to Little India again for DVDs. Delhi Belly is the only thing on my list. If it's not available, I'll just keep going back every week until March ... whereupon I'll go back to that dodgy shop that sold me Wake Up Sid and Tanu Weds Manu. Desperate times, desperate measures. So, no, Delhi Belly wasn't anywhere on the shelves today, but I bought Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana and Badmaa$h Company — couldn't resist!

Watched Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na on New Year's Day. I quite like it, even if that story has been told since the beginning of time, and despite the Khan brothers on horseback (WTF). Omg, does Genelia D'Souza in Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na not look a whole lot like Sonali Kulkarni in Dil Chahta Hai?!

Also watched Salaam-e-Ishq on New Year's Day which was A FUCKING WASTE OF MY BLOODY TIME. Who the fuck dreamed up that shit?! The only story I liked was the Vidya Balan-John Abraham one which seemed to have been shoehorned into the film. Also, that Govinda-gori memsahib story had been done so much better in Hari Om. Hari Om I actually adored: it had all them feels, man. And Vijay Raaz as eponymous Hari Om was charming and endearing; Govinda's Raju was neither.

Anyway, I've been rewatching Delhi Belly on a daily basis now. It's the original (English) version so I understand most of it; the Hindi bits I figure out by putting together the words I do understand and the context. The more I rewatch it, the more I understand. But, the more I rewatch it, the more my suspicion that Imran Khan might just be the weakest actor of the whole cast deepens. (I think his cursing was quite unconvincing. Are there actually people on earth who DON'T swear daily?! The dude who cursed most fluently was Nitin of "when a donkey fucks a rickshaw na, this is what you get"!)

I also realized last night who the Jain landlord (Paresh Ganatra) reminded me of: Vinny from My Cousin Vinny (Joe Pesci)!

My newest earworms!

Chand Ka Tukda

The first time I saw Sonakshi Sinha's face (prolly a still from Lootera I reckon — can't really recall), she reminded me of Madhubala in Mughal-e-Azam at the moment Anarkali lifted her veil:

I know they don't look alike (do they?) and I don't quite know why Sonakshi's face reminded me of Madhubala, but it was the first time I felt I understood what it meant to describe a woman's face as a piece of moon (ugh, how clunky it sounds in English). There's nothing more luminous, more breathtaking, more exquisite.

Look at her! Just look. Her face is one that poets compose poetry and lyrics in praise of!

I think she'll look completely at home in a period drama involving courtesans (I haven't seen any of her films though so I really hope she can act at least half as well as she is beautiful) — maybe another remake of Umrao Jaan? (They've ruined it enough by casting the beauty queen in the 2006 remake anyway.) BUT LEAVE PAKEEZAH THE FUCK ALONE. There is only one Pakeezah, only one Meena Kumari.

Speaking of Meena Kumari, look at the beaut of a compilation showing up on my YouTube feed — it's fucking gorgeous and the perfect way to end the work week!

No 2 States About It

It's become less often these days that songs from a movie I watched infiltrated my mind as earworms, so the fact that 2 States with its 'Mast Magan' managed to do that surprised me. 'Mast Magan' is the new song on repeat!

Also, I think I really liked it. The story was interesting, the actors are mostly awesome (I thought Alia Bhatt looked 15, but who can hold her baby face against her?), and the songs are mostly decent. I found the second half of the film a bit draggy, but it's a happy ending! It's gonna to be one of those shows I will keep rewatching (as soon as I get my hands on a DVD copy) — minus the break-up and post-break-up moping. Also, wow, Ronit Roy is fucking gorgeous!

2 States was what I kept thinking when I was watching Shuddh Desi Romance (of which ending I liked more than the entire flick). With the exception of Rishi Kapoor's character pushing the marriage agenda, who else is pressuring the lead characters to marry? Why on earth would Sushant Singh Rajput's (SSR) character feel compelled to propose? I DON'T GET IT.

The ending I get though. Straight people and marriage ... Eh, whatevs. I find the thought of straight (strait, ha!) marriage pointless, save for economic, financial, and legal reasons. So, you don't wanna marry? Then don't. Why agree to marriage only to run away from your own wedding? All I can think about was: OH NOES ALL THAT WASTED FOOD/RESOURCES PUT INTO SETTING UP THE WEDDING, etc.

Also, comparing the characters Arjun Kapoor and SSR each essayed, I must prefer the former. The latter looked (to me) for most of the movie confused and indecisive. OF COURSE PARI'S GONNA DUMP YOUR SORRY ASS, YOU RECREANT. So Arjun Kapoor's character gets props for his perseverance in the face of all those obstacles, especially mom.

Vaani Kapoor is gorgeous! And can act! I hope she does more Hindi movies soon!!

So: new earworm replacing 'Barfi':

Crimson & Clover

One of my favoritest songs ever. I love both the original by Tommy James & The Shondells and Joan Jett & The Blackhearts' cover (which reminds me of the opening of one of The L Word episodes even though iirc the music used was the original and not the cover). I also have a cover by Tommy Roe and used to play all three versions over and over on loop.

Joan Jett ... So. Hawt.

'Crimson and clover' is also why I fell in love with Jarvis Cocker's 'Black Magic' on the very first listen.

There's just something addictive about this particular riff/chord pattern ... In the words of Duke Orsino in Twelfth Night:

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die. (I.i.1-3)

Hello Cruel World

Yay! I didn't nod off or waste too much time watching the telly this afternoon so I got something so show for my time! E's (Mark Oliver Everett) lyrics again. I initially thought of doing only "Hello cruel world" but decided to continue the stanza a little further. Not a good choice (also, it led to the food stain — the perils of writing on the kitchen table). Much prefer just the first three words.

Some Practice

Bought a ZIG Calligraphy II pen and I'm liking the 2mm tip. I skipped Stretch/Core and Aerial Gym to practise my handwriting ... wonder if it's even worth it. Sigh ...

Anyway, eels' lyrics today: 'A Daisy Through Concrete' and 'Somebody Loves You'. The other one — "Write now, right now" — just occurred to me.

If I'm not too lazy tomorrow, I'll want to be able to write something for a cutting.