My manager said I should take my break before I burned out. I could only think: lady, that fucking horse was so long out of the bloody barn, both horse and barn are now fossil fuel.
So, the question about to burn or not to burn bridges is now pointless. I'm nothing if not self-destructive, and all that time I'd spent thinking about whether or not to burn bridges, I've managed to set myself aflame.
Whilst on the bridge.
Guess we're both burning now.
Disco inferno, I suppose.
I have to start reading more (and the reading group articles don't count) — maybe I'll start by finishing the Cabal series. LOL, werebadgers, indeed!
So I decided the theme for today's flicks: zombies. Or, more specifically: ZOM COM!
I've never liked zombie flicks; movies like 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead give me the willies. I'm a coward and can't stand to watch horror movies. But zom com? That's a whole 'nother thing!
First movie this morning was rewatching Zombieland. Can't remember why I bought this in the first place but it took a couple of years from my purchase of the DVD to my watching it. The first time I watched it was last Thursday — and I like it very much! Lord, I would love to see Bill FUCKING Murray play a real zombie.
Second movie was Go Goa Gone (GGG) (which I'd bought on Saturday, together with Taxi and Fido). I was a little trepidatious about buying "India's first zom com" (the trailer I saw of SAK's terrible Russian accent didn't help either) but since I read that people who like Delhi Belly will like GGG, I picked it up.
MAN was I glad I did! What I wouldn't give to have Hardik meet Nitin — I'm pretty sure these two slackers will get on awesomely and they'll make a fine ass movie I'd watch the hell out of. (Also, Luv is basically Arup, but less mousy and with more hair.)
Imagine: two dudes with shaggy but beautiful curls (hairband optional) spending time on the couch, drinking, belching, farting, smoking (I can see Nitin as a Dude-ish pothead), eating, slacking, arguing about movies, and who should get up to get the door, fetch the remote control, etc. Yeah, I'd watch that.
I didn't really like the bit of moralizing at the end of GGG but it wasn't too terrible. Sure, don't do hard drugs but surely a bit of weed now and then isn't going to be the end of the world, right? Also, wasn't coke used to stop the zombies? Mixed messages, people ...
Anyway, the soundtrack's good too. 'Khoon Choosle Monday' is now my theme song for every Monday I have to be at work.
Rewatching Shaun of the Dead now, trying to figure out whether or not GGG borrowed anything else from Shaun, apart from the let's-pretend-we're-zombies-to-blend-in thing. (To be fair to GGG though, the character who suggested that also did say he got that from a movie.)
After Shaun, I think I'll rewatch either Fido or GGG.
Ah yes. Watching movies in my underwear and drinking cold coffee. This is my kinda Monday.
GIRLY MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
(That GGG opened with this old favorite already makes it winner!)
I felt like I kept waking up and falling back into the same dream. Not so much a dream but less terrifying than a nightmare, but still completely anxiety-inducing.
There weren't any marker I can remember that pointed to the dream location as Welly but I was certain I was in Welly ... because dream logic.
In the dream, there were infected people who behaved like zombies but I know they weren't out to eat my face and brains. For example, one infected person kept reaching towards me, but all it wanted was to touch noses with me so it can transfer the red dot on its nose to me. But because my dream logic told me that when I got touched by an infected person the infection would pass to me, I was anxious to not be touched.
Basically, until I hear my weekend alarm ('Mr E's Beautiful Blues'), that was my dream. It was very tiring. Anxiety is tiring. Sigh.
Anyway, here's the one thing that saved me from my dream:
Just gotta keep telling myself, "Goddamn right it's a beautiful day."
I found the first Hindi class a little boring and weird. A little boring because I learned nothing really new — or, nothing I didn't see in my copy of Snell's Teach Yourself Hindi. It's also a little weird because I can never understand how people learn a new language without first learning about the grammar and syntax of the language; I mean, I'm not a fucking parrot.
It's a good thing I already know a bit of Hindi syntax and grammar (and am practicing my reading of the Devanagari script now — thank you people who tweet using the Devanagari script). Vocabulary I'm not very fussed about because it's really easy to pick up words from all the movies I watch, the songs to which I listen, and the lyrics (and their English translations) I read.
I adore languages and find them fascinating. I don't see myself as a casual learner so repeating set phrases in class isn't exactly how I'd envision a language-learning class would run.
The QUILTBAG reading and discussion group was much better. Listening to everybody's thoughts on sex, gender, and sexuality was wonderful because I remembered the many years I'd pondered over these issues and how I finally just gave up, sick and weary of going around in circles, like the dog chasing its own tail.
I also sorta 'realized' my desperate rejection of certain markers of femininity and what I thought of as "'stereotypical' girly stuff" wasn't entirely inexplicable. Sergio once told me (prolly apropos of nothing, as was his wont) it was okay for me to like 'girly' things like accessories and make-up (etc.) — because those things would not made me ditzy or stupid.
On hindsight, perhaps he was hinting for me to do better on the look-more-like-other-PAs front. Or maybe he was trying to give me the permission to do and like the things he thought I didn't allow myself to do/like. Well, in any case, he was only half right.
Right now, I feel somewhat unsettled and very wrung out. It's prolly just the full moon and my impending period (UGH), and nothing to do with the session.
Can't believe I'm actually playing my hitherto unopened copy of Barfi as a source of comfort now but I guess it makes sense. 'Barfi' has been my go-to happy song (and weekday alarm ringtone) for awhile now.
Also: I guess I need some poetry tonight. Carol Ann Duffy, maybe. Or 'Prufrock'. Or The Four Quartets.
Because I am merely human, and "human kind / Cannot bear very much reality".
Phas Gaye was smart and funny! I might've watched bits of it before as I got a sense of déjà vu during certain scenes.
My senior librarian also lent me Fido which I watched on Saturday. It's the sweetest and most non-scary movie with zombies. And Billy Connolly as the titular Fido, a zombie! NICE!
Om is shameless and cheap. Actually, mostly just the 'Deewangi Deewangi' bit. I get — perhaps irrationally — fucking pissed off whenever old films are referenced, especially old films that aren't particularly good. Gawd, you drag all those 90s actors out, make them do a bit of a jig —like a trained monkey — all of five fucking seconds of screen time then they're nowhere to be seen.
No, I did get that the song was a post-awards function (aka The Great Circle Jerk) party/celebration thing. I still find that shameless and cheap. Way to draw attention to your not-too-great film.
The time I momentarily forgot that ostentatious gaudiness of stars from a bygone era in Indian cinema (although, to be fair, people like Dharmendra and Mithun Chakraborty are still in films, and Shabana Azmi is and will never be bygone) was when I saw Urmi! And Tabu! Urmi and Tabu in the same screen! Yay! Two of my favorite actors!
I don't know why I seem to have gone off SRK. That's sad ... because he's an actor I now assume will ruin a good film by just appearing in it (like Billu, which I'd put off watching for just that very reason).
Mental note to avoid all SRK, Farah Khan, Sajid Khan, and SRK+Farah Khan movies in the future.
Also, I'mma call Deepika Padukone 'Dimples' from now on. Lord, what adorable ones she has!
