Read (& Flicks) of the Month: December

With all that DVD-watching, it's a wonder at all I can finish reading one book. And that, of course, is even Bollywood-related.

Reads of the month:

• Bollywood: A Guidebook to Popular Hindi Cinema by Tejaswini Ganti. I've also started on 100 Bollywood Films by Rachel Dwyer, and I plan to read it quite thoroughly. (On a side note: OMG I WANT TO BE RACHEL DWYER. I WANT TO WATCH HINDI FILMS AND RESEARCH AND WRITE ABOUT THEM FOR MY JOB!!!) I also started on The Brothers Cabal which I like and must try to finish somehow. In between all those DVDs and streaming flicks.
• Pyongyang: A Journey in North Korea by Guy Delisle
• Shenzhen: A Travelogue from China by Guy Delisle

Flicks of the month:

• The Ghost Writer — I swear I didn't know it was a Polanski flick; wouldn't have even touched it otherwise.
• Maleficent — couldn't finish watching ... -_-
• (500) Days of Summer
• My Name is Khan
• Taare Zameen Par
• Vicky Donor (a rewatch)
• and the DVDs I'd bought ...

A Fucking Filthy NYE 2014

So, it's NYE and what do I do? Left the office for Little India for MORE DVDS!

I was hoping to get Delhi Belly, Krazzy 4, and Luv Shuv Tey Chicken Khurana; I bought instead Dedh Ishqiya, Salaam-e-Ishq, and Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na ... which made me realize all those trips with lists of DVDs in hand and unable to find a single damn title? Why not just go with the flow? Select titles from the DVDs on the shelf, not trekking to and fro for a single title only to finally settle for a copy of dubious origins. Note to self: Go with the flow, girl, go with the fucking flow.

In any case, the Universe hath provided. I'm streaming Delhi Belly (thank you anonymous uploader!) and it's FUCKING HILARIOUS!

Like, I'd loved Kevin Smith's older flicks (from Clerks to Dogma; and later, Clerks II and Zack and Miri Make a Porno), and Delhi Belly seems to be something Smith would write, had he written Hindi flicks. (Of course, Smith's Delhi Belly would have waaaaay more fuck/fucker/fuckings, chut/chutiyas, bhenchods, and really, really inspired cussing.) The Nitin character (played wickedly well by Kunaal Roy Kapur) reminds me of Brodie. Holy shit, I think if I'd been just a little less disciplined, that would've been my student flat — I might've been Nitin in a different life ... =|

To me, Delhi Belly is prolly the best comic flick to have come out of "Bollywood". It's smart, it's dirty, and there's isn't a character I don't adore! From Vir Das to Vijay Raaz, they were all kickass (but hands-down favorite is Kunaal Roy Kapur)! I'm so glad this is my first Imran Khan flick and that he played his role wonderfully. And Shenaz Treasurywala and Poorna Jagannathan — why have I not seen them in movies more often? And in BIGGER roles?

LAWD, I haven't laughed so hard, so much, and so insanely since ... who knows when! Can't wait to get my hands on a proper original copy of this!!

Please please please please please produce more such movies, Abhinay Deo/Hindi film industry/Aamir Khan Productions!!!

May 2015 be as hilarious, filthy, and straight-up WICKED FUCKING AWESOME! (Also, I hope to finally catch up on the last decade or so that I'd missed of Hindi movies.)

Chand Ka Tukda

The first time I saw Sonakshi Sinha's face (prolly a still from Lootera I reckon — can't really recall), she reminded me of Madhubala in Mughal-e-Azam at the moment Anarkali lifted her veil:

I know they don't look alike (do they?) and I don't quite know why Sonakshi's face reminded me of Madhubala, but it was the first time I felt I understood what it meant to describe a woman's face as a piece of moon (ugh, how clunky it sounds in English). There's nothing more luminous, more breathtaking, more exquisite.

Look at her! Just look. Her face is one that poets compose poetry and lyrics in praise of!

I think she'll look completely at home in a period drama involving courtesans (I haven't seen any of her films though so I really hope she can act at least half as well as she is beautiful) — maybe another remake of Umrao Jaan? (They've ruined it enough by casting the beauty queen in the 2006 remake anyway.) BUT LEAVE PAKEEZAH THE FUCK ALONE. There is only one Pakeezah, only one Meena Kumari.

Speaking of Meena Kumari, look at the beaut of a compilation showing up on my YouTube feed — it's fucking gorgeous and the perfect way to end the work week!

No 2 States About It

It's become less often these days that songs from a movie I watched infiltrated my mind as earworms, so the fact that 2 States with its 'Mast Magan' managed to do that surprised me. 'Mast Magan' is the new song on repeat!

Also, I think I really liked it. The story was interesting, the actors are mostly awesome (I thought Alia Bhatt looked 15, but who can hold her baby face against her?), and the songs are mostly decent. I found the second half of the film a bit draggy, but it's a happy ending! It's gonna to be one of those shows I will keep rewatching (as soon as I get my hands on a DVD copy) — minus the break-up and post-break-up moping. Also, wow, Ronit Roy is fucking gorgeous!

2 States was what I kept thinking when I was watching Shuddh Desi Romance (of which ending I liked more than the entire flick). With the exception of Rishi Kapoor's character pushing the marriage agenda, who else is pressuring the lead characters to marry? Why on earth would Sushant Singh Rajput's (SSR) character feel compelled to propose? I DON'T GET IT.

The ending I get though. Straight people and marriage ... Eh, whatevs. I find the thought of straight (strait, ha!) marriage pointless, save for economic, financial, and legal reasons. So, you don't wanna marry? Then don't. Why agree to marriage only to run away from your own wedding? All I can think about was: OH NOES ALL THAT WASTED FOOD/RESOURCES PUT INTO SETTING UP THE WEDDING, etc.

Also, comparing the characters Arjun Kapoor and SSR each essayed, I must prefer the former. The latter looked (to me) for most of the movie confused and indecisive. OF COURSE PARI'S GONNA DUMP YOUR SORRY ASS, YOU RECREANT. So Arjun Kapoor's character gets props for his perseverance in the face of all those obstacles, especially mom.

Vaani Kapoor is gorgeous! And can act! I hope she does more Hindi movies soon!!

So: new earworm replacing 'Barfi':

Soan Papdi & Movies

We got to go home at 1 pm so I went straight back to Little India! Found two of the titles I'd shortlisted specially for this outing (Parineeta and Shuddh Desi Romance) then had a wicked delish lunch of fish dum biryani at Anjappar before looking for the other two shortlisted titles.

In the end, I went into a little shop that sold CDs and DVDs as well as ... bangles. They apparently have the two titles I was searching for — Wake Up Sid and Tanu Weds Manu — but I've been suspicious that the Wake Up Sid DVD is a pirate. I don't trust little stores like these but they remembered me from last Saturday and the title I was searching for then (Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge) and told me they could order it for me, so just write down the title and your phone number. Now, on hindsight, I suspect they might just pirate it for me ... =( I DON'T WANT A PIRATED COPY DAMNIT.

Anyway, when I got home (with two pieces of soan papdi!) I figured I had seven titles to choose from (four plus three from last Saturday) but I chose instead to watch 2 States on YouTube. 2 States was very good! (And also I can cross Alia Bhatt and Arjun Kapoor off my list of 'newcomers' to watch, and with Shuddh Desi Romance I can strike off Sushant Singh Rajput.)

So today, my first movie will be RED 2 (thank you YT uploaders!) followed prolly by Aisha, OMG: Oh My God, Don 2, or Raat Gayi, Baat Gayi — really, THANK SO MUCH YT UPLOADERS!

Note to self: put Rajat Kapoor-written and/or -directed movies at top of MUST-WATCH list.

Met Geeta for dinner last Saturday, but before that, I went looking for more DVDs. In the end, I bought:

• Rocket Singh: Salesman of the Year — you know who I think will be awesome as HP (not that Ranbir Kapoor wasn't good in this)? Ayushmann Khurrana. Khurrana would've made a wicked awesome Harpreet Singh Bedi. Also, this is prolly a show I'll be watching over and over again.
• Band Baaja Baaraat — Ranveer Singh and Anushka Sharma looked sho shweet together. I wonder, though, whether she had to wear flats in the entire show because they didn't want her towering over Singh? I also worry that Anuskha Sharma might turn out to be a one-note actor (meaning she emotes in the exact same manner in every single movie, like SRK, like Amisha Patel, like so many other actors ...), but I'll decide after PK and Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi.
• Sunday — why did I buy such a show (and a Rohit Shetty one at that ...)? Cuz I'd thought Ajay Devgn and Arshad Warsi would be great together. But the best bit of this crap show was actually Irrfan Khan. Man, I hope he does more comic roles in the future!
• Fashion (not watched yet)
• Teri Meri Kahani (not watched yet, but I have no high hopes for this — I just wanted a light, brain-free romcom)
• Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (same — not watched, just wanted brain-free rom-com).

So, I still couldn't find Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge nor Wake Up Sid. SO FRUSTRATING.

Also watched The Ghost Writer (didn't realize it was Polanski film — I would NEVER have watched it otherwise — Hollywood and the Indian film industry should STOP being rape apologists) and tried to watch Maleficent. Tried. It's just not very engrossing ...

Day of Doctors

So, yesterday, I went to the doctor's so he could tell me all about my blood tests results and the ultrasound. As it turned out, "autoimmune thyroiditis" and "cyst". A tiny cyst — like 0.4 x 0.6 x 0.6 cm or something — but thyroid glands otherwise not overly swollen. The blood tests were worse — there were four tests for four antibodies/T4/T3 whatchamacallits were all from five to over 10 percent over or under the normal range. It's pills for me to control the things attacking the other things, then a review of the dosage in two months' time, and pills pills pill for another 22 months before a check up to see whether I'd gone into remission or not. Even if I did go into remission, chances of my relapsing is higher than my chances of remission. Joy.

Also, close to midnight, I had an accident with solid metal Ganesha. Ended up with a really large and ugly bump on my forehead. A&E at around 1 a.m. to make sure there was no concussion. Ganesha weighed at least 800 gm ...

Anyway. I've been listening to 'Barfi' every day, on repeat. It makes me sooooo happy and I forget shit. Better than drugs and alcohol!

Listen to Barfi from Barfi on Saavn

Holy Shit

A very rough couple of days with possibly more to come.

If you like violence so much, why don't you just kill the fuck outta each other?

Then again those walking assholes don't have two brain cells to rub together, do why am I expecting them to behave rationally?

I'm just so angry at what's happening in Peshawar. At least that idiot in Sydney provided a bit of laughter (at his stupidity and incompetence).

Going to bury my head in Bollywood movies to erase my own violent fantasies of going crazyinsane medieval on those goat-fucking kachra.

Last Week

Last week, I attended a Special Educational Needs (SEN) two-day workshop. On the first day of the workshop, I was notified that Taare Zameen Par was on hold for me — and just in time too! On the whole, I feel that the movie had way too many songs and I wished it focused more on Ishaan's therapy (the workshop didn't explain what sort of therapy was provided for dyslexic, dyscalculic, and dyspraxic children and adults). Ishaan seemed not just dyslexic but also had ADHD and was dyscalculic and dyspraxic.

Anyway, I also finally watched English Vinglish which I'd bought a couple of years ago and never got around to watching (my colleague said it was good and refused to tell me the ending). I liked it a lot and found it very similar to Queen — sheltered Indian woman goes overseas, meets foreign people, a white guy fall in love with her, and goes home to India a changed and somewhat liberated woman. Does this mean Indian women must leave the country to find themselves, realize their individual identity? Ironic then that people go to India to find themselves.

Other titles I watched this week:

My Name is Khan — however much I like SRK, I wish someone else played Khan. Maybe I've seen one too many SRK movies, but I found nothing new in his performance, in how he emotes.

(500) Days of Summer — before I watched it, I was convinced I would love this. I mean, Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt? I ADORE THEM BOTH (especially Jessica Day)!!! But the film was just ... underwhelming (I did like the soundtrack a lot though). I also wished Summer didn't get married but I'm really glad she didn't get back together with Hansen.

Need to buy MORE DVDs!! SOON!!!

Inaccessible

The best sort of crush is a crush on someone completely inaccessible to you. It's less painful because you know it's impossible to ever hook up with the one who, in having, will make long hours short (according to the Bard).

That's sooooo much better than pining over someone who passes by you in the corridors so closely you can smell her shampoo, or - worse - someone you hang out with all the time, making her laugh and dreaming of her laughter.

Moar crushes for me, plz!

Sleepwalking

Got a blood test and ultrasound done on Monday to figure out whether or not I have hyperthyroidism (reason #214 not to breed). Until the test results are out and my doc is back from his vacation to explain them to me, he's given me propanol which I keep forgetting to take twice a day. Spent my two days of sick leave on watching and rewatching my new and old Bollywood DVDs, yet somehow still haven't even opened my copy of Ishqiya which I'd bought a few years ago ... Anyway, I won't allow myself to buy Dedh Ishqiya until I've watched the first one.

Going to work is a such drag. I can't sleep at night and spend most — if not the entire — day so tired it feels like I'm sleepwalking or drunk from the lightheadedness (all side effects of propanol apparently). Ugh fuck me, FML.

Finally it's my turn to watch The Lunchbox (this title has such a long queue of requests at my workplace). I yelled, "I WANT A LESS AMBIGUOUS ENDING!", but have since decided the denouement is as good as it gets. The Lunchbox is really, really lovely.

Reads (& Flicks) of the Month: November

Sadly, I've only read one book this month — well, not read, maybe viewed: Celluloid.

But I have watched:

• Queen — will buy it soon!
• Chandni Chowk to China — ugh. The only reason I borrowed this was that it was one of the handful of Hindi titles my library carries and I plan to go through all of them (well, except the ones I already own)
• Barton Fink: interesting — and Adrian and Ambrose together!
• Brazil: it's both horrifying and sad. Now waiting for the day the world decides to go the way of Brazil ... I knew the last bit must've been a dream or Sam's imagination but I could help trying to believe he got to live happily ever after with Jill. Damn it Gillian, why couldn't you make the ending more ambiguous?
• Brave — finally ...
• Barfi! — one of the DVDs I bought yesterday!
• Peter Pan (1953) — I'd only ever seen the 1988 animation when I was a kid. Is it me, or did Disney make the relationship dynamics between Tinklebell and Peter, Tinkerbell and Wendy, and Peter and Wendy, a whole lot of weird? And what's with all that sexual jealousy that all the female inhabitants of Neverland have of Wendy? I honesty never saw that sexual jealousy as a child but now it's pretty much in my face.
• Agent Vinod — to reiterate: NO FUCKING NO NO NO NO NO. Just ... NO.
• The City of Lost Children (currently watching)

Rewarded myself for surviving this shit-hole of a month by buying six DVDs yesterday — three (Munna Bhai M.B.B.S., Lage Raho Munna Bhai, and Jhankaar Beats) to replace the VCD titles and three 'new' titles (Heyy Babyy — why, girl, why did you buy this?! — Barfi!, and Jolly LLB).

Also managed to catch Revolver Rani yesterday on TV. Oh Kangana and Vir Das look kinda cute together! Also, the people (not the actors) behind Agent Vinod should take a cue from Revolver Rani and fucking learn to come up with scene/contextually suitable songs and how to insert the song-and-dance scenes appropriate so the viewer (well, me) won't go WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS so bloody often.

=\

So I just finished Agent Vinod and ... Lawd what a fucking time waster.

When I saw the word "Interval", I was like, interval — only now?!

Whenever the music came, it never made any fucking sense. NO FUCKING SENSE WHATSOEVER.

The bomb with the Rubaiyat as a key of sort — NO.

Bebo's character could carry a fucking conversation with two bullet shots to her fucking liver — what the fucking fuck is that?

The fact is, I saw what must have been a promo pic from Humshakals — this one to be precise:

I thought Khan looked pretty cute in drag — though not as cute (pretty, even!) as Sharman Joshi in Golmaal — but OMG. It's weird because he doesn't look like he has a high body fat percentage, but his thighs look ... well, fat. And no definable quads to speak of (I had larger quads than him when I was still doing aerials) for someone who looks like he must lift or work out.

Bah. Anyway. Agent Vinod — NO FUCKING NO NO NO NO NO. Just ... NO.

Another Bollywood Weekend

Made myself watch Barfi! last night. I've read good reviews of it but avoided it because I know it'll upset my emotional balance.

Actually, I like it a lot so I'm gonna buy the DVD and never watch. it (Well ... maybe just the scenes of Barfi and Jhilmil interacting because those are adorably charming.)

My only complaints:

• the instrumental track (I love Delicatessen and Amelie, and however good Barfi! is, it's not as whimsical as Jeunet's works);
• even if it's a tribute to Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin, Basu should've directed Kapoor to try to be a little more original (wtf is fuck black-and-white life-size cutout of Chaplin doing in the flick? There's no need to bash that reference over your audience's collective heads);
• Shruti looks too young for Barfi (I'd initially thought D'Cruz must be at least a decade younger than Kapoor) which made it a little creepy for me at first;
• it's one of those films that show erroneously that if a guy is unrelenting in his pursuit of a girl, without regard for her lack of feelings for him, he'll eventually wear her down and she'll just give up.

Also caught Hasee Toh Phasee — OMG I <3 Parineeti Chopra!!! She is just utterly, utterly adorable. AND she can act. Jackpot!

Can't wait for next weekend when I'll finally reward myself with a shitload of new movies!