Motivation

Well, it's been ... awhile. A long while, to be sure. I left my job, had lovely gifts and a send-off from my colleagues, and have been bumming ever since and it got a little dark ... too dark for me to handle.

But I think the dark clouds have passed — at least for now. I've been riding this wave of can-do spirit this week and I hope it doesn't peter out too soon.

The last time I'd been despondent (though maybe not as desperately as the past few weeks) was when my thyroid condition left me incapable of doing the activities I love and I just gave up.

Then, one night, I happened to catch just this bit of Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted on telly/cable:

Katy Perry's empowering lyrics, the visuals — but especially Alex and Gia, and Marty and Stefano, flying through hoops, etc. — suddenly motivated me to stop moping, get off my ass, and start working to get back to where I was. (It was a long process: I started aerial yoga without even being able to do the easiest things; it was just really horrible. I'm stronger now, controlling the thyroid condition with meds, training under a great aerial yoga instructor, and thinking of getting back into aerial arts, starting with the hammock and/or lyra.)

The other things in my life ... well, I hope what I've been doing this week is the first step to getting back on track. I just need to find more aural and/or video motivation.

Addendum: I can't believe I forgot to add that meeting with Ola on Sunday, soaking up her optimism and listening to her fresh (and positive) perspectives, was prolly the gust that blew the dark clouds away.

Multiply (In A Minor Key)

My guess: The almost-full moon, my period, and physically, emotionally, and psychically stressed and exhausted. So it's a 'Multiply' kinda day — that one with a soundtrack composed of 'Addict', 'Hurt', 'Multiply (In A Minor Key)' and X-Japan ballads.

Of course I did what I always do — shut down, went offline, and did a bit of therapeutic cutting.

It's the simple roll box which I got from Paul Jackson's Folding Techniques for Designers: From Sheet to Form to which I added random patterns I cut into the long-side panels. It looks okay, but I think the patterns should be planned next time so the two sides that each has two layers would look nicer.

I think for Hazel's gift I might do a shadow box/frame with different folds on which patterns are cut. White on white on white maybe.

As I was folding and unfolding, cutting, and refolding, I watched (casually, meaning with an ear open but without really watching the screen) Bobby Jasoos. I do like this movie but it's mainly because of Vidya; Ali Faizal did fuck-all and didn't look very compatible to Vidya. The story was interesting enough but the denouement was a bit of a letdown.

I also finished Bol Bachchan — oh lord why had I even started on this in the first place?! It's Rohit Shetty, ffs. Argh, why don't I ever learn???

It's ridiculous to feel so bloody fragile and sensitive that every little thing seems to matter and bruise the soul so much.

So tired, so tired, so tired, so tired ...

May Day

So this holiday, the only Hindi the free-to-air channel showed was Highway. Oh my god, YES. I finally watched it.

It. Was. FANTASTIC. Alia was a revelation and Randeep Hooda did a great job.

I cried when Veera's dream shattered; I cried when she broke down. I've always wondered what other people would do when this happened — when you managed to touch or experience or even just catch a glimpse of something so beautiful it's soul-stirring and changes you and your world, then it's gone ... because it was only a dream from which you have awaken. Something forever beyond you.

I thought Veera would try to kill herself, which I'd thought would be kinda 'happy', but the actual ending was actually better and even optimistic.

Anyway. WILL BUY DVD SOON!

Off-In-Lieu

Left work at 14.00 to drop something off with a friend who's leaving for an overseas trip then went home in time to avoid being caught in the torrential and awfully scary thunder-storm.

Anyway, came home, ate, and finished watching Ankur Arora Murder Case — which was very sadly disappointing. And where do I start?

For one thing, the songs really detracts from the narrative tension. Also, the little detour with the public prosecutor and defense lawyer was totally unnecessary. I think it could've been a taut courtroom drama/thriller by itself; instead, the trial (as well as the twist/denouement which both could've been a little more fleshed out) was given short shrift in favor of an extramarital affair that led to an unwanted pregnancy which resulted in an abortion/miscarriage/accidental suicide.

I guess the disappointment arose from my expectation that this movie would be as good as Rahasya (which incidentally also featured Kay Kay Menon and Tisca Chopra in major roles).

Anyway, what's next — should I continue with the gritty-type movies or take a break with some fluffy romance? Or maybe something middle-of-the-road, like Filmistaan or Sankat City or Antardwand ...?

Goes Away In The End

It's just one of those days, I guess.

Maybe it started with the news of the Nepal quake, which I'd read about before I even got out of bed. Then at aerial yoga, a classmate from India was quite indignant that not many people seemed to care — because, Nepal is a country that, as she said, is "not important".

So after cooking this week's lunch, I looked for a show that would indulge this downward spiral and settled on That Girl in Yellow Boots, figuring if an Anurag Kashyap movie couldn't make you utterly depressed, prolly nothing else would.

I actually like this movie a lot. The actors were all fantastic, but Kalki — she was the light in the murky shadows of the movie. And, I thought, she had never looked more beautiful than she did in the lift scene (back to the massage parlor after realizing who the father she had been looking for was) — pale and completely broken.

The sequence in the streets during which Prashant was looking to kill Ruth's father reminded me a lot of Chungking Express. It's not Christopher Doyle's signature frenetic style, but the streets and the crowds and the futile searching all came together in a way that was reminiscent of Takeshi Kaneshiro's chase and his (later) futile search.

I didn't really get the connection between the cult/god-men-pedophilia thing that Wiki mentioned, mainly because I think Arjun/Benjamin Patel was said to have been told to leave the ashram. Also, was Rajat Kapoor's cameo meant to be a red herring? If not, then it's a really weird and short cameo.

Anyway.

Nine Inch Nail's 'Hurt' makes my skin tingle. I guess it's a feeling, a — not need — want, that never really goes away but just hides right beneath the skin, waiting to bead, bubble, and surface with a scratch.

Or something.

I've always thought Maximilian Hecker's 'Rose' was the song to slowly bleed into oblivion to.

Day 2 of 2

What I watched today:

• Listen Amaya
  Watched this because Auntie Al's client/friend recommended it and because I saw a trailer of it and thought it could be interesting, but mostly because DEEPTI NAVAL.
  So ... it was a decent show. Made me cry a couple of times and Amaya really pissed me off. Don't talk about giving her a slap for her insolence and selfishness, fucking smack her already.
  Also, few times everybody burst into song and dance (especially right at the start of the film) were jarring and — I thought — completely unnecessary.
  This is gonna be a show I'd recommend but would personally never watch again. Because fucking Alzheimer. =...(
• Badlapur
  It took me over an hour after Listen Amaya ended to decide on Badlapur. I'd actually started on Raqeeb but the non-chemistry between Sharman Joshi and Rahul Khanna was too awkward for me. Anyway, Badlapur (does it mean "Change-ville"?).
  I'd been looking forward to watching this but having watched it, I'm a little pissed off by it. Nawaz was great as usual — I think he does the slightly sociopathic pothead well — but he didn't make the movie any less bitter.
  I did not understand Dhawan's character. Raghu should've been a more sympathetic character — he never was (this is not to say Dhawan didn't do a good job in this role; he definitely did ... and without dancing until the end titles were rolling!). I hated that he targeted and used women — raped Jhilmil; murdered Kanchan; humiliated nearly every female character who didn't have the decency to die within the first 15 minutes of the film.
  Not. Okay.
  Can't recommend this to anybody without prefacing it with TRIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL AND VIOLENT ASSAULT ON WOMEN.
• Billu
  It was either this or Ankur Arora Murder Case; since I'd just seen Kay Kay Menon in a non-villainous role, I thought I'd leave off a movie in which he, again, played a horrible person. Therefore: Billu.
  I think it could've been a much better film had they used someone else other than the King Khan. That said, I do get that SRK was a great fit. I just hate it when he does maudlinness (see: tearful speech at the school function). GAAAH.
  Irrfan Khan was utterly, utterly heartrending as the simple, decent Billu. When he doesn't play a villain, he always make me laugh and/or feel so, so, so sorry for him.
  Lara Dutta is the most glam woman in the whole village despite being perhaps the poorest. That woman isn't made for the village girl roles, I think. I mean, she did a better job than I'd expected in Billu; she maybe should stick more urbane roles.

And back to work tomorrow ... =( On the plus side, I'll prolly spend my day in the office feeling a little high from my cough and flu meds.

Day 1 Of 2

Managed three movies today:

• Zodiac
  This one is good. I found it a little too long but totally worth it. I would've rewatched it if not for its runtime of over two and a half hours.
  I get the obsession and it's such a horrible compulsion, but — boy oh boy — the thrill of the (paper/info) chase. YES.
• Holiday: A Soldier Is Never Off Duty
  After a great film such as Zodiac, I found myself in the mood for other similar movies but less ... heavy. So I decided on Holiday.
  I actually found this one enjoyable (despite the lousy role they gave Sonakshi, not to mention her pairing with another dude old enough to be her father) and I think it has a high rewatch value. In fact, I may even like this more than Baby.
  I like to think of Holiday as the desi Taken because there was a scene in which Akshay and the other pretty face actually had a telephone conversation along the line of "I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you". Off the top of my head, there are only two Hindi film actors I can think of who should play Liam Neeson's role in the inevitable Hindi "remake" of the Taken series: Sunny Deol and hamara ek number Khiladi.
  While I found the song-and-dance sequences a pain in the ass and totally disruptive of the flow and tension of the movie, I do appreciate the brief romantic interludes (even if they featured Chi Chi — cheeeee) because they helped cut some of the tension, but what in the fucking hell were Sonakshi's screen parents thinking, matchmaking their college-aged daughter with such old men?!
  Sonakshi's role seemed to have been shoehorned in just for comic relief. Couldn't the scriptwriter just find a non-romantic comic element (which I thought the Mukund character was meant to be)?
• Rahasya
  Continuing my unusual streak of decent movies was Rahasya. GREAT WHODUNIT!!! I'm not sure I have seen a (more or less) taut murder mystery in recent years. I wonder if the Hindi film industry has produced more such movies in recent years?
  This is also the first (I think) movie I've seen in which Kay Kay Menon didn't play a villainous role. His CBI Officer Paraskar is right up there with Nawaz's Khan (Kahaani) and Ronit Roy's Bose (Ugly). If Sushant Singh Rajput's Detective Byomkesh Bakshy is in the same vein, I'm pretty sure I will like the movie as much as I've been looking forward to watching it.
  God, I hope there's a list of great detective roles in contemporary Hindi cinema that I can use to guide my movie selection. The best detectives are usually eccentric, intense, and offbeat (yes, apparently my preference is heavily colored by RDJ's and Cumberbatch's takes on Sherlock Holmes).

More on day two? We'll see.