WOW

Last night, YouTube recommended that I watch the trailer of Margarita, With A Straw. Wow. How is it that I still haven't seen anything with Kalki Koechlin in it? Well, except for AIB's 'It's Your Fault' clip:

After the trailer I watched two or three interviews in which Kalki spoke French, English, Tamil, and Hindi. WOW. I'm fascinated by people who speak/write/read in multiple languages. Stephen Fry was the first person I got to know about (after reading The Liar at 14) who knew more than two languages. Trefusis initially inspired me to pursue linguistics (which I did by majoring in it at varsity, but when I eventually did my Honors, it was in Medieval Studies — like Old Norse, Old English, Middle English, and Stylistics).

Anyway, the point is, I'm in awe of people who know more than two languages. I'm supposed to bilingual but I can barely read in my mother tongue and can't code-switch to order. Kalki Koechlin is completely amazing to me — know four languages, a good actor, a social activist ... In fact, maybe That Girl In Yellow Boots will go on my to-watch list now (holy shit she co-wrote it!). I might even go through and follow her entire filmography (which will be a real challenge since she does many films I won't usually watch in case they bring me down).

And this is a really interesting clip about her thoughts on her identity. I was a little confounded (and dumbfounded too) when I first read that she is of French descent, Indian-born and raised, and, again, SPEAKS SO MANY LANGUAGES!

(I agree: I only scribble seriously when I'm in the downward spiral and/or unemployed.)

Margarita, With A Straw looks wonderful, and although I worry it'll make me cry, I'm pretty sure there's humor enough to make me smile again ...

A Tribute

I'mma take a moment to pay tribute to the gorgeousness that is Vijay Raaz's hair (when he grows it out).

Behold:

Look at them beautiful waves and curls — I'm a sucker for curls and his are OMG fucking Gorgeous (yes, with a capital G)!

The waves perfectly set and the curls immaculate ... And they bounce so delightfully too (too lazy to make gif of that now but trust me on that)! Oh, would that I have hair like his!

Other lovely curls:

Kunaal Roy Kapur

Seth Rogen

For some reason, I seem to adore guys who are tall and big with curly hair, and who are complete slackers; Nitin in Delhi Belly and Zack from Zack and Miri Makes A Porno therefore are perfect buddies. I suspect it might be because of Roger, my human teddy bear, from my formative years ... He was about my height, maybe twice of me (sideways), and had large dry, warm hands. Very comforting, that dude. I used to think that everything can and will change, but Roger never will. (Unfortunately, he did. Instead of my teddy bear, he's now a fucking sheep in the damn flock. Ah well ...)

UUUUGGGHHH

Why does nearly every single fucking shot in SOTY feature a dude's bare chest?! Why does the camera linger over Dhawan's and Malhotra's crotches, chests, and abs? WHY the fuck WHY?!

Oi, button up, bitches.

I'm trying to watch the bloody show here and it's already hard enough with that crap storyline.

Further nitpicking:

• Alia Bhatt looked the part of the student (she must've been underage at the time of shooting); Malhotra looked like a pedo because of that.
• I don't know anything about Indian accents or dialects of Hindi, but Dhawan sounded ... a little strange to me. In Humpty Sharma, I'd thought he affected that accent/tone for his role, but even in Koffee with Karan he sounded like that.
• Sure, all gay men are queens, like you. STOP PERPETUATING THAT FUCKING STEREOTYPE. Yes, Ronit Roy is super hot (hello, tattoo!), but this isn't The Birdcage, so why is Rishi Kapoor playing Albert?
• LOL SOTY challenges — treasure hunt?! Dance-off, and eliminated if dateless?! WTF school is this — Sweet Valley High meets Riverdale High?!
• Why couldn't Shanaya have gone to the stupid prom/dance competition with Shruti?
• Shanaya walked funny because of the stripper heels they put her in. You want her to break her damn neck?!
• So, in that stupid love song set atop a snowy mountain, the girl got a fucking sleeveless kurti while the erstwhile bared-chest boys wore turtlenecks and thermal jackets? WTF. Why not make them go topless?
• Rohan's dad despised Rohan's musician ambition but winning the stupid-ass dance competition and triathlon was something Rohan wanted to make his dad proud? WTF. I bet Rohan's dad would've blown a fucking fuse if Rohan said he wanted to be a dancer or athlete.
• Really, you guys gonna duke it out even after a fucking decade? Real mature, assholes. Just kiss and hug it out, boys. Now ... KISS!

... and through much forwarding through dumbass dances, workouts, macho posturing and petty fights, and resultant drama, I've managed to finish the damned show. The best part is Kayoze Irani's character, Sudo(?) giving it to the Dean. You go, girl — preach it!

Another positive: Dhawan's eyebrows. I swear. They're really pretty — even more than any of the girls in the movie, even more than the leading lady.

Question: why couldn't Abhi and Rohan be foes-turned-friends-turned-foes-turned-LOVERS?! That hug in front of the hospital was pretty damned sweet, and Shanaya could've been Rohan's beard. In fact, a better story with appropriate camp that would've accounted for many songs and dances would be Abhi and Rohan falling in and out and back in love, struggling to come out to Shanaya and the whole fucking heteronormative world. And when they finally do, admitting to be madly in love with each other ... AN EXPLOSION OF COLORS AND SONG AND DANCE!

All this queer girl is asking from this queer director is a little more queerness in his movies. Is really too much?!

(That 'Radha' song I liked a lot though. Dhawan is the better dancer (dude's got rhythm) and Malhotra's a little ... I dunno, stiff (uncomfortable dancing?); Alia needs to tighten up the moves a little (hiphop and jazz classes should help).

Four!

I finally found an original copy of Delhi Belly yesterday! It's a little exorbitant but then I was desperate. I mean, I watch the show nearly every day — suuuper obsessed — and there's only so much Hindi I can understand without subtitles ...

Yesterday, I finally finished Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania. Throughout most of the movie (shortly before the interval onward), I kept wondering how different from DDLJ this could possibly be. Is Humpty gonna be bashed at the train station (nope, at the dulhan's house); is Simran Kavya gonna get the "jaa,Simran Kavya, jaa; jee le apni zindagi" lines (no, it's Humpty). Then at the end of the fucking movie, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. WTF? ... oh. Produced by KJo. Whatevs. Again, Alia Bhatt looks way too young to be a bride — I mean, isn't child marriage outlawed?

Today, I finished four movies:

Jodi Breakers — I like Bipasha Basu, but, honestly, I thought she would've learned to act by now. She's been in films for over a decade now, no? Also, the story had promise but failed to meet expectations.

Finding Fanny — this one I love! It's quirky, beautiful, and hopeful. (It's also the first time I saw Deepika Padukone in a movie.) The characters are all adorable (<3 Dimple Kapadia!), but creepy artist man (Pankaj Kapur) is creepy. And poor Nereus ... =( I hope Homi Adajania continues to write and direct; I like both the films he'd written and directed so far.

Cheeni Kum — I've wanted to watch this for so long, but when I finally watched it, it was just ... okay. Maybe I'd like it more had Bachchan Sr. not been in it (yes, I'm not a fan) cuz I just adore Tabu.

Straight — yes, yes, YES! This is such a sweet film — and boy did it surprise me by not being anti-gay/homophobic! (This totally isn't your 'typical' masala movie, right? Bollywood has a pretty shit record when it comes to portrayal of any homosexuality or transgendered characters.) Siddharth Makkar's character's impassioned speech about love after he just came out to his cousin was great; Gul Panag should've had more to do in it because she's good, you know (and those dimples!)? Vinay Pathak was great in this (then again, he's always aces in my books) and I felt a lot of sympathy for his character. I will watch and rewatch this movie for sure, again and again and again, but finding an original copy is prolly gonna be a big pain in the ass ... and expensive too.

I also bought 7 Khoon Maaf yesterday so I'm gonna watch it tomorrow. Having Monday off is just fucking awesome.

More Shitheads

You dumb fucks.

You dumb dumb dumb dumb fucks.

Why in the bloody hell were you ever shat out and not flushed down the toilet where you belong?

You don't deserve to be even an atom on this planet in this galaxy, or any other in the entire universe. You are the mistakes that were penciled on life's drawing pad and must be erased.

You dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb fucks — this is for you:

Give Me A G and an A - Y?!

... are there no or so few openly LGBTQ (or QUILTBAG) A-list actors in the Indian film industry — specifically that which has been called "Bollywood"?

Bollywood has got to be one of the most fucking heteronormative things on this earth. Sometimes, when I spend too much time immersing myself in masala flicks, I worry I'll start tilting towards Kinsey 0 or 1. Heaven forbid!

Then recently I watched a Koffee with Karan clip on YouTube and realized, heyyyy ... here's an actor who's pinging my almost defunct gaydar. That relatively new actor in question (no, of course not that big ol' queen) somehow just caused my brain to whisper, maybe he's ...? Of course, earlier this week, I then read somewhere that he has had girlfriends and has one now. So I guess my gaydar has completely gone off. Sigh.

Ah, Bollywood, come out of the closet why don't you? I'll give you a cupcake each!

Ishqiya + Dedh Ishqiya = Fuck Yeah!

I finally watched Ishqiya AND Dedh Ishqiya — FUCKING AWESOME AFTERNOON!

I think Dedh Ishqiya is funnier than first; it also has Vijay Raaz and his beautiful hair in it. No, seriously, his hair is almost as beautiful as Huma Qureshi. Almost. Also, Dedh Ishqiya has LESBIANS.

Wait.

No.

No, it has my crush, Huma Qureshi, playing one half of an utterly gorgeous lesbian couple!!!

The more fitting #ohdekho #dekho #dekho

And not in that stupid exploitative way like Girlfriend.

What I don't like in both films is the violence against women. I can't stand seeing violence against animals, women, and children, not even fake violence; I want to kill the assholes dead who hurt them.

I also don't get why Khalujaan and Babban still seem to think they have a chance with Para and Muniya towards the end of the movie (bail scene), despite seeing Para and Muniya get it on (while the men were tied up), despite Khalujaan having seemingly conceded the lesbian relationship that the two women have (see: the lihaaf reference). Is it just to reinforce how much those two male characters are complete fools for love and eternal optimists?

Anyway, I love big ol' lesbian happy endings! (This Rediff article is a good read and also elucidates Dedh Ishqiya's significance in modern Indian film history.)

I feel quite sorry for the Jaan Mohammad character — I believe it's more his obsessive love for Begum Para than his desperate coveting of the Nawab title that fueled his determination to marry her — but only because of Vijay Raaz's beautiful hair (which also looked very pretty in Delhi Belly). I wish my hair could be wavy/curly that way, instead of looking like a windswept mess all the time, wind notwithstanding.