Album: Myam James
Have been neglecting my work, I'm afraid ... =(
But, boy, am I exhausted. Sleep has been less than restful lately - I've problems falling asleep and I keep waking up; dreams - if I even had any (I'm not sure) - are not scary though.
Sigh.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
Lykke Li - 'Dance Dance Dance'
Album: Youth Novels
I told the boss today when I'm leaving. It's a relief, but I also feel quite sad. There's really a lot I could gleam from Mephisto, not (just) by his instructions, but also through ... osmosis, I guess. I think his ways are beginning to rub off a little on me.
Also, he's just about the only person who actually thinks I have potential - and not because he's trying to be encouraging or supportive. While it is stressful to have that sort of constant pressure, it's also a driving force for me. I want to make something of myself too - I just don't have the direction; and, thus without direction, I lose the drive. (Vicious cycle, that.)
=(
I find myself preferring new songs lately.
I told the boss today when I'm leaving. It's a relief, but I also feel quite sad. There's really a lot I could gleam from Mephisto, not (just) by his instructions, but also through ... osmosis, I guess. I think his ways are beginning to rub off a little on me.
Also, he's just about the only person who actually thinks I have potential - and not because he's trying to be encouraging or supportive. While it is stressful to have that sort of constant pressure, it's also a driving force for me. I want to make something of myself too - I just don't have the direction; and, thus without direction, I lose the drive. (Vicious cycle, that.)
=(
I find myself preferring new songs lately.
Ingrid Michaelson - 'Be OK'
Album: Be OK
... And it's November. Already.
Pole competition is this month, together with the workshops, and a pole mate's getting married.
So much happening, but there's the second biggest hurdle of all yet ... Sigh.
... And it's November. Already.
Pole competition is this month, together with the workshops, and a pole mate's getting married.
So much happening, but there's the second biggest hurdle of all yet ... Sigh.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Lenka - 'The Show'
Album: The Show
Today's new spin: 'Moon goddess'; today's new trick: 'Superman'.
The Hallowe'en pole party was fun - and definitely a real workout.
Jessy's joining the the competition; I'm still thinking about it. Sigh. =/
Today's new spin: 'Moon goddess'; today's new trick: 'Superman'.
The Hallowe'en pole party was fun - and definitely a real workout.
Jessy's joining the the competition; I'm still thinking about it. Sigh. =/
Saturday, November 01, 2008
The sound of you sleeping
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Watching you sleep
... but it's Crash Day, and this Thursday child has far to traverse - in Dreaming.
Over and out.
Over and out.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Pink Floyd - 'Wish You Were Here'
Album: Wish You Were Here
Had a manic-depressive sorta day.
First thing in this morning, I found Christine, my favoritest lecturer, had done more than I expected her to when I sent her that tentative email yesterday: I found threads of emails she sent to various lecturers on my behalf. She seems genuinely excited and enthusiatic about my honors program - more so than me, I have to admit. But - it's infectious, so let's hope it stays that way with me.
Then I got depressed, and went to work on my sorely neglected database.
But Mephisto came in, was in a feisty mood, and chewed two heads off not long after stepping in. Me, it was all I could do to keep from laughing hysterically. When his wrath isn't on me, I found it amusing - entertaining, even.
I must be ticklish around him today, 'cuz everything he said made me chortle. What's not to love?
Then I got depressed, again ...
Had a manic-depressive sorta day.
First thing in this morning, I found Christine, my favoritest lecturer, had done more than I expected her to when I sent her that tentative email yesterday: I found threads of emails she sent to various lecturers on my behalf. She seems genuinely excited and enthusiatic about my honors program - more so than me, I have to admit. But - it's infectious, so let's hope it stays that way with me.
Then I got depressed, and went to work on my sorely neglected database.
But Mephisto came in, was in a feisty mood, and chewed two heads off not long after stepping in. Me, it was all I could do to keep from laughing hysterically. When his wrath isn't on me, I found it amusing - entertaining, even.
I must be ticklish around him today, 'cuz everything he said made me chortle. What's not to love?
Then I got depressed, again ...
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Frank Zappa - 'Watermelon in Easter Hay'
Album: Y Tu Mamá También OST
I find myself in the unusual and strange position of being depressed yet determined.
Not quite sure what to make of it ... Though, it comes, it prolly goes.
I find myself in the unusual and strange position of being depressed yet determined.
Not quite sure what to make of it ... Though, it comes, it prolly goes.
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER. Joe has just worked himself into an imaginary frenzy during the fade-out of his imaginary song. He begins to feel depressed now. He knows the end is near. He has realized at last that imaginary guitar notes and imaginary vocals exist only in the mind of the imaginer. And ultimately, who gives a fuck anyway?! Excuse me. Who gives a fuck anyway? So he goes back to his ugly little room and quietly dreams his last imaginary guitar solo.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The sound of you sleeping
I sense I'm getting sucked into a vortex of anxiety - or, more probably, up my own ass from chasing my tail - and feeling stressed. I want to not get trapped in that anxiety, but I don't know how.
It's like you're about to step onto a bridge and just happened to look down ... and realized how deep and wide the chasm is, and how rickety the bridge is. If you want to make it across the bridge, you'll need courage: Focus on the other side while avoiding looking down - or you'll lose heart, balance, and focus, and fall.
All the way down ...
No safety net.
It's like you're about to step onto a bridge and just happened to look down ... and realized how deep and wide the chasm is, and how rickety the bridge is. If you want to make it across the bridge, you'll need courage: Focus on the other side while avoiding looking down - or you'll lose heart, balance, and focus, and fall.
All the way down ...
No safety net.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Pink Floyd - 'Wish You Were Here'
Album: Wish You Were Here
Yesterday, Maple told me I have "nice lines" - whatever that means - and that I should enter the competition. I'm still in two minds about this matter. I just don't have the time to come up with a choreo and practise it.
... But I would like to have the experience.
Maybe I should think about a public performance before I think about competitions.
Somehow I love this song. It makes me fucking depressed (though not more so than the other Pink Floyd tracks, especially those from the boss's favored The Final Cut) and Roger Waters is a poet. These lines are killer:
In the office, I loop this song and 'Watermelon in Easter Hay' on my mp3 player daily.
Yesterday, Maple told me I have "nice lines" - whatever that means - and that I should enter the competition. I'm still in two minds about this matter. I just don't have the time to come up with a choreo and practise it.
... But I would like to have the experience.
Maybe I should think about a public performance before I think about competitions.
Somehow I love this song. It makes me fucking depressed (though not more so than the other Pink Floyd tracks, especially those from the boss's favored The Final Cut) and Roger Waters is a poet. These lines are killer:
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have you found
The same old fears
Wish you were here
In the office, I loop this song and 'Watermelon in Easter Hay' on my mp3 player daily.
Shivaree - 'Lost In A Dream'
Album: Who's Got Trouble
Mephisto must be getting to me.
Today, having trouble getting the brass monkey (after visualizing it, breaking it down, and asking Geri for advice), I was ready to give up.
But since I can be very stubborn when I want to, I decided to give it one solid last try before putting the trick aside for next week. As I positioned and prepped myself for the kick-up, my boss's oft-repeated (Jedi) belief appeared out of nowhere in my head.
So I didn't try. I inhaled, then kicked up and went perfectly into brass monkey with none of those unslightly adjustments and repositionings. PERFECTLY. I was amazed.
Indeed, "there's no try".
I have my boss (and Yoda) to thank for helping me nail the brass monkey.
Mephisto must be getting to me.
Today, having trouble getting the brass monkey (after visualizing it, breaking it down, and asking Geri for advice), I was ready to give up.
But since I can be very stubborn when I want to, I decided to give it one solid last try before putting the trick aside for next week. As I positioned and prepped myself for the kick-up, my boss's oft-repeated (Jedi) belief appeared out of nowhere in my head.
So I didn't try. I inhaled, then kicked up and went perfectly into brass monkey with none of those unslightly adjustments and repositionings. PERFECTLY. I was amazed.
Indeed, "there's no try".
I have my boss (and Yoda) to thank for helping me nail the brass monkey.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The sound of you sleeping
Am extremely tired, but felt better since Mephisto is back in the office; either that, or it's because I finally had my period (which started after he left for the day).
And he figured out how to get the two of us to lunch - today, he just told me, "Chicken rice ... 20 minutes."
20 minutes later, we were down in the foodcourt, with him ordering my meal, choosing the type of chicken (boiled, as opposed to roasted) to the kind of vegetables (leafy greens, as opposed to beansprouts).
Waiting to collect my food, somehow that scene in Secretary where Edward was dictating over the phone as to what Lee should have for dinner flashed in my head ...
NO.
Not what you're thinking.
At all.
=|
And he figured out how to get the two of us to lunch - today, he just told me, "Chicken rice ... 20 minutes."
20 minutes later, we were down in the foodcourt, with him ordering my meal, choosing the type of chicken (boiled, as opposed to roasted) to the kind of vegetables (leafy greens, as opposed to beansprouts).
Waiting to collect my food, somehow that scene in Secretary where Edward was dictating over the phone as to what Lee should have for dinner flashed in my head ...
NO.
Not what you're thinking.
At all.
=|
The Frames - Star Star (Pure Imagination Melody)
Album: Set List
Tonight, I had an especially clear realization of how spineless and weak-willed I am exactly. I mean, I've always known that for a fact, but tonight it'd hit me ... just so.
With people I like/love and respect and admire, I'm completely susceptible and don't stand a chance. Twisting my arm is like taking candy from a baby. I suspect it's because I don't want to disappoint them, and I want them to like me and not be upset.
This is so bad ...
=(
Tonight, I had an especially clear realization of how spineless and weak-willed I am exactly. I mean, I've always known that for a fact, but tonight it'd hit me ... just so.
With people I like/love and respect and admire, I'm completely susceptible and don't stand a chance. Twisting my arm is like taking candy from a baby. I suspect it's because I don't want to disappoint them, and I want them to like me and not be upset.
This is so bad ...
=(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)