I'm extremely tired, but super hyped right now. A wonderful night of pole performances!
It might be the two gin-and-tonics I had, but my back feels much better now (I'm at least able to bend over and straighten without any support) - hope it'll be back on form for tomorrow's advanced tricks workshop.
Looks like there's gonna be another Asian Pole Summit next year! I just gotta be here for it.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
OMFG!
Did two of my ex-schoolmates get married? To each other?!
. . .
I want to be all awwwwww ... but I'm all eeewwwwwwww.
Not quite sure why - they weren't even in the same class. She was in mine, he was in the next. It's not even like they're related, right?
And I like them both - nice people.
But ...
I hurt the left side of my back kicking up into a (failed) attempt at brass monkey.
=(
I iz stupid.
And there're workshops to attend this entire weekend, beginning this Friday!
It's not everyday we're gonna be the same way There must be a change somehow There are bad times and good times too So have a little faith in what you do 'Cause you don't seem to realize The things you've got to face in life Today you're up, tomorrow you're down So thank god that you're still around town
Though we've got to work like slaves Just to eat a piece of bread But as we go along each day we'll find Happiness to sooth the mind 'cause It's not everyday we're gonna be the same way There must be a change somehow There are bad times and good times too So have a little faith in what you do
The aftermath's just the same as having just (barely) recovered from a bad bout of stomach flu. I was consciously handling myself with kid gloves today, trying to spot a potential trigger before it could trigger me.
Was mostly fine today (boss wasn't in office), even with a marked lack of appetite; but as I was sent out to walk the dog, I almost had a mild relapse - it was like knowing you're about to vomit, but desperately hanging on to the fine balance needed to not hurl your insides out. Now I finally understand why Auntie Al'd needed someone to talk to 24/7 at her worst period. It could be terrifying otherwise.
Didn't want music as I walked, but when I did turn the mp3 player on, I found this song to be somewhat calming.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Well. It's gotta happen; better now than when I don't have any of my paperweights and supports around.
Tonight a Cat. 5 ripped right through and I sat for a long time gasping and thumbing through my phonebook. After two runs, I called Jason.
The catalyst ... it's kinda Mephisto (indirectly), but everything else that'd been hanging out in the background for the last few weeks/couple of months had also been snowballing.
The aftermath is just debris.
It's not a bad thing - I don't have the nausea or the gasping anymore - but we'll see about tomorrow.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
After dinner, I watched bits of a local TV station's forty-fifth anniversary anniversary/gala-thingy - a channel I'd watched daily during childhood - so when a retrospective of the all the programs they'd created came up, it was a bit of a stroll down nostalgia lane.
But I realized, while I enjoyed the nostalgia, viewing the passage of time is terrifying for me, and it induced a sudden panic attack and severe case of insecurity.
Because I'm reminded that the passage of time is relentless and merciless, and even though I age with every second, I still feel as helpless and scared and dependent as a child on the inside.
Got a shock in the middle of class today - today's class'll be the last pole class the studio'll conduct until Jan '09; we would receive a voucher for a free class in lieu of the eighth class of our set (today's the seventh). I'm devastated.
Add that to all that stress I'm feeling recently, I'm really quite miserable, but life can only get worse.
Today we were taught the kitty combo and something that sounded like 'Dangerous Brian' but was later renamed inverted hanging angel - managed both easily. At pole prac, a third successful superman-to-chopsticks with Geri supporting.
Friday, November 21, 2008
As it turns out, I've been maligning our webmail somewhat, because it's partially my fault that its interface looks so antiquated.
See, Firefox 3 is my default browser, and on Mozilla, the interface is shite (same for Chrome, the other browser I'd downloaded onto my harddrive). But IE 6 (that came with the MS suite installed in my harddrive) - now that's a whole different story.
Had I used IE 6 to access our webmail (which isn't supported by IE 7), then I'd've enjoyed a more up-to-date interface: Hotmail circa early '00.
Paleozoic to Mesozoic is still a step up, no?
The entire office is forced to use webmail today because Outlook doesn't work. You wanna know exactly how terrible it is being forced to use the webmail?
Our webmail has an interface and functions slightly worse off than Hotmail circa 1998 1996.
That's how bad it is.
And it seems to time-out every other minute that I spend working on my database.
GAAAAAHHHHHHH! Today is pure purgatory!
Addendum (@14:36): WHY CAN'T WE JUST USE GMAIL?! ARGGGGHHHH.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The good: Am raring to get back on the pole and do that combo!
The bad: Am frustrated and furious I can't remember my ibanking log-in ID and PIN - and I absolutely refuse to pay the bank to have them reset those. Grrrr!
Good: The guy at the soup shop gave me a half-portion of chicken ham sarnie today (came with corn chips); previously he gave me a half-portion of Waldorf salad. Very nice of him, but the reason I don't order anything with my soup (always the chicken & corn chowder) is that I know I won't be able to finish.
Very bad: Pole prac. Superman-to-chopsticks still no-go; chopsticks-to-superman ... half-go. Brass monkey almost-half-go.
I'm just so tired. And disheartened. I almost wept.
Why have I always been a failure / What can the reason be?
Never let it be said I never say 'yes' - I bloody do. And today, I'm not even sure what I'd said 'yes' to.
Waiting for a transfer, I received a call from a chirpy-sounding girl from the Cookie Museum (I left my cellphone number when they prompted me to after I purchased a tin of scrummy mango-cranberry addiction) who told me they were launching new flavors for Christmas and LNY ... and I started drifting off. Maybe I have ADD or something, but I can never listen when my other senses aren't engaged (worse when I'm tired). I only caught "tasting" and "cookies" and "reservation".
I declined the reservation, saying I'd just drop by after work, but she said it tends to be crowded ... or something (she lost me again).
Then it seems I might've said 'yes' to something happening next Wednesday evening.
Fingers crossed "cookies" and "tasting" are heavily involved.
