Jill Philips - 'It Could Happen To Us'

Album: Kissing Jessica Stein OST

I'm officially adopting this as my theme song for November.

May it do me good.

Baby just imagine all that could happen
Between two people
If we just let down our guards
Trust it in our hearts
Think of how far we could go ...

Tracy Bonham - 'Naked'

Album: The L Word: The Third Season OST

I can talk to Rach the entire night; I could prolly do it forever. There's just so much to talk about, to debate over, etc. There are things I can tell and have told her that I've never spoken out loud.

I love how she's passionate about her convictions, and will stand by them; I love catching glimpses of the little girl who'd pop out from time to time; I love her infectious laugh.

What grace have I, indeed, to have her in my life, however short the period.

Dreams Come True - 'Love Love Love'

Album: Love Unlimited

The Indian lady commenting on the stain of the मेहँदी I had applied last Saturday: "This means your boyfriend loves you a lot. If you're married, then your husband loves you a lot."

"But ... The One still hasn't appeared; there's nobody in my life!" I lamented.

She laughed. "Then someone out there loves you a lot," said she.

You think?

I can only wish ...

X Japan - 'Longing'

Album: Ballad Collection

Yes, I do know life will not be the same one I had there previously.

I know I'm not going back to that life.

So stop telling me that.

I'm already trying very hard to hold it together, to be brave enough to give it a try anyway. It's very scary for me; I'm terrified. My armor isn't solid; it's full of holes and falling apart.

I don't need anybody to dent it further for me, okay?

So stop telling me that.

I know. I know.

I already know.

Kathy McCarty - 'Living Life'

Album: Before Sunset / Before Sunrise OST

I should set myself deadlines to adhere to. To start off, broadly, I'd like to get my student permit and visa by the end of this month.

Rach was right on many counts, among which: I need (a lot of) stimulation.

And, tonight, again, I think about how pissed off I'm gonna be if I were to die now: There are still so many things I have to, want to, experience and achieve.

eels - 'Somebody Loves You'

Album: Shootenanny

You know how people always console others with, "It's okay, you're not alone; you're not the only one [going through this] ..."?

Well, I think I finally found one of them who's out there, sharing my predicaments and problems; finally found that someone. Not quite sure how to feel about that: on one hand, it's nice to finally not feel so alone; on the other, while there are worse situations out there than my own, I'd never wish for any of my shit to happen to someone else, and I'm sorry that they do.

It's wonderful hanging out with Rach; sure gonna miss her a lot when she leaves.

I hope good things happen to her. Everything crossed for her lab results to turn out well.

Tommy Roe - 'Dizzy'

Album: Dizzy

It was pretty bad today; felt like I was floating when I was in motion, and when seated, like there were tremors from an earthquake.

Occasionally I get some kinda 'white-out' (don't know what else to call it) when I move from a seated to a standing position, but today, it was getting from a standing to seated position that had been a bit of a problem.

Gah ... Need. Sleep.

On the other hand, this kinda light-headedness makes for a rather surreal out-of-body experience.

Pizzicato Five - 'Baby Love Child'

Album: Made in USA

I feel kinda bad that I couldn't stop my eyes drifting downwards when we were together this afternoon (lunch, then shopping for maternity jeans), because she is an old friend. But ... boobs are boobs! (Right ...?) =(

So I think I got punished this evening. Just earlier this week I was telling someone dirty dancing was more detrimental to my baby than pole practice was, but now - BAM. Fucking huge and painful collision.

My baby hurt more, but at the end of the session, I found Anna so bloody I could hardly see her crystal ball.

Desmond's gonna murder me tomorrow ...

Jimmie Vaughn - 'Dengue Woman Blues'

Album: From Dusk Til Dawn OST

Horoscope suggested it; I took it. Played hooky from work. Was so tired I felt I could collapse.

Went back to bed around 9 AM and woke up just in time for lunch. Watched Invisible Waves (Tadanobu has lovely hair!).

Hmm. I like playing hooky.

Think I'll go dance now.

As of this moment, this is the best advice a horoscope has ever given.

Ennio Morricone - 'Paranoia Prima'

Album: Death Proof OST

Occurred to me today that I should be fretting over whether or not that boy would post all those pictures he took of Jit and me on Saturday; but then I remembered: The more salacious the shot, the more obscured my face had been. 'Tis all good. Still, I shall be mighty pissed off if I found anything online ...

On the the bleaker side, was asked if I'd be into a threesome.

So tired these days I feel dizzy half the time. The cab driver reminded me that the lack of sleep would lead to older-looking skin.

Will resolve to sleep earlier on weekdays.

Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich - 'Hold Tight'

Album: Death Proof OST

The first of the goodbyes have started. Hege, today; Saket, tomorrow. Later on, Min; and still later on, Rach. I don't know if I'd ever say goodbye myself.

People come, and people go; I just wish some of them would stay a little longer. Especially those who have made such a difference in my life, who have helped shaped a part of what and who I am now.

But I also hope this means I'll be saying hellos real soon, too, to new people, and to the familiar ones who should return.

तो अलविदा नहीं - फिर मिलेंगे मेरे दोस्तों.

Tito & Las Tarantulas - 'After Dark'

Album: From Dusk Til Dawn OST

Retroactively unsatisfied.

I want to dance some more. I want to learn new moves.

Gotta stop dirty dancing.

Coasters - 'Down In Mexico'

Album: Death Proof OST

Hungry as hell. Pissed off that my high had worn off before I got home.

Insult to injury: I feel so cheap and used too.

I will consider being a fluffer again - but only if I get paid to do it. No more dirty dancing. No more getting it on with a prick-tease.

Gah. Wash make-up off. Brush teeth. Shower. Moisturize lips. To bed.

Desmond's gonna be exasperated with me the next time I go to him (prolly Tuesday); especially after Sanice told me (just on Friday) that my baby was healing well, too.

=(

Nine Inch Nails - 'The Downward Spiral'

Album: The Downward Spiral

So the blood tests results came back. I was expecting a clean bill; it wasn't. Nothing too serious according to my doc; the results read:

Dyserythropoietic changes present suggestive of thalassaemia trait. There is a mild leucopenia. No early cell seen.

Bottom-line: 15-25% of my blood is "bad" (his word), and I prolly have alpha thalassemia trait.

I've always known I was defected, but the older I get, I realize I'm actually more defected than I'd thought. According to Wikipedia, "Thalassemia Minor often coexists with other diseases such as asthma[5], and mood disorders[6]."

Both physically and psychologically defected.

Not only am I cursed by the stars, I'm also damaged goods ...

=...(