Maren Ord - 'Waiting'

Album: Waiting

I'm sitting here in silence
I'm waiting here patiently
And I'm wondering
If you're waiting too
I'm sitting here alone now
And I'm waiting here on my own
I'm wondering
If you're waiting for me too

Miscommunication.

Murphy's Law.

Now what do I do? Wait it out?

How long can I afford to wait?

Why do things always go wrong when they seem to be going so right?

I've jinxed it, haven't I?

=...(

Wir Sind Helden - 'Nur Ein Wort'

Album: Von hier an blind

Everybody's been asking about my decision, and I now realize I've been speaking about it to too many people.

On one hand, I do want (and value) my friends' opinions; on the other, I don't want any questions or inquisitions (which I get on an almost-daily basis now).

A lot of things are up in the air, and I don't want to jinx anything by speaking too soon (and I've seen that happen just too many times). I've made my bed; now all that's left to see if I could stand lying on it.



Played truant again today.

Mama Cass Elliot - 'Dream A Little Dream'

Album: The Best of the Mamas and the Papas

Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me ...

Mary Ann Redmond - 'Alone But Not Lonely'

Album: Songbirds Vol. 2

I'm feeling inordinately depressed - I hope the root of it will prove to be fatigue ... and not the decision I gave Mephisto.

Julie Delphy - 'Je T'Aime Tant'

Album: Before Sunset & Before Sunrise OST

Must make my decision this week.

I really hope my boss wouldn't irritate me this week ...

The Cure - 'Lullaby'

Album: Disintegration

I think it's the moon - I feel so unsettled tonight; now.

Dinner (at Hooters) was nice, then a long-ish walk to Oohtique and back to Clarke Quay to take a cab home. Since we were at Clarke Quay, I brought Jit to Alecs' studio. Strangely enough, he could still remember me (even though it's more than five months since he inked me) and asked how I was healing.

If I'm in Singapore for my birthday next year, I told him, I'll be back to see him for another ink.

If I stayed in Singapore, I'd be getting a lot more piercings and ink, I think ...

Better that I leave?

Tito & Las Tarantulas - 'After Dark'

Album: From Dusk Til Dawn OST

Another wretchedly frustrating day in the office, trying to keep from snapping at the boss - which resulted in another poor attempt - so thank Goddess for after hours.

Dinner with Rach, then exotic rehearsal (learned new combination of moves - yay!), then supper with Andrea.

My right arm is getting progressively worse - I had trouble lifting even my mug of tea this morning: Worrisome.

Still haven't bought the pillows and linens, but don't worry, will make sure I have 'em by the time you get here.

I wish you could be here with me now ...

TraLaLa - 'All Fired Up'

Album: The L Word: The Third Season OST

• KL told me today that Mephisto had said Jaime was afraid of him. An impossibility! I'd pegged Jaime for the type who won't take no shit from nobody.
  
  
• The archipelago of bruises on my right arm had somehow merged into what Rach said looked like a peninsula. And from wrist to elbow, my arms they hurt so much, so much.
  
  
• Exotic rehearsals start tomorrow!
  
  
• Gotta buy the pillows and linens for you soon ...
  
  
• Nope, not thinking about it - even though Rach asked if I'd decided today. Nope. Not thinking.

Jarvis Cocker - 'Black Magic'

Album: Jarvis

Hm.

You'll get here soon.

=)

रूप कुमार राठोड - 'खामोश रात'

Album: थक्षक OST

I find this song calms me down some.

I think ... I've already decided; I'm just so scared to find out what I've decided.

Talking to Rach tonight helped some.

And - a bonus - I found out Aphrodite has a mortal name ...

Ma belle.

Abra Moore - 'Taking Chances'

Album: No Fear

Ohh ... Opportunity knocks twice.

But -

... there will be time
To wonder, 'Do I dare?' and 'Do I dare?'
Time to turn back and descend the stair ...

He will wait, but only till December. (And how deeply he intrigues and fascinates me - but do I dare?)

I'm at the crossroads: Welly, or Singapore?

My guts, my heart, say ...



JUMP.

Melissa Etheridge - 'Breathe'

Album: Lucky

I played the fool today
I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
Longing for home again
Home, is a feeling I buried in you

I'm alright, I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe

I love this song, but there was a time I couldn't stand listening to it.

Feel so unsettled tonight, so unstable; hard to feel you're not damaged when it sometimes seems like you're just so fucked up. I think people do that to me. Maybe I still don't know how to handle things.

Auntie Al gives good hugs. Wish she were here to give me one right now. =(

Nellie McKay - 'Cupcake'

Album: Pretty Little Head

Said I, "... you've such a long list of criteria! Lower your fucking expectations!"

And she said, "Actually ... you're not that tall ..."

=/

I don't know; even if we didn't go back such a long way (my thought) and she were taller (her thought), I'm still not sure we are entirely compatible - never mind entering into a romantic relationship.

Still - always a fun topic to be arguing over though.

I'm sorry ... but I think it'd have to be no.

Or maybe I should give it another try ...?

Frou Frou - 'It's Good To Be In Love'

Album: Details

Saw an advertisement at a bus stop this morning which said, "Pimp your mind".

It stumped me for a moment as to why anyone would exhort another to "pimp your mind". I mean, seriously: Why?

I've always thought the mind was promiscuous, but it's not the same as whorish.

... Is it?

Catatonia - 'Mulder And Scully'

Album: International Velvet

Noooo.

This cannot be happening.

Stop stop stop stopstopstopstop.

Eddie Floyd - 'Good Love Bad Love'

Album: Death Proof OST

Uglily bruised.

But then I'll take bruises on the outside any day.

Bitter:Sweet - 'Dirty Laundry'

Album: The Mating Game

What I woke to in my head this morning:

(Oooh) What's the fun in playing it safe?
(Oooh) I think I'd rather misbehave
Your way ...

I don't even wanna think about it.

The subconscious is horrible thing ...

=|

Virginie Ledoyen - 'Mon Amour Mon Ami'

Album: 8 Femmes OST

What a strange serious of online conversations tonight ...

Blog 27 - 'I Still Don't Know Ya'

Album: LOL

Kid, flattery will get you in my doghouse; flattery you want to pass off as honesty will insult me. I mean, what do you take me for - another stupid skirt? Grr. >=|

Fine. You want stupid? I'll give you stupid.

Brain bogglingly boneheaded insufferably inane STUPIDITY.

Mika - 'Love Today'

Album: Life In Cartoon Motion

I reiterate: Sashimi. Buffet. And I'll like to add one more word: Sake. (Ain't no such thing as "too much".)

But it was also goodbye to my favorite girl ...

=...(






So, thank you so much for the postcard - it brightened the later half of my day some. 'Tis nice to see the flash mob's full moon on this dark-moon night.

April March - 'Chick Habit'

Album: Death Proof OST

After I told him about my collision, he was silent for awhile. Then he said, "It's a good thing you have a BioFlex bar; otherwise, if it were a titanium bar ..."

We'd be talking about deep muscle piercing, I'm guessing ... =|

Well, I'm just gonna hang tight and see how Baby feels next week.

Meanwhile, two deliriously delish words: Sashimi. Buffet.

^_^

Dominique - 'तड़प तड़प'

Album: हम दिल दे चुके सनम OST

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Don't know why Baby hurts so much. Had I been sleeping on her last night? Our nightly salt solution soak bit like a mother tonight.

Can't put off seeing Desmond anymore: Gotta go see him tomorrow and face the music. =(

Realized tonight, after griping to Germ, I really, really, really absolutely suck with analogies. "Buffet"?! What the fuck?

Whoever'd believe I was (and am gonna be) an English major?

Jill Philips - 'It Could Happen To Us'

Album: Kissing Jessica Stein OST

I'm officially adopting this as my theme song for November.

May it do me good.

Baby just imagine all that could happen
Between two people
If we just let down our guards
Trust it in our hearts
Think of how far we could go ...

Tracy Bonham - 'Naked'

Album: The L Word: The Third Season OST

I can talk to Rach the entire night; I could prolly do it forever. There's just so much to talk about, to debate over, etc. There are things I can tell and have told her that I've never spoken out loud.

I love how she's passionate about her convictions, and will stand by them; I love catching glimpses of the little girl who'd pop out from time to time; I love her infectious laugh.

What grace have I, indeed, to have her in my life, however short the period.

Dreams Come True - 'Love Love Love'

Album: Love Unlimited

The Indian lady commenting on the stain of the मेहँदी I had applied last Saturday: "This means your boyfriend loves you a lot. If you're married, then your husband loves you a lot."

"But ... The One still hasn't appeared; there's nobody in my life!" I lamented.

She laughed. "Then someone out there loves you a lot," said she.

You think?

I can only wish ...

X Japan - 'Longing'

Album: Ballad Collection

Yes, I do know life will not be the same one I had there previously.

I know I'm not going back to that life.

So stop telling me that.

I'm already trying very hard to hold it together, to be brave enough to give it a try anyway. It's very scary for me; I'm terrified. My armor isn't solid; it's full of holes and falling apart.

I don't need anybody to dent it further for me, okay?

So stop telling me that.

I know. I know.

I already know.

Kathy McCarty - 'Living Life'

Album: Before Sunset / Before Sunrise OST

I should set myself deadlines to adhere to. To start off, broadly, I'd like to get my student permit and visa by the end of this month.

Rach was right on many counts, among which: I need (a lot of) stimulation.

And, tonight, again, I think about how pissed off I'm gonna be if I were to die now: There are still so many things I have to, want to, experience and achieve.

eels - 'Somebody Loves You'

Album: Shootenanny

You know how people always console others with, "It's okay, you're not alone; you're not the only one [going through this] ..."?

Well, I think I finally found one of them who's out there, sharing my predicaments and problems; finally found that someone. Not quite sure how to feel about that: on one hand, it's nice to finally not feel so alone; on the other, while there are worse situations out there than my own, I'd never wish for any of my shit to happen to someone else, and I'm sorry that they do.

It's wonderful hanging out with Rach; sure gonna miss her a lot when she leaves.

I hope good things happen to her. Everything crossed for her lab results to turn out well.

Tommy Roe - 'Dizzy'

Album: Dizzy

It was pretty bad today; felt like I was floating when I was in motion, and when seated, like there were tremors from an earthquake.

Occasionally I get some kinda 'white-out' (don't know what else to call it) when I move from a seated to a standing position, but today, it was getting from a standing to seated position that had been a bit of a problem.

Gah ... Need. Sleep.

On the other hand, this kinda light-headedness makes for a rather surreal out-of-body experience.

Pizzicato Five - 'Baby Love Child'

Album: Made in USA

I feel kinda bad that I couldn't stop my eyes drifting downwards when we were together this afternoon (lunch, then shopping for maternity jeans), because she is an old friend. But ... boobs are boobs! (Right ...?) =(

So I think I got punished this evening. Just earlier this week I was telling someone dirty dancing was more detrimental to my baby than pole practice was, but now - BAM. Fucking huge and painful collision.

My baby hurt more, but at the end of the session, I found Anna so bloody I could hardly see her crystal ball.

Desmond's gonna murder me tomorrow ...