Been trying to encourage Jen to go out and socialize more; Aileen and I agreed Jen should date.

But - where to start? How to start? I've no idea how Jen could expand her social circles - maybe join a class or a club or something - still, easier said than done, I think.

Then there's I.

These days, I feel like being left alone.

Except when I get home - I wish it was home to you.

The sound of you sleeping

I try to say something, but all I get are the wrong words - the wrong words or the exact opposite words from what I mean. I try to correct myself, and that only makes it worse. I lose track of what I was trying to say to begin with. It's like I'm split in two and playing tag with myself. One half is chasing the other half around this big, fat post. The other me has the right words, but this me can't catch her ...



Murakami, Haruki (trans. by Jay Rubin). Norwegian Wood. Great Britain: Vintage, 2003.

Wilco - 'On And On And On'

Album: Sky Blue Sky



Caught La Patinoire today (realized I really miss watching NHL matches); dinner at Hooters, and a drink at Azzucar (Rach stepped on my second toe with her dance heel; hopefully it won't erupt into something more serious).

Felt completely out of it, partly because of my reluctance to speak (due to a sore throat), and partly because I was tired and uninterested in the conversation.

Or maybe because I unconsciously didn't want to be there ...

How is the sun more of a friend and companion than the moon, that nights always seem lonelier than days?

Mz Ann Thropik - 'Off With Your Head'

Album: Sweet Love Beat



Alice In Wonderland was actually quite a scary cartoon for me when I was a child - the same way Waking Life and Paprika are scary for me now. Something about dreams in which "nothing makes sense" and of which you can't seem to get out.

Sometimes life seems that way; sometimes being me seems that way.

Must learn to discern when things are about me, and when they're not, when they can't and shouldn't be, when they never were and never will be (everything is all about me to me right now).

Dismal pole practice today; skipped jazz. Currently entertaining the thought: "To hell with jazz class."

Sunny Levine - 'Love Rhino'

Album: Love Rhino



Quite enjoyed myself today when I followed my classmates to Union Square after our class - especially dancing with Fred, who is a strong lead and tried new fun moves with me. I wish I could dance better - hopefully that would come with practice and time.

I really don't look forward to going to work anymore, but all I ask for is just a couple of days to sleep in and bum around the house.

Voicemail from c--

Sources of frustration:

1. The bloody heat
   
2. And the bloody humidity
   
3. In bloody Singapore
   
4. And being disconnected from Google Talk
   
5. Because of inexplicable ebbing of signal strength on wireless connection.

>=\

The sound of you sleeping

I wonder if all that itchy eyes and sneezing in the office were psychosomatic; certainly my frustration isn't.

So many hours, nothing at all to do; and not daring to do the things I want to do.

I think I am quite unhappy ...

The other night, dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
When I awoke, dear
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried

The sound of you sleeping

I has vid of self on pole! Yay!

I can't stop watching the clip - gah, I have so much to work on. Basically everything I did in that clip had something off or something I can better.

Prolly should start recording myself doing my tricks if I went for pole prac.

Note to self: START STRETCHING.

Rufus Wainwright - 'Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk'

Album: Poses



Paradoxically, even as I think my stomach has shrank some, I've been eating more and more. (And getting fatter and fatter ...)

Anyways.

My mind's currently abuzz with pole (not to mention the sugar rush from the donut I just injested): The positions I'm eager to try out tomorrow, well as polishing up certain spins.

I want to go from the bat into a handstand then a split before dismounting. And that combination spin which I want to end with a backhook (or 'Goddess') instead of something like the 'Geisha'.

... Shit, I can't keep up with the names for every single spin/invert, especially if everybody calls them by different names. =|

Pizzicato Five - 'Baby Love Child'

Album: Made In USA



Managed a new invert today - what Linna called the 'Bat' - in addition to a new spin (a combination of the 'Maypole' and 'Merry-go-round').

I think that's why pole is addictive: Every time I achieved a new trick, I just want to do it again and again, because I am thrilled and pleased by it.

Same reason you're addictive: Every time I hear from you, I am thrilled and pleased.

Shivaree - 'I Will Go Quietly'

Album: Who's Got Trouble



Ran straight from salsa to pole prac.

Reminder to self: Do not attend Wednesday's pole prac - when it ends at 22:15, will have to wait forever to squeeze into an already-overcrowded bus (the second one, since the one that came 30 minutes prior didn't even bother stopping, being crammed to the brim) to get home because the too-long cab queue doesn't move.

Especially torturous with bummed knee from having fallen hard on it during pole prac. And low blood sugar from having missed dinner.

Things get any lower, hell'd've found new depths.

The sound of you sleeping

Childhood fears never will abate, I don't think.

I think once you got scared a certain way, in a certain situation, and/or by a certain person/thing, in your childhood - and, consistently, at that - you'll never lose that fear even as an adult. (I'd call it a phobia, except I don't feel what I fear is that irrational.)

Mephisto has that power over me. He may or may not know it, but he does.

Fear.