eels - 'Love of the Loveless'

Album: Queer as Folk: The Fourth Season OST

All around you people walking
Empty hearts and voices talking
Looking for and finding
Nothing

I think I might be turning nocturnal ...

Frou Frou - 'It's Good To Be In Love'

Album: Details

This morning, again, I heard Of Montreal's "... it's such a burden to carry round / the vestiges of dead dreams ..." before I even turned on my mp3 player.

Then, in middle of the afternoon, in buried under a pile of printouts, receipts, invoices, and spreadsheets, I heard the first eight beats of this song even though no music is allowed in the office.

And after I knocked off, I couldn't stop listening to this song.

If you googled for the lyrics, you'll find that, contrary to what the track title might suggest, it's really a sad, sad song.

Maybe I should stop analyzing my state of mind by the songs that pop into my head - seemingly at random.



But they don't seem random mostly - if at all.

30 Seconds To Mars - 'Attack'

Album: A Beautiful Lie

Still waiting to be retrenched.

No matter how much I complain about my job, I still need it. At least till the end of this year. I need the money, unfortunately.

I wish something nice would happen to me.

R.E.M. - 'At My Most Beautiful'

Album: Up

I saw you today; you made my heart jump.

That means it still works, and I'm still alive.

Coheed & Cambria - 'An End To A Beginning'

In the bus this morning, I thought my wrists look much smaller than I remembered, but when I grasped one with my hand, it felt exactly as it always had.

In the bus this evening, I thought how much I'd like to have someone who'd always be on my side, when I've been hurt, and stand up for me. Then I realized nobody's ever deliberately hurt me; if I hurt, it's all in my mind, all my doing. Always has been.

But to be able to feel pain is to be alive, right?

X Japan - 'Endless Rain'

Album: Ballad Collection

In my comfort zone in this thunderstormy night.

I'm home, but scared.

K's Choice - 'Not An Addict'

Album: Paradise in Me

Downtime.

Tonight's a very bad night, this dark moon night.

Milk offering tomorrow.



शक्ति

Tosca Tango Orchestra - 'Ballade 4, Part 1'

Album: Waking Life OST

I think ...

I feel like this piece of music at the moment.

Blog 27 - 'I Still Don't Know Ya'

Album: LOL

There are so many times I wish I could shed my body, because it doesn't feel like mine, because it traps me and weighs me down.

Without it, I feel I can run forever and never be out of breath, dance away into infinity ...

Sometimes, I wish I could dance and dance and dance ... until I break this clay vessel that imprisons me and slip away; free, at last.

Big Mountain - 'Baby I Love Your Way'

Album: Reality Bites OST

Watched Reality Bites (after Pyaar Ke Side Effects) today. It's still relevant, still makes sense today; in fact, it makes more sense to me now than when I first watched it (in my early teens).

Never really thought about who I am, what my identity is. I'm just ... me, I guess ... you know? And whoever that is - I don't know.



Need a long cuddle; need a good friend ...

=(

X Japan - 'Say Anything'

Album: Ballad Collection

You will be very vulnerable emotionally, therefore stay away from situation where you are likely to get hurt.

This is part of one of the horoscopes I read this morning, and I wondered if living means staying put and getting hurt, not running away anymore.

But running away had always hurt as well ...

Maybe a broken heart's like a slipped disc: It'll recur (maybe more and more frequently so), and even the slightest exertion would cause pain.

Or perhaps it's possible to be trapped beneath the dusty debris of a heart broken in another life.

And if you couldn't free yourself in time, and weren't found and rescued before the fresh air runs out, then, I guess, you will only die.

INXS ft. Sona - 'Afterglow' (Fusion)

Album: V Channel Blast 2007

Another long day.

Good news: Christine, Geoff, and Peter approved (unofficially). Bad news: Midway through the morning, I seemed to have tripped and entangled myself in knots - and this is just the beginning.

Kai later reiterated what the numerologist kinda said: You created the knots in your mind ... Yourself.

Didn't make it to Beavers for pole dancing ... =(



Not quite sure why - nor understand how - I can't be in a good mood if you aren't.

Notorious MSG - 'Dim Sum Girl'

Album: Die Hungry

How can they expect me to focus, at work, when I'm not allowed to have any distractions? Them crazy corporate types ...

=/

Today's been ... some day.

Glad I decided to live.

Arianne - 'Komm, Susser Tod'

Album: 新世紀エヴァンゲリオン劇場版: The End of Evangelion OST

I decided today that I don't want to live vicariously anymore.

I want to live.