Thursday, September 18, 2008

The sound of you sleeping

This quote from Kate Bornstein's Gender Outlaw is always lurking somewhere in my mind:
But there’s always one of them who looks at you
      with longing.
And that scares you the most,
Because if you let that longing into your heart, you have to
      accept yourself
      just the way you are.

It's taken out of context, but it rings true - at least for me.

I've seen me, my secrets - skeletons I buried so deep it'd take years of excavation to unearth them - the depth and darkness I'm so susceptible to. I haven't seen all of me, but that's enough for me to realize ... I can't accept myself the way I am - and I don't think anybody should.

What scares me the most, I think, is the person I look at with longing looking back at me with the same longing ... I'm afraid for the both of us.

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