My cough is killing me.

As is my throat.

Among other things.

I should go to a taxidermist or something and rent a fucking backbone.

And a brain.

Oh gawd, a brain. A decisive one.

eels - 'Climbing to the Moon'

Album: Electro-shock Blues

It's getting hard to tell where
What I am ends and
What they're making me begins

I won't be denied this time
'Fore I go out of my mind
Over matters
Got my foot on the ladder and
I'm climbing up to the moon

If only I really could.

I know Rach means well, and, intellectually, I know she's right; but right now, what she's telling me is just tearing me farther apart.

How can anybody know what they want and don't know what they want simultaneously?

Adele - 'Make You Feel My Love' (Bob Dylan cover)

Album: 19



There are times I feel as if I only serve to fill the little gaps in your life, between your music, your work, your school, and your friends; whereas I'm struggling to fill the gaps you leave in my life with dance, dance, dance. But then I think to myself, it's okay; I'd rather be an inconsequential filler than not be wanted at all.

There's a part of me that feels ashamed and appalled by that.

And then there's that other thing. Which makes me feel even more insecure.

And that makes me all the more disgusted with myself.

Adele - 'Make You Feel My Love' (Bob Dylan cover)

Album: 19



Today's word is: Sweetheart.



Withdrawal symptoms ... Hm. Interesting diagnosis.

The Frames - 'Star Star (Pure Imagination)'

Album: Set List



Um ...

I think I'm falling ill. I'm achey all over, my head feels heavy, and my throat feels swollen.

=(

The Frames - 'Star Star (Pure Imagination)'

Album: Set List



The word I learned today is precarious:

–adjective

1. dependent on circumstances beyond one's control; uncertain; unstable; insecure
   
2. dependent on the will or pleasure of another; liable to be withdrawn or lost at the will of another
   
3. exposed to or involving danger; dangerous; perilous; risky
   
4. having insufficient, little, or no foundation: a precarious assumption.

[Origin: 1640–50; < L precārius obtained by entreaty or mere favor, hence uncertain.]

Precarious. My balance is precarious.

The Frames - 'Star Star (Pure Imagination)'

Album: Set List



A hundred words will not suffice tonight.

I don't know what I'd do without Rach. What will I do when she does leave?

Must remember not to get used to this.

I cannot.

Must not.

Shreyal Ghosal and Sonu Nigam - 'पल पल हार पल'

Album: लगे रहो मुन्ना भाई OST



I see you in eighteen hours!

And the weekend is ours - I hope.

Broadcast - 'Where Youth And Laughter Go'

Album: The Future Crayon



... And on to Rach's birthday on the 20^th.

I was poor company tonight though. I don't know why ... I just feel so low.

=(

Bishop Allen - 'Things Are What You Make Of Them'

Album: Charm School



A day of highs and lows.

Lowest (and first thing in the morning, too): I fucked up ... again. My inaptitude is astounding; I manage to screw up in carrying out the simplest and smallest of tasks. Why has my boss not fired me already?

Highest (last thing this evening): Dinner with my lovely ladies and SH! Another of my favorite girls (and my first ... erm, 'question mark'), I was surprised at how shocked (and ... disappointed?) that she's getting married in three months.

=(

Natural Calamity - 'And That's Saying A Lot' (Natural Calamity Alt Remix)

Album: Hed Kandi: Winter Chill Vol. 3



Every so often, I'd remember how much I miss learning new choreo and rehearsals.

Still feeling a little tender, but nothing a generous dollop of gratuitous violence can't (continue to) assuage.

Where did all the crushed bits disappear to?

Now there's only ... emptiness.