Lizzie West - 'Chariots Rise'

Album: Lizzie West [EP]

... and then I realized why I always prefer to wait it out. Sometimes, it's congenital procrastination; sometimes, it isn't.

Because sometimes the things I feel driven to do, when the compulsion passes over or fades, I'd think: Boy, I'm glad I didn't do it - who knows what consequences (which I might or might be able to handle) I might have to deal with.

So that's why I nearly always wait it out (unless I hurt too much there and then): Because I know it'll pass.

Nothing lasts forever.

Repeal 377A

I've signed it.

Have you?

Ciara - 'Get Up'

Album: Ciara: The Evolution

So incredibly frustrated at myself - the fear, the Fear.

Like how you know you can and will do it, but just ... don't dare to, even at the desperate end of your rope.

Everything tells you to Jump! - and you're ready, too - but for Fear.

And I don't know whether I'm hanging on because of that fear, or hanging on to that fear.

All primed to let go ...

But for that Fear.

Cassie - 'Me & U'

Album: Cassie

We're more than flirting with the serious probability of a miscarriage, and I'm prolly the dumbest-ass person in the entire history of bodmods and the quickest to lose a piercing.

Pole never will go with piercings ... But I love them both.

Oh, this can't be a good sign, of all that it has come to signify.

=...(



So black and portentous must this humor prove, / Unless good counsel may the cause remove.

(Or a phone call ...)

Caedmon's Call - 'Love Alone'

Album: Long Line of Leavers

Auntie Al, whenever I tell her I'm attracted to any female, would encourage (read: nag) me to "go for it" and "give it a shot", and share her (overly) optimistic outlook that "[all girls] are not-straight until proven otherwise"; but when it comes to males, she'll always but always dismiss my infatuations with a single, laconic line: "You just need to be fucked, lah."

=/

k.d. lang - 'Consequences of Falling'

Album: Invincible Summer

In a cab speeding along the ECP (prolly my favorite local highway), I suddenly thought about how unbelievably solipsistic I am when it comes to emotions - among other things - but especially emotions.

Bit of a stalker mentality.

Plenty of self-delusions.

Which is why I'm (more often than not) relieved when the breaker of ardor finally recedes back into the ocean.

But, for now, I think I'll just enjoy the ride.

'S been a long time.

Mika - 'Happy Ending'

Album: Life In Cartoon Motion

I feel so good after a session on the pole. So good.

At work, it was great to be coordinating stuff I could see come together, no matter how slowly. It's just nice to feel like I'm doing something useful for a change.

And then the boss comes along and takes up my time doing shit tasks ("Please print confidentially"). Was so pissed off at him today I felt like giving notice.



... Although I gotta admit, it'd something to do with my being able to call Mephisto up with a legitimate excuse too ...

Abusivo - 'Guidala'

Album: Hip Hop and Reggaeton Revolution

I really wish I knew what is going on.

In my life.

(Please happen. Happen good.)

Am so afraid of the week ahead ...

Yet, at the same time, excited - we have two pole sessions tentatively scheduled.

Aqualung - 'Strange And Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You)'

Album: Still Life

They almost - almost - have me convinced me to call him.

Because work was just an excuse for him.

I'm high, but not that high to believe them.



Not that I don't desperately want to ...

Khia - 'My Neck My Back'

Album: Thug Misses

Was feeling down and downer even as we sped to ADS for our first 'rehearsal'.

So far, the count (straw poll among friends unfortunate enough to be of even vaguely sympathetic disposition and within hearing distance) is three to one that I should give the object of my (insane, totally wrong) puerile infatuation a ring.

I hate it when I'm attracted to someone other than physically: It's always more intense and takes forever to wear off.

Gotta admit - I'm getting pissed off at him ...

Rufus Wainwright - 'Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk'

Album: Poses

I'm alternating between panic attacks and the tantalizing glimpse of the dream I dream. Panic attacks and determination.



Earlier in the evening, I realized how it's so much more satisfying to want something and then make the decision to do that thing - compared to after having done that thing you wanted to do.



I really should stop reading Lolita.

Germ thinks I should ask him out.

Gary Puckett and the Union Gap - 'Young Girl'

Album: Young Girl: The Best of Gary Puckett and the Union Gap

... no, I don't think reading Lolita now is helping my school-girl crush.

Because now I keep thinking, " ... but he's only gonna be thirty years - thirty-five tops - older than me. That isn't a lot - it's just thirty years ..."

.
.
.

But the circumstances under which we met made it so totally inappropriate for me to call him.

How to carpe diem?

(Bag of bricks arrived this evening. Am a little depressed and anxious and excited - I have nowhere to live next year.)

Leo Sayer - 'You Make Me Feel Like Dancing'

Album: Charlie's Angels OST

Oh, oh, oh the package of bricks arrived today.

I want to start building immediately ... but I know it's gonna be a long drawn-out process.

Best start thinking of a topic for Christine now.

Yes, yes, yes!






(And, yup, still nursing that school-girl crush - but less giddily.

Why do I always but always manage to want what I can never get?)

Frou Frou - 'Must Be Dreaming'

Album: Details

Crank up the cement machine - we've got the first of the many acceptances and approvals we need to start building our castle! Waiting on them to send the parcel of bricks now.

And I've got it bad.

Really bad.

My giddy school-girl's crush. ("Will he call he? Will he not?")

Not yet a school-girl though ...

Not yet.