Daddy Yankee - 'Gasolina'

Album: Barrio Fino

I'd meant to post a reminder-to-self about something that'd seemed to be pretty revelation-ary.

... What was that thought I had again?

Grrr.

Don't you just hate it when you don't get drunk - or even just high - enough to forget you've forgotten to remember?

=/



Hmm ... 'Gasolina'.

Still. Vant. To. Dance. Reggaeton just rocks, lah.

Blog 27 - 'I Still Don't Know Ya'

Album: LOL

Has been an odd sorta day, I think, though not a bad one at all.

Danced with a sexy (yes, Hege was right; he was sexy, in retrospect) bald guy (last event of this loooong day). He was a pretty good dancer, salsa background maybe. Hege speculated he might be Cuban; I don't know any better.

Unfortunately, he and I had different agendas.

As I told Hege, "Just because I find your couch pretty doesn't mean I want to fuck it ..."

I wish I found him attractive though ... =(

Radiohead - 'Creep'

Album: Pablo Honey

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here
I don't belong here

Goddess, this song is So Fucking Emo.

Unfortunately, things are only ever funny when they happen to someone else ...

Radiohead - 'Creep'

Album: Pablo Honey

Had a thought today: I'm not pretty, not smart, definitely not funny, and have no abilities or talent whatsoever to speak of; so exactly what kinda career can I possibly have?

Guess all I want is to find something I like doing, and do it best as I could.

(Also, in reaction to certain ... doctrine ... inculcated since childhood, to strive to be as ugly as I can manage - I don't think that's entirely bizarre at all.)

Maybe I can be a professional wallflower or doormat.

That's a thought ...

Nirvana - 'Come As You Are'

Album: Nevermind

My poor baby ... My heart aches at the sight of her. Wish she didn't have to be sterilized.

And it seems like I have hurt my right wrist.


=...(

Can't something good happen to me?

.
.
.

Or had it, already?

Mz Ann Thropik - 'Off With Your Head'

Album: Sweet Love Beat (Single)

Sometimes, I feel so bad about myself I need to make a change - however small - to feel better about myself.

Like a piercing.

It does make sense.

Ms. John Soda - 'Done Twice'

Album: Drop Scene

Walked right into the bed and the stairs railing yesterday, resulting in extra bruises.

And it's occurred to me that I seem to be always walking into things with my eyes open.

Eyes open - walk into things: Pain - self-inflicted.

At the end of the day, it's all my fault.

Always has been.

Ms. John Soda - 'Sometimes Stop, Sometimes Go'

Album: Notes And The Like

For one prolonged moment at work, I felt it was making me really unhappy.

I think ... There's a lot that I want (in more than one sense), but I just don't know what. I wish I do, but I don't. Why can nobody understand that but me?

Right now, dance is my only escape.

But I really, really, really don't know what else I can do.

Fujiya & Miyagi - 'Transparent Things'

Album: Transparent Things

Okay.

I think, if Auntie Al commented that I looked like I'd lost a lot of weight, it's time to start worrying about the inches.

Grrr. Why is it that the inches around my ass and tits are the first to go, and the ones from my waist never?

I suspect I'd dropped a bra size.

Is worrisome sadness!

=(

Melissa Ferrick - 'Drive'

Album: Freedom.

Everything sounds muffled; can't feel feet; am extremely dehydrated; back hurts from stupid heels.

Strangely enough, it was kinda fun (and funny - but that's another story).

What creatures are human beings who derive pleasure from grinding and humping total strangers to deafening music? I wish they allowed me to be barefooted; woulda been so much nicer dancing if that were the case.

Z-Trip vs. Run Run Run - 'Fade Into You' (Mazzy Star cover)

Album: Endless Winter

Still very, very, very exhausted. And dehydrated.

Wonder how I can back out tonight ... The prospects of spending a high voltage evening in some club is enough to send me into a coma.

What I really want is a nice quiet evening, and twent-four hours of rest.

Shivaree - 'Lost In A Dream'

Album: Who's Got Trouble

So, so, so tired.

Don't feel loved tonight; need a cuddle.

None forthcoming.

=(

Jamie Lidell ft. Jose Gonzales - 'Multiply (In A Minor Key)'

Album: Multiply Additions

I know Hege was absolutely right when she said, "It's not my duty to heal anybody, to make them better ..."; and also when she said, "Life is too short to feel guilty or bad about things ..."

But recognizing a truth intellectually has never meant being able to do it; and the impediment is always a psychic/emotional one.

I think it might be the six formative years spent in a Methodist school from which germinated my propensity for guilt and the obsessive compulsion to atone for all my sins.

There's so much I feel I could learn from her ...

Federico Aubele - 'Esta Noche'

Album: Gran Hotel Buenos Aires

I don't know why it's taken me this long to realize saying 'yes' - making the conscious decision to say 'yes' - means opening myself to different experiences; that, indeed, "To say yes to one instant is to say yes to all of existence." (Otto Hoffman in Waking Life, Richard Linklater, 2001.)

Am I on an accelerated and steep learning curve here?



An hour with my (yes, mine) pole makes all the difference to my least favorite day of the week, the pinnacle of a dreary work week.