Aslam, Blaaze & Naresh Iyer - 'Paathshala (Be A Rebel)'

Album: Rang De Basanti OST

Bathroom duh-lization: you can resolve all you want to be strong, but you'll only know how strong your resolve is when you really have to be strong.

A.R. Rahman, Sunitha Sarathy & Tanvi - 'Fanaa'

Album: Yuva OST

If you started crying while you were eating, whatever you eat will taste of a broken heart and tears.

Even when the rivulets of tears do not run anywhere close to your mouth.

Jomi Massage - 'Undressing Aloud'

No, it's not desire that hurts.

It's not having.

To miss.

Shankar Mahadevan - 'Yenna Solla Pogirai'

Album: Kandukondain Kandukondain OST

I just realized how crazy it is that I try to avoid situations where I'd get hurt when even simply to want hurts so much.



According to the translation I found of the lyrics of this song I suddenly crave:

It takes you only a moment to say no
To bear the hurt
I will have to be born again and again

(The subtitles of the video is slightly different though. It's an awesome picturization, one of my favorites.)

Theme Music (Instrumental)

Album: Yaadein OST

This morning, I finally broke the five-day loop of Z-Trip vs. Run Run Run's cover of Mazzy Star's 'Fade Into You'; I woke up hearing Of Montreal's 'Requiem for O.M.M.2 (United States of Electronica Remix).

Especially "... it's such a burden to carry 'round / the vestiges of dead dreams".

I have to wonder what that could possibly mean in the context of my internal landscape.

Z-Trip vs. Run Run Run - 'Fade Into You' (Mazzy Star cover)

Album: Endless Winter

Is it easier to make changes on the outside and move inwards, or is it easier to work from inside out?

And, is this a egg-chicken conundrum?

Z-Trip vs. Run Run Run - 'Fade Into You' (Mazzy Star cover)

Album: Endless Winter

Yesterday, I wanted a new hair-style, new inkings, new piercings.

Last night, I dreamed I had a pair of piercings, on my pelvic bone.

Suddenly I wonder if I've already begun undergoing metamorphosis, have already started (or completed) the weaving of my gossamer cocoon, and am now waiting, with the rest of the world, to see what will emerge.

Guthur - 'Statements'

Album: Sundet

I told Sajitha 'no' this morning.

I've been second-guessing myself.

Sometimes I feel like my life's the one that's fucked up, who's fucked up. Not me.

Beth Gibbons & Rustin Man - 'Funny Time of Year'

Album: Out Of Seaon

Playing with my ears in the bus, I suddenly felt it was time to get something done - again: ink or bling.

I thought about getting a quickie, something basic, like on the ear; then again, I'd been thinking of ink as a birthday pressie for myself since last year ...



Sometimes I wonder if it might be cheaper if I were into self-multilation. After all, how much can a fucking blade cost? (Not to mention I've refills, man, for my graphic knife.)

Z-Trip vs. Run Run Run - 'Fade Into You' (Mazzy Star cover)

Album: Endless Winter

I woke up hearing Z-Trip's remix of Run Run Run's cover of 'Fade Into You'.

That's a first - wonder what kind of day I'll be having.

R.E.M. - I've Been High

Album: Reveal

I didn't seem to fully wake up today.

I remember only vaguely this morning's dream: Alvina taking me to an island by ferry; a woman keep trying to hint to me she was lesbian, which I already know but avoid admitting.

My dreams have been causing unrestful sleep these days, and zits are appearing on my forehead.

Can I be stressed out and not know it?

Kareena Kapoor & Fardeen Khan - 'Jab Nahin Aaye The Tum'

Album: Dev OST

Dark outside save for the darting fireflies that are headlights and the regimented yet weary parade of street lamps; garishly-lit inside a bus full of strangers: why is it that I never feel lonelier than in the course of a long bus ride, late in the night?

I thought of one who won't mind keeping me company during these long commutes, but immediately ejected from my mind as theirs would never be the company I crave.

Would I really prefer abject loneliness to having someone I don't want?

Udit Narayan & Mahalakshmi Iyer - 'E Ajnabi'

Album: Dil Se OST

I realized tonight I'll never get past the barrier of myself.

Even when they didn't give up and kept on at it, forcing me, both captor and captive, out; not even then.

And I have to wonder why I am so absolutely phobic it - tearing open my chest to reveal in the bloody gaping wound a rhythmically pumping heart.

And if they kept at it, I run for my life - the one I don't have and am not living.

Fujiya & Miyagi - 'Sucker Punch'

Album: Transparent Things

Just when I think I'm okay, someone, something, blindsides me, completely derails me, and I'm careening all over the place.

But it's time I start thinking I'm strong enough to deal with it.

I am, because I have to be.

That's the way life is.

(Blessed Imbolc/Lammas, world. I hope Brigid is watching over the ones slaved to her craft.)