Day #13

Tonight, I sacrificed the kitties (as in not going into the park and be That Crazy Cat Lady^TM). Cuz I felt I wanted — needed — to do this:

And it continues: "If you only feed it solitude and fear, one day it will give up on you." (From my next Read of the Month, Terms & Conditions by Robert Glancy, which I started reading today.)

Day #12

I woke remembering the last vestiges of a dream in which I was trying to get to Berhampore (Wellington, not Bengal) in a horrid lightning storm (it was raining and thundering this dawn). Strange. Wonder what brought that on? I've no connection to Berhampore — except, maybe, vaguely (Shirley now lives there).

Anyway. I think the Kuching trip is on. I was looking forward to it ... until anxiety kicked in. Sigh.

Day #11

Yeah, patterns ... instead I did what I've been thinking of trying out for the past week — see what I could do with hand-writing something for Hazel's cutting.

So: Shakespeare, Rumi, and Blake — all appropriate (if pedestrian) for weddings, I guess?

Hand-writing is really not something I do well at all, and I was never into calligraphy. Jess does it so well though ...

Sigh. Wish I had a clearer and executable plan for that cutting.

Day #10

I nodded off not long after dinner last night — completely knackered. Man, it was only a three-day work week but it was a fucking long one. I think I'm nearly back in the same emotional, physical, and psychological state as I was when I worked in the viper pit. Yes, it's actually very nearly that time.

Or maybe I just need a break?

Two today. Bought a new marker and tested it. Ugh. It bleeds like a Sharpie.

Read of the month: The Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde.

Day #9

Just a small one tonight. Started off okay but finished terrible.

I bought a black 0.5mm pen today and graph paper because I thought I might want to try letters. Maybe this weekend.

Still sad. Prolly the full moon. Sad and fatigued.

Day #8

Two simple ones tonight:

I'm such a dull, unimaginative dolt. Also can't do circles or curves if my life depended on it.

And it feels like such an unproductive day. I don't understand why things are done/decided the way they are at work. I don't understand the reason(s) behind everything, and I'm not sure I even want to understand. If I did understand, then I'd have internalized shit I shouldn't have. And I have already internalized a lot.

... yes, still sad, still don't know why.

Day #7

A few patterns and a cutting today. I cheated with the cutting and used a pencil and ruler for the border and the grid although the pattern itself I did freehand.

Feeling inexplicably melancholic. I think it came on after yesterday's dinner with a few girls from circus (originally pole). Dinner was nice; the company was nice. I don't understand why I feel how I feel. I just hope I'll feel better after lyra tonight.

And back to work tomorrow. Can't say I'm looking forward to that ...