Oh no ...

I need a hug - no, I need hugs tonight.

=(

I think ... at the end of the day, at the end of it all - the root of it is: I'm frustrated.

I think I'm frustrated because time is not moving fast enough, while simultaneously moving too fast, and I'm wasting it when I could be doing some with it, with myself, with my life.

There's gotta be more to life than what I'm making of it now, and I would make all the necessary changes too to get the most out of what I could have - if only I knew what sort of changes ...

Tracy Chapman - 'Give Me One Reason'

Album: New Beginning

Something I figured out in the shower: Even with people you trust and confide in, you have to make sure they hold the same things sacred as you do; otherwise, they will inevitably blurt out something you told them in complete confidence - or so you thought.

It's nobody's fault, I suppose - things just happen.

That being said, I'm back to square one: Ultimately, if you don't want it known, then you shouldn't be telling it to the living.

Doing nothing is so tiring.

Jesus, I gotta snap out of it soon. It's really not "those girls" I think I couldn't, wouldn't trust; it's actually just me, myself.

Peaches - 'I U She'

Album: Fatherfucker



Shit. I feel like a real asshole whenever this happens.

Nine Inch Nails - 'Closer'

Album: Downward Spiral



Wow, it's been a long time since I drank and dirty danced ... and got horny. And to think all I really wanted for this evening was dinner and coffee and dessert at some place quiet.



I blame it on the moon.

Orange And Lemons - 'Let Me'

Album: Moonlane Gardens



Realized today I don't feel like going out on Saturday with Rach only because I don't want to meet new guys (her friends); girls I wouldn't have minded though.

Fuck. If I kept this up, I'd soon be moving among females-only circles - and intellectually, I don't want that to happen.



I feel like such a sap sometimes.

Takako Minakawa - 'Fantastic Cat'

Album: Recubed



Lovely pole prac by my lonesome - I nailed two variations (as demonstrated - albeit, of course, in a whole lot more graceful and effortless manner- by one of my favorite pole girls on youtube ) of an invert!

But then during salsa, I was completely lost doing the basic left turn ... =|

Louis Jordan - 'I Know What I've Got'

Album: Five Guys Named Moe



Man ... I've missed pole practice. It's the only time I am intently focused on something that I consider constructive.

The only other time I'm half as focused is when I play Zuma or Bejeweled - in the office.

(Yes, I'm truly stupid, and getting stupider by the second.)

But, after pole prac, when it's late and I'm tired, man oh man, I miss you so much.

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GET STUFFED - AND QUIT GIVING ME GRIEF EACH AND EVERY FUCKING TIME I TRY TO PUBLISH POST, DAMNIT.

I don't remember how I pass the hours each day in the office.

I think I'm going insane.

Was strange going to bed last night without posting an entry - made me think about self-imposed rules that became habits.

11:49 in office and I've done a little research on a pill I need and booked a room online (still waiting to see if it'll be available).

Life has again flatlined on me. Nurse, defibrillator!

John Mayer - 'Out Of My Mind'

Album: Try! John Mayer Trio Live In Concert



Thought: I won't try to kill myself until I'm really sure that I can't be happy anywhere else in this world.

I suppose that's something that'll take me a lifetime to verify.

Louis Prima, Phil Harris & Bruce Reitherman - 'I Wanna Be Like You'

Album: Jungle Book OST



Lunching today with colleagues, the tables in front of ours were filled with what looked Mosaic backstage crew members. Most of them were male, with various bod-mods, and all were dressed in black tee.

I looked over at them and then back at my colleagues: Worlds apart. Then I looked at myself and felt like Ugly Ducking - except I didn't want to fit in with my colleagues; I wanted to be part of the tables in front.

Hell, I thought, I was even dressed like one of them in my current favorite tee.