Mephisto seemed to be in a good mood today. We had an easy lunch ('easy' by my standards - as opposed to 'stilted' and 'awkward') during which he bantered and referred to my non-existent boyfriend at least three times.

Much easier to nod than remind him I don't in fact have one and don't know why I don't have one, so I did.

Seems like everybody I know is inquiring about my boyfriend, Mr. Right; but when your boss starts 'nagging' you about it ...

Gaaah.

=|

The Frames - 'Star Star (Pure Imagination)'

Album: Set List



I am reverting to form. It's like 2006 all over again.

... can't cry
because the molten lava of my marrow
has been inurned
by a cuirass that's frozen numb

Death Cab for Cutie - 'Your New Twin Size Bed'

Album: Narrow Stairs



Feel extremely discouraged tonight - a good-at-nothing.

Everybody's good for something - even if one's destined (not to be too fatalistic about it however) to be a sounding-board or a doormat - but to be good at something, that, I think, is an entirely different ball game.

I'm good at nothing (except whine and complain, of course).

The Frames - 'Dream Awake'

Album: Burn The Maps



Time to start making lists and plans again. They usually make me feel better, a little happier - more hopeful, perhaps - if only temporarily.

There's something to said about this, I think: One, of course, being something to forward to; two, maybe I do need some sort of structure in my life, even though a fixed routine in the long run will only make me even more miserable.

The Frames - 'Pavement Tune' (live)

Album: Set List



Guess I should stop complaining about how I think the classes are slow and just keep at practising the spins and inverts we were taught.

But the Wednesday prac session makes for a really long day, not to mention, an exhausting Thursday at work.

Feel ... stranded.

Dick Lee - 'Mustapha'

Album: The Mad Chinaman



Attended Jasmine's engagement party at Beer's Bar, had two flutes of champagne and am now dehydrated and dizzy. Guess salad's not that good a stomach-liner. Spent most of the evening discussing pole with Geraldine, and, later, tattoos and piercings with Kimmy who had a corset piercing(!) once upon a time.

Okay, so the evening wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. But, in my not-completely sober state, I'd told Darren I'll have dinner with him. (But how to say no to a request, "May I have the honor of having dinner with you?" without being curt?) Sigh.



I want my baby chick.

Dick Lee - 'Mustapha'

Album: The Mad Chinaman



I LUUUURRRVVE this song. (Wonder if it's still possible to find the album in the stores ...?)

Had been discussing food as pet names when I suddenly remember this song and decided to search for it. Heh, the amount of food used as pet names is astounding - papadum, hum jin pang, puttu mayam, onde onde, and curry puff.

I've got another - my Chih kueh ...

^_^

=( Torn.



I miss my Auntie Al.

The Frames - 'Star Star (Pure Imagination)'

Album: Set List



I know I've been avoiding things - and people - recently (reverting to form prolly) but I'm not quite sure why; things and people being mostly completely different matters.

With regards to the things, as far as I can see it, I'm procrastinating (again).

Why is the first step always so hard?

(Also, for pole, I find myself not daring to do stuff, and thinking myself unable to do stuff - more proof I'm reverting to form?)

=( Am back in my bottomless well of misery.

The sound of you sleeping

I have to say, as I near the end of Another Mother Tongue, I feel myself very much seduced by Grahn's theories and conjectures. Skepticism notwithstanding, I just want to believe it's all true, even if - or especially because - it's too good to be all true.

Wishful thinking ... or thoughtful wish.

The sound of you sleeping

I've just noticed the curious parallel tonight: That is, whenever my Dad is away on a business trip, he and my mother will exchange phone calls - without fail - every day/night he is away; and how you and I are doing almost the same ... except, unlike my mother, I have the happy chance that I sometimes might wake up to you in my ear.

The sound of you sleeping

Do my eyes deceive me? I spotted today in the local papers' movie screenings section a screening of Wilde. Is it a repeat screening? I don't recall seeing it in the papers when it first came out (1997) ... then again, I was a feckless teen, too absorbed with the angst of self-identity, so what do I know, eh?

Have decided to attend Wed's pole prac as faithfully as I could. One, 'cuz pole still tops salsa in my world; and, two, 'cuz I'm just a horrid salsa novice who can't for the life of her follow.

People I don't know well and don't consider friends - in the narrowest and most traditional of senses - shouldn't be sending me strange texts and inviting me to engagement parties.

I just feel weirded out by it all.

Pole was good. I've missed that.

Twenty minutes more and I can officially go home, and it's the weekend. Which means I have pole tomorrow (whee!) and can wake up in the afternoon.

And I just can't fucking wait.

I get it now. It's always better to have something to look forward to than nothing (even when the going's great).