Mika - 'Happy Ending'

Album: Life In Cartoon Motion

I feel so good after a session on the pole. So good.

At work, it was great to be coordinating stuff I could see come together, no matter how slowly. It's just nice to feel like I'm doing something useful for a change.

And then the boss comes along and takes up my time doing shit tasks ("Please print confidentially"). Was so pissed off at him today I felt like giving notice.



... Although I gotta admit, it'd something to do with my being able to call Mephisto up with a legitimate excuse too ...

Abusivo - 'Guidala'

Album: Hip Hop and Reggaeton Revolution

I really wish I knew what is going on.

In my life.

(Please happen. Happen good.)

Am so afraid of the week ahead ...

Yet, at the same time, excited - we have two pole sessions tentatively scheduled.

Aqualung - 'Strange And Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You)'

Album: Still Life

They almost - almost - have me convinced me to call him.

Because work was just an excuse for him.

I'm high, but not that high to believe them.



Not that I don't desperately want to ...

Khia - 'My Neck My Back'

Album: Thug Misses

Was feeling down and downer even as we sped to ADS for our first 'rehearsal'.

So far, the count (straw poll among friends unfortunate enough to be of even vaguely sympathetic disposition and within hearing distance) is three to one that I should give the object of my (insane, totally wrong) puerile infatuation a ring.

I hate it when I'm attracted to someone other than physically: It's always more intense and takes forever to wear off.

Gotta admit - I'm getting pissed off at him ...

Rufus Wainwright - 'Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk'

Album: Poses

I'm alternating between panic attacks and the tantalizing glimpse of the dream I dream. Panic attacks and determination.



Earlier in the evening, I realized how it's so much more satisfying to want something and then make the decision to do that thing - compared to after having done that thing you wanted to do.



I really should stop reading Lolita.

Germ thinks I should ask him out.

Gary Puckett and the Union Gap - 'Young Girl'

Album: Young Girl: The Best of Gary Puckett and the Union Gap

... no, I don't think reading Lolita now is helping my school-girl crush.

Because now I keep thinking, " ... but he's only gonna be thirty years - thirty-five tops - older than me. That isn't a lot - it's just thirty years ..."

.
.
.

But the circumstances under which we met made it so totally inappropriate for me to call him.

How to carpe diem?

(Bag of bricks arrived this evening. Am a little depressed and anxious and excited - I have nowhere to live next year.)

Leo Sayer - 'You Make Me Feel Like Dancing'

Album: Charlie's Angels OST

Oh, oh, oh the package of bricks arrived today.

I want to start building immediately ... but I know it's gonna be a long drawn-out process.

Best start thinking of a topic for Christine now.

Yes, yes, yes!






(And, yup, still nursing that school-girl crush - but less giddily.

Why do I always but always manage to want what I can never get?)

Frou Frou - 'Must Be Dreaming'

Album: Details

Crank up the cement machine - we've got the first of the many acceptances and approvals we need to start building our castle! Waiting on them to send the parcel of bricks now.

And I've got it bad.

Really bad.

My giddy school-girl's crush. ("Will he call he? Will he not?")

Not yet a school-girl though ...

Not yet.

Frou Frou - 'Hear Me Out'

Album: Details

This morning, I read this quote on the tag of my Celestial Seasonings Earl Grey teabag: "Where there's life, there's hope. - Terence"

I'm still alive, I know; therefore, I should still have hope.

Hope.

Sean Kingston - 'Beautiful Girls'

Album: Sean Kingston

The first two people I showed off my newest baby to had polar reactions.

Rach turned away, covering her eyes, shrieking, "Eeeeek!"

(A moment later, she turned back for a second look, apologizing, "Sorry, I freaked out ...")

Jit, however, the very first person who saw my baby, thought it was sexy; in fact, she liked it so much she wanted one ... but "only if I can get anesthesia first!" =/

Just for her positive reaction, I promised to get it on with her the next time we party.

Frou Frou - 'It's Good To Be In Love'

Album: Details

Realization of the day: I want someone who wants me, not someone who couldn't make up their mind or is unsure.

But I currently want someone I don't know wants me the same way I want them or not (I think not), but at least now I know who I'd like to give a lap dance to.



Maybe this will pass soon ...

Frou Frou - 'Ssh'

Album: Details

So I came home, went up to my room, and there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find the sister who told me, "Mom's been asking me if you're lesbian ..."

I nodded, and shut the door.

Am still too enamoured with my newest baby to worry or care.

I know what I'd written before, but I was so down when I left work today (arrivederci, Mephisto), I tumbled straight into the arms of my usual comforter.

Can't wait for him to send me the pic of my (still unnamed) baby!

Doobie Brothers - 'Listen to the Music'

Album: Greatest Hits

I thought I was happy because I was kept so very busy at work, thought (laughably enough) I might be workaholic.

Then I realized ... I'm only not unhappy.

Because I didn't have the time or breath to dwell and linger on it.

Work doesn't make me happy; it only keeps me from thinking.

And when you don't think, you don't feel.

Abra Moore - 'Taking Chances'

Album: No Fear

I feel 'it' has plateaued, although I'm not quite sure what it is. Perhaps a large part of it my life, I think.

And I can't stand it.

No no no no no no, I can't.

But I don't know what to do about it.