Gary Puckett and the Union Gap - 'Young Girl'

Album: Young Girl: The Best of Gary Puckett and the Union Gap

... no, I don't think reading Lolita now is helping my school-girl crush.

Because now I keep thinking, " ... but he's only gonna be thirty years - thirty-five tops - older than me. That isn't a lot - it's just thirty years ..."

.
.
.

But the circumstances under which we met made it so totally inappropriate for me to call him.

How to carpe diem?

(Bag of bricks arrived this evening. Am a little depressed and anxious and excited - I have nowhere to live next year.)

Leo Sayer - 'You Make Me Feel Like Dancing'

Album: Charlie's Angels OST

Oh, oh, oh the package of bricks arrived today.

I want to start building immediately ... but I know it's gonna be a long drawn-out process.

Best start thinking of a topic for Christine now.

Yes, yes, yes!






(And, yup, still nursing that school-girl crush - but less giddily.

Why do I always but always manage to want what I can never get?)

Frou Frou - 'Must Be Dreaming'

Album: Details

Crank up the cement machine - we've got the first of the many acceptances and approvals we need to start building our castle! Waiting on them to send the parcel of bricks now.

And I've got it bad.

Really bad.

My giddy school-girl's crush. ("Will he call he? Will he not?")

Not yet a school-girl though ...

Not yet.

Frou Frou - 'Hear Me Out'

Album: Details

This morning, I read this quote on the tag of my Celestial Seasonings Earl Grey teabag: "Where there's life, there's hope. - Terence"

I'm still alive, I know; therefore, I should still have hope.

Hope.

Sean Kingston - 'Beautiful Girls'

Album: Sean Kingston

The first two people I showed off my newest baby to had polar reactions.

Rach turned away, covering her eyes, shrieking, "Eeeeek!"

(A moment later, she turned back for a second look, apologizing, "Sorry, I freaked out ...")

Jit, however, the very first person who saw my baby, thought it was sexy; in fact, she liked it so much she wanted one ... but "only if I can get anesthesia first!" =/

Just for her positive reaction, I promised to get it on with her the next time we party.

Frou Frou - 'It's Good To Be In Love'

Album: Details

Realization of the day: I want someone who wants me, not someone who couldn't make up their mind or is unsure.

But I currently want someone I don't know wants me the same way I want them or not (I think not), but at least now I know who I'd like to give a lap dance to.



Maybe this will pass soon ...

Frou Frou - 'Ssh'

Album: Details

So I came home, went up to my room, and there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find the sister who told me, "Mom's been asking me if you're lesbian ..."

I nodded, and shut the door.

Am still too enamoured with my newest baby to worry or care.

I know what I'd written before, but I was so down when I left work today (arrivederci, Mephisto), I tumbled straight into the arms of my usual comforter.

Can't wait for him to send me the pic of my (still unnamed) baby!

Doobie Brothers - 'Listen to the Music'

Album: Greatest Hits

I thought I was happy because I was kept so very busy at work, thought (laughably enough) I might be workaholic.

Then I realized ... I'm only not unhappy.

Because I didn't have the time or breath to dwell and linger on it.

Work doesn't make me happy; it only keeps me from thinking.

And when you don't think, you don't feel.

Abra Moore - 'Taking Chances'

Album: No Fear

I feel 'it' has plateaued, although I'm not quite sure what it is. Perhaps a large part of it my life, I think.

And I can't stand it.

No no no no no no, I can't.

But I don't know what to do about it.

Nine Inch Nails - 'Eraser'

Album: The Downward Spiral

I realized I've started spending the money I'd been saving towards building my castle; it's almost as if subconsciously I've already known for a fact the castle wouldn't be built and gave up all hope.

But it's just occurred to me that it's time to let go, so I can truly start anew.

Even if what I gotta let go and what I'm looking forward to and desire are almost the same thing.

Almost.

Gotta give up the dream I dreamed for the one I want to start dreaming.

I Am Kloot - 'Proof'

Album: I Am Kloot

I need something more.

.
.
.

If only I knew what.

Diana King - 'Shy Guy'

Album: Bad Boys OST

I just remembered her telling me how she liked this song when we were fourteen. A little strangely enough, I woke up hearing this song in my head, wondering why.

Ohhh ... she's pregnant and engaged; wish I could give her a big, big hug.

I do wonder sometimes if I tended to be drawn to girls who are a lot like her after meeting her, because she's just ... everything.

Like she'd set the benchmark or something.

The second girl I followed after (the first being Lizard), but ... the first girl, first woman, in everything else.

k.d. lang - 'Sexuality'

Album: All You Can Eat

It's occurred to me that I want - need - to be seduced.






By Aphrodite, if I could have it my way.

Hector El Father - 'Esta Noche De Travesura'

Album: Hip Hop and Reggaeton Revolution

We found the fuck-you boots today, Jit and I! Black shiny PVC with stiletto heels!

I feel they're changing me, the girls; not certain at all the change is a positive one, but ... I seem to be enjoying myself, so for once I'm gonna fuck it and just live it up while it lasts.

Pole sessions on temporary hiatus 'til we find a new studio, I now have the exotic dance performance team rehearsals to look forward to.

And a pole/exotic/strip/lap dance "boot camp".



Somehow, though, I know it's so wrong to be blinkered by all these ...