Nine Inch Nails - 'Eraser'

Album: The Downward Spiral

I realized I've started spending the money I'd been saving towards building my castle; it's almost as if subconsciously I've already known for a fact the castle wouldn't be built and gave up all hope.

But it's just occurred to me that it's time to let go, so I can truly start anew.

Even if what I gotta let go and what I'm looking forward to and desire are almost the same thing.

Almost.

Gotta give up the dream I dreamed for the one I want to start dreaming.

I Am Kloot - 'Proof'

Album: I Am Kloot

I need something more.

.
.
.

If only I knew what.

Diana King - 'Shy Guy'

Album: Bad Boys OST

I just remembered her telling me how she liked this song when we were fourteen. A little strangely enough, I woke up hearing this song in my head, wondering why.

Ohhh ... she's pregnant and engaged; wish I could give her a big, big hug.

I do wonder sometimes if I tended to be drawn to girls who are a lot like her after meeting her, because she's just ... everything.

Like she'd set the benchmark or something.

The second girl I followed after (the first being Lizard), but ... the first girl, first woman, in everything else.

k.d. lang - 'Sexuality'

Album: All You Can Eat

It's occurred to me that I want - need - to be seduced.






By Aphrodite, if I could have it my way.

Hector El Father - 'Esta Noche De Travesura'

Album: Hip Hop and Reggaeton Revolution

We found the fuck-you boots today, Jit and I! Black shiny PVC with stiletto heels!

I feel they're changing me, the girls; not certain at all the change is a positive one, but ... I seem to be enjoying myself, so for once I'm gonna fuck it and just live it up while it lasts.

Pole sessions on temporary hiatus 'til we find a new studio, I now have the exotic dance performance team rehearsals to look forward to.

And a pole/exotic/strip/lap dance "boot camp".



Somehow, though, I know it's so wrong to be blinkered by all these ...

Arash ft. Rebecca - 'Temptation'

Album: Arash

Fuck.

Can't sleep.

No pole session tomorrow as studio has been sold.

There was this woman who was on the same flights to and fro: Very strongly attractive; and I couldn't stop looking at her.

I wonder if she recognized me - or at least my Birkies - the second time round ...

Erma Franklin - 'Take A Little Piece Of My Heart'

Album: The Very Best of the Blues

Every time I fly (back) into Singabloodypore, it's a confirmation of how this place really, really sucks, which is why, whenever a (non-Singaporean) friend asks what Singapore has to offer to a tourist, I'd be stumped.

I think my favorite buy of this trip - the first in more than six months(!) - would be a (secondhand) copy of Early Erotic Photography for just SGD 8!



Don't dare to think what awaits me in the office on Monday ... =(

Mama Cass Elliot - 'Dream A Little Dream'

Album: The Best of the Mamas and the Papas

Well.

Soon to be off for most of the week, and packing's a bitch. I keep thinking I'm going to Bangkok (I'm not), which is pretty strange.

It is inertia alone that keeps me in one place.

Daddy Yankee - 'Gasolina'

Album: Barrio Fino

I'd meant to post a reminder-to-self about something that'd seemed to be pretty revelation-ary.

... What was that thought I had again?

Grrr.

Don't you just hate it when you don't get drunk - or even just high - enough to forget you've forgotten to remember?

=/



Hmm ... 'Gasolina'.

Still. Vant. To. Dance. Reggaeton just rocks, lah.

Blog 27 - 'I Still Don't Know Ya'

Album: LOL

Has been an odd sorta day, I think, though not a bad one at all.

Danced with a sexy (yes, Hege was right; he was sexy, in retrospect) bald guy (last event of this loooong day). He was a pretty good dancer, salsa background maybe. Hege speculated he might be Cuban; I don't know any better.

Unfortunately, he and I had different agendas.

As I told Hege, "Just because I find your couch pretty doesn't mean I want to fuck it ..."

I wish I found him attractive though ... =(

Radiohead - 'Creep'

Album: Pablo Honey

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here
I don't belong here

Goddess, this song is So Fucking Emo.

Unfortunately, things are only ever funny when they happen to someone else ...

Radiohead - 'Creep'

Album: Pablo Honey

Had a thought today: I'm not pretty, not smart, definitely not funny, and have no abilities or talent whatsoever to speak of; so exactly what kinda career can I possibly have?

Guess all I want is to find something I like doing, and do it best as I could.

(Also, in reaction to certain ... doctrine ... inculcated since childhood, to strive to be as ugly as I can manage - I don't think that's entirely bizarre at all.)

Maybe I can be a professional wallflower or doormat.

That's a thought ...

Nirvana - 'Come As You Are'

Album: Nevermind

My poor baby ... My heart aches at the sight of her. Wish she didn't have to be sterilized.

And it seems like I have hurt my right wrist.


=...(

Can't something good happen to me?

.
.
.

Or had it, already?

Mz Ann Thropik - 'Off With Your Head'

Album: Sweet Love Beat (Single)

Sometimes, I feel so bad about myself I need to make a change - however small - to feel better about myself.

Like a piercing.

It does make sense.