Seether ft. Amy Lee - 'Broken'

Album: Disclaimer

Feels like a long day - for one that only actually began around 12 noon.

Have to think about other things tonight; now.

Hege sounded so, so, so terribly sad when she said, "When people hear you're a dancer, they just think you're a prostitute. People think I'm a Russian hooker."

Me and sadness ...

But she has fight. Which is a good thing. I think I've been trying to cultivate that.

Hege's got a new haircut. I feel like taking that as a sign that I should get mine too.

The Killers - 'Read My Mind'

Album: Sam's Town

Come Monday, I will print out the application form and work on it.

Yes, I will.

And I will be patient.

रूप कुमार राठोड़ - 'खामोश रात'

Album: थक्षक OST

Am getting quite worried about all the uptime I'm having; I worry about all the downtime I'd have to pay back for it.

Yet, every time I feel myself falling, I pull myself back up; disallow myself to fall further.

Joyce was right: Wretched misery and desperate depression are my comfort zone. It feels weird not to be there.

But I guess it feels pretty good, too.



लेकिन ... यह सच है या सपना?

Ani DiFranco - 'In or Out'

Album: Being Out Rocks

Oh no!

Aileen's four-day transit in Singapore will clash with Indignation 2007.

Am torn between her and attending the events that I am itching to ...

Sadness.

Bad-timingytis strikes me again.

=(

Stentorian - 'Fancy Girl'

Album: Stentorian (EP) [MySpace]

Had an unpleasant realization just now. I'll save it till Monday - when it'd prolly be confirmed.

Still no news from Christine or Geoff. The Ganesha I'd set atop my monitor doesn't seem to be helping ... =(

(Be. Patient.)

Maybe a new quest? For the two books I'd lusted after since 2004: Klaeber's 1950 edition of Beowulf and the Fight at Finnsburg and Brodeur's The Art of Beowulf.

They're just two of the long list of reasons I gotta get back to Welly ...

Pulp - 'Like A Friend'

Album: Great Expectations OST

You are the dream I never should have caught
You are the cut that makes me hide my face
You are the party that makes me feel my age
Like a car crash I can see but I just can't avoid
Like a plane I've been told I never should board
Like a film that's so bad but I've got to stay till the end ...

Funny how that comes after the thesis of the song:

I've done this before
And I will do it again
Come on and kill me baby
While you smile like a friend
Oh and I'll come running
Just to do it again

Am addicted ...

All over again. =)

Pulp - 'Like A Friend'

Album: Great Expectations OST

(Be. Patient.)

No emails today from Christine or Geoff. Am finding it terribly hard to wait idly. Thought about making another process list, this time with dates and deadlines, working backwards.

Text from Hege today, prolly the brightest bit of my day:

hi babes, on tuesdays and thursdays 2.30-3.30 pm we can practice pole dancing at beavers at [...]

Joy! Pole dancing!

The Cranberries - 'Dreams'

Album: Animal Instinct

Have to keep reminding myself: Be. Patient.

Because if it should seem bad now, it'd be much worse later.

Because it's always when you're just - just - within reaching distance, fingertips glancing the shiny red skin of the apple, its refreshing sweet scent teasing your nostrils, that even a fraction of a milimeter would be light years away, and it would take several lifetimes - or never - to have it in your grasp.

For some, this may be 'relativity'; for me, it's merely किस्मत.

إن شاء الله, I will dream again.

Tracy Chapman - 'Give Me One Reason'

Album: New Beginnings

Emailed Christine today. For all I know, this could be just a tiny baby step in Sisyphus' upward schlep.

But: One step at a time.

Feel oddly ... incomplete today - stranded? aground? - maybe I'm going for 'stalled'; like I'm supposed to be going somewhere but got stuck in traffic, in a jam so wretched nothing's moving, least of all not me.

I fear men in power (as foretold) would have their hands in the manipulation the course of my river's flow.

Death Cab For Cutie - 'I Will Follow You Into The Dark'

Album: Plans

In the bathroom just now, I reframed my question from another perspective. Instead of thinking about a possible career/job option, I thought: How do I wanna give back to society.

The short of it (reflexive): I don't, not really, because I don't particularly like society.

But then I remembered the wonderful people - strangers - who'd helped me, some without even being asked, who'd touched my life, and I just knew I wanted to be like them: I want to help people; perhaps emotionally, maybe spiritually.

I think I should be a tarot card reader, or the like.

=)

The White Stripes - 'I Don't Know What To Do With Myself' (cover)

Album: Elephant

I want a haircut. With bangs.

And I know I'll regret it.

29^th July. Bye-bye ... something. (Illusion of hope? Desperate wild final grasp at anything that could save/help me?)

.
.
.

Exactly just what is my dream?

लता मंगेशकर - 'चलते चलते'

Album: पकीज़ाह OST

Throat sore. I don't know how or why. =(

Rewatched bits of मुग़ल-ए आज़म and all of पकीज़ाह today. Felt like a good day for melodrama in gorgeous dress.

I love Meena Kumari, the overwhelming sorrow and tragedy she wore in her aura, her tearfully-breaking voice.

Sadness always steals my heart; I don't know why. I give my heart to sadness and it hands me back a pulpy, bloody mess, beyond recognition, perhaps beyond repair: There is such a thing as "asking for it".

Must watch myself these full moon nights. Be aware. Beware.

The Doors - 'Break on Through (To the Other Side)'

Album: Forrest Gump OST

Mental note: Empty black sesame seeds into canal tomorrow night; visit temple and offer milk to Durga on the night of the full moon.

Well.

I did get what I wanted, didn't I? To be the moon, not the sun?

Be careful what you wish for, indeed ...

=(

Jarvis Cocker - 'Black Magic'

Album: Jarvis

They have absolutely no sympathy for me, my girlfriends - and they think I'm gullible, have been lied to, cheated, and molested.

How can they not have any sympathy for me?!

=/

Then again, when was the last time I was laughing till I wept?

Right - the last time we had dinner together.

I love my girlfriends (even if they have no sympathy for me)!

Love you both! =)