Lisa Loeb - 'Stay'

Album: Tails

I've just taken Chāyā out.

Couldn't stay her, try as I might.

Am reminded now of the countdown I'd forgotten - for Narik.

k.d. lang - 'Season Of Hollow Soul'

Album: Ingénue

Ingénue is on repeat tonight.

Says a lot about my current state.

Earlier tonight, I made the correlation between how I used to 'choose' a pet and how I've, up to now, been 'choosing' my partners - thanks to Doggie.

May the latter follow the way of the former.

Fat Freddy's Drop - 'Flashback'

Album: Based On A True Story

Most exasperating conversation so far ...

Not I:"... like I said, the two of us should try it out, lah."

I: "WHAT?! I'm bloody insulted!"

Not I:"WHAT?! You should feel honored! I'm being noble here, okay?!"

I: "Fuck you! If I wanted to date an MCP, I'd've gone out with a guy!"

... but also quite funny.

In retrospect.

Radiohead - 'Creep'

Album: Pablo Honey

I wake up not feeling anything but tired, but come evening, I'm a crushed paper-ball of wretchedness.

I'd like to put it down to not having had a crush in nearly seventeen months, but that's silly.

Yet not silly enough to be haha-funny.

Wir Sind Helden - 'Die Nacht'

Album: Die Reklamation

Squeee! Thank you so very much!

Tum bhi mere hero ho!

I will now venerate the ground on which you tread and where your shadow falls!

Mary Coughlan - 'Hearts'

Album: The Best

I will work hard to not disappoint my dad and my self.

But, sometimes, there are expectations and there are unrealistic expectations - what may be realistic to one might not be to another.

How does one go about avoiding disappointing and disappointments?

Melissa Etheridge - 'I Will Never Be The Same'

Album: Yes I Am

I got really pissed off initially and wanted to not go altogether. But I went, all by myself - and that, I think, made it a real first (baby) step towards change.

I was glad I went, but now I'm feeling incredibly low and misanthropic.

Because there really is nobody in the world who'll be truly dependable.

People'll let you down all the time - if you gave them half a chance.

A. R. Rahman - 'Mera Yaar Mila De'

Album: Saathiya OST

Sometimes I think I save up all my talking - accumulate it - and then splurge it all at a go.

Like tonight.

Although, like Jason pointed out on Wednesday night, we do tend to revisit particular topics time and again in the past decade or so.

With her, there's just this one major thing we talk about again and again and again ...

Asha Bhosle & Kishore Kumar - 'Jane Jan Dhoondta Hun'

Album: Jawani Diwani OST (1972)

Why is it so difficult to find a pair of heels with ankle-straps that I like?

And I know what I like and am looking for: ever since I was a little girl, after watching Dirty Dancing, I'd desired the silver dance shoes Jennifer Grey wore.

And now that I have an excuse to buy them - they're evading my efforts to find them.

Argh.

Jeremy Enigk - 'Been Here Before'

Album: World Waits

Left the office at 17:00 with books to drop off at the library. Inexplicably, I felt like some socializing, so I texted Germ for a lark, asking if he was available for dinner.

Kudos for the boys for their spontaneity. It was nice to be the Unholy Trinity for awhile again tonight.

Natural Calamity - 'And That's Saying A Lot' [Natural Calamity Alt Remix]

Album: Cafe Ibiza, The Terrace

What's worse than being completely dried out, scribbles-wise?

Not giving a damn that you're completely dried out, scribbles-wise.

Duran Duran - 'Come Undone'

Album: Duran Duran

I don't if I'm plain tired, or low - low blood sugar, low biorhythm(s), spirits ...

But the lowest of all: my heart.

Nazareth - 'Love Hurts'

Album: Hair of the Dog

I'm tasting a curious blend of vague anticipation and faint dread.

So many things I've been wishing for, so many things I'd hoped for - and more disappointments than I can remember or articulate.

I need me a little magick ...

Tomorrow.

Bud Light Presents - 'Real Men of Genius: Mr. Kiss-Me-I'm-Irish Pin Wearer'

The only reminder I got of Saint Paddy's day was seeing a few guys wearing green top hats on the streets.

Since yesterday, I've felt like my birthday celebrations have begun - a weekend long affair of shameless self-indulgence.

Julie Delphy - 'An Ocean Apart'

Album: Before Sunset/Before Sunset OST

Breithlá sona duit, you.

I hope you had a birthday toast, but if you didn't, it's okay - Jen and I made one in your name, for your birthday.



Buhh.

I'm definitely inebriated.

Hole - 'Retard Girl'

Album: My Body, The Hand Grenade

Revelation of the day:

How do I know if I'm having a crush?

When she makes me laugh every time we're together, and I desperately want to make her laugh.

Because I just love listening to her laugh.

Chad VanGaalen - 'Clinically Dead'

Album: Infiniheart

Bah.

Wednesday is my least favorite day of the week.

It's like the pinnacle of the hill of the week. By the time I get up there, I'm ready to just close my eyes and roll back down.

I feel like my life is moving again.

It's a good thing.

Ornob - 'Shey Je Boshe Ache'

I feel like I'm getting things done today - or, at least, get my act together.

But I seem to like to cram everybody and everything into one day, if possible; and if I overextend/book myself, it feels like I'm such a screw-up.

I've decided to get the confirmation I need.

The shoe falls 31^st March 2007.

Hopefully.

Johnny Cash - 'Hurt' (Nine Inch Nails cover)

Album: American IV: The Man Comes Around

I have this painfully bad feeling Chāyā will leave me before Narik.

Sonu Nigam - 'Kal Ho Naa Ho'

Album: Kal Ho Naa Ho OST

Last week: a new piercing, my first eye-brow threading; this week: a new haircut.

If she does come along, I hope my hair stylist will convince her the hairstyle she's visualizing on me will not suit me. At all.

A. R. Rahman & Shweta Shetty - 'Mangta Hai Kya'

Album: Rangeela OST

It doesn't feel like a bad thing that, through a developing interest in body modification and art (or, modification is art), I'm learning to question why I feel or react to certain things - such things and reactions I'd hitherto pejoratively brushed off as 'crazy' or 'dumb' without knowing or caring why, neither understanding nor desiring to understand.

Brad Kane & Lea Salonga - 'A Whole New World'

Album: Aladdin OST

In primary school, I'd struggled with the concept of: "A square may be a rectangle, but a rectangle cannot be a square"; but, you know, it wasn't at all difficult to comprehend what'd I suddenly realized perusing ModBlog: "A mutilation may be a modification, but a modification is never a mutilation."



Kiran the Second makes me feel more special than Chaya; it's like when I first had Kiran (the first) all over again.

Betty - 'A Typical Love'

Album: Lesbian Favorites: Women Like Us

The triple significance of this day: Thurday (in black), International Women's Day, and the tenth-month anniversary of Kiran.

So in celebration, I got Kiran ... the second. She currently resides beneath Chaya.

I will show her off as much as I can. Her survival is 50-50.

Jane Siberry - 'Temple'

Album: Lesbian Favorites: Women Like Us

What a happy coincidence that International Women's Day falls on a Thursday; it makes it especially meaningful for me to don black this morning, as I've always done since finding out about Thurdays In Black. (See also: Amnesty International)

She asked (or remarked): "You remembered ..."

Of course. Partly because of her, I will never forget.

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - 'Red Right Hand'

Album: The Best of Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

I feel unhinged.

Too little to do, too little time; too much time, too much that I want to do.

And, Goddess, I can't stop watching Shy's lap dance.

Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - 'Red Right Hand'

Album: The Best of Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Ask me right now what I really want to do.

Ask me if I'm a hundred percent sure about it.

Ready?



All right: as of now, I'm three hundred percent sure I wanna learn to pole-dance, lap-dance, and strip to Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds' 'Red Right Hand'.

Shivaree - 'I Will Go Quietly'

Album: Who's Got Trouble?

Two coffees (three sugars each) and a whole Mars bar put me in an almost-surreal frame of mind.

Or, rather, out of my mind.

I'm so sleepy; yet, I also feel so jumpy, in an out-of-body way.

I feel like I'm trundling, downward roller coaster, into self-destruction.

Miyazawa - 'Uchina Ni Furu Yuki'

Album: The Very Best of the Far East

I'm making plans again - an exercise in futility.

From getting inked to getting pierced on my birthday, I'm downgrading to a haircut.

And here I thought I'd always refused to accept compromises in my life ... I must be getting older.

Yet, I'll never be as young as I am now. Somehow this thought makes me feel sad.

eluvium - 'i will not forget that i have forgotten'

Album: when i live by the garden and the sea

In the bus, somehow my train of thoughts arrived at an unexpected station where an announcement could be heard: "... what happened to your dream of achieving an M.A. in English ...?"

And suddenly I was hurting and miserable.

It seemed that I must've been unconsciously avoiding that topic all this while, being deliberately forgetful.

I must not forget that I have forgotten.

Raza Jaffrey & Preeya Kalidas - 'Are You Sure You Want To Be Famous'

Album: Bombay Dreams OST

Out of the blue this morning, I thought of two alternative paths to my current job and my current daydream of being a writer: one, henna artist; and, two, tarot card-reader.

Oh I think I definitely wanna read tarot cards for a living; I wanna be "Madame Sosostris, famous clairvoyante".

Kailash Kher - 'Allah Ke Bandhe'

Album: Waisa Bhi Hota Hai Part II OST

Some girls have in their wardrobes clothes and shoes they bought but never wore.

Me, I have in my wardrobe's drawers Hindi DVDs and VCDs I bought but never watched.

I only realized today I'd bought My Brother Nikhil close to two years ago and completely forgetten about it, never mind watch it. I almost bought another copy today ...