B for Beastly

God, my Bs are hideous. Yuck.

And one practice A from last night:

But I'll take heart from Jess's words; I'll practise. Hopefully I'll get better.

Handwriting Practice

Goodness, it's almost the end of the month and I've still not finished The Little Old Lady who Broke All the Rules. It's just way too easy to stop reading the damn book — I just don't find it that engaging.

Anyway. No cutting, just doing an 'A'. I feel like I need a larger piece of paper (I guess I could write smaller too). I confused myself doing those swashes (which is why it's so scrunched up and lopsided.

Classes start next Monday. I'm a little excited, more nervous and anxious.

"Happily Ever After"

I think it might've been Emily who'd suggested offhandedly "happily ever after". And why not?

A very rough draft of what I had in mind (then went over it shakily with a pen). I still need to work on my swashes which I'm terrible at. Basically, handwriting is not my thing, but yet I find it sorta fun — quite ironically because of: swashes.

I'll prolly keep the heart shape. The H I was pleased with initially but now feel it looks out of proportion and unbalanced. There could be more I could do with the ps too. I mean, double p — a ligature maybe? And my descenders are always so shitty too. Sigh.

Papercut #2

On sick leave yesterday (food poisoning) and requested for urgent leave today because I simply don't feel like I'd be able to cope with eight and a half hours at work. Still zero appetite; subsisting on water and sweetened soy milk.

So, with today off, I pretended I made things for a living ... and realized I couldn't do it — I took too long to make something that looks too terrible.

First draft on graph paper in pencil then traced over with a pen.

Thought process: "Why not make a cutting?" So pencil on A4 drawing block, then traced over with a marker. Brain asked, "Why not add flourishes to surround the word?"

"YIKES. Word drowned in flourishes ..." =(

Do over in pencil:

Changed my mind about a small flourish ...

Traced with pen then marker. (Why? Heaven only knows ...) Commence cutting:

Done:

Conclusion: looks wonky and therefore ugly. (Plus spacing between letters is CRAP!!) But what's done is done. Dare I mount this as a gift for Hazel on Friday?

Round & Round ... Papercut #1

Should I embark on this — 30 Papercuts?

Today's lunch topic was travel. Everywhere my parents, my aunt and her husband, and my cousin and her husband, has gone. Everybody's traveling but me. Then again, it's my fault. I'm too scared to travel alone.

The feature article in the lifestyle papers today was on local crafts-people. There was a young girl who fucking owns her own letterpress! How fucking awesomely cool is that?! I wish so hard I could be one of them — making beautiful things for a living.

Anyway. As I was cutting this pattern this morning, I suddenly thought to hand-write something for Hazel (the first stanza from 'The Clod and the Pebble'), something script-y with ball terminals (like the pattern I was cutting), A4-sized. (Not by this Friday, of course.) Hm. We'll see how that goes ...

Day #30

And so, not with a bang but a pathetic fizz.

I did this with the express purpose of cutting. This morning, I sat down and wondered what I was gonna do for today's pattern(s) and suddenly thought I'd like very much to cut. And so this thing, which hopefully I'll get to cut tomorrow.

While walking Doggie I gave a poor woman who approached us for direction the WRONG directions. NOT THE FIRST TIME EITHER. Fuck, I suck at this. I've absolutely NO FUCKING SENSE OF DIRECTION whatsoever. I should resolve to NEVER give directions ever again. =(

Day #29

Second last day.

Even though I got the day off today (medical leave, which let me finally get my back x-rays done!), I didn't do much by way of doodling cuz I was completely outta juice. And bored.

Okay. I gotta admit to not making time to focus on doodling because I just started on Penny Dreadful which is just fucking awesome. Finished four episodes today; can't wait for the next! (Personally, I think Dorian Gray should've been played by the guy playing Frankenstein. My first choice would've been Jude Law — I might just be influenced by the casting for Wilde.)

Day #28

I did one in the office this morning — surreptitiously, of course — because I was nodding off with my marking. Indecisive people make terrible markers and graders ... =(

The pen I was using went wonky towards the end and I had to switch to a pen of a different blue.

I also thought I should try a more scattered sort of pattern so I did one when I got home. Don't like how it looks though. It feels ... sorta abrupt and incomplete.

Day #27

It's occurred to me that my lethargy these couple of weeks could be due to my going back to overdosing on sugary foods (it started because the sister brought home with her all the cookies and crepes and spreads from France), and I'm also drinking more and more instant milky coffee.

Anyway. I feel like I've been neglecting my kitties too; haven't been the Crazy Cat Lady™ regularly.

Managed to actually finish an A5 sheet tonight after Stretch & Core.

Day #26

So, this was what I started yesterday:

Today, I remembered Hazel's cutting. ARGH. Haven't. Done. Shit. Wonder if I could come up with something quick and dirty for next Friday ... ARGH.

(But this sort of stress I actually don't mind.)

I didn't forget to do a pattern; I just didn't have time to finish the one I started before leaving for dinner with an old friend and her baby.

Wish I had her drive and strong sense of direction. Meanwhile, I'm still waffling about looking for a new job and getting angry at/about work.

Maybe I just don't handle stress well.

But it seems like whenever my manager's not in the office, I rage less frequently.

Day #25

Just five more days left in 30 Days of Patterns. Not sure whether I'll continue with patterns doodling or not. Time, discipline ... not my strong suit.

I like the borders. I think if it's neater and more uniform, the movement and dance of the border pattern would be more obvious.

Day #24

After Yin yoga today, in the locker room, I overheard two girls complaining about how Yin yoga is too slow and that one of them even fell asleep. Girls! Those are features, not bugs!

I've been very briefly considering doing the Hair for Hope thing. It's been so warm and humid these few months that shaving my hair off sounds totally logical. The only thing holding me back is ... well, I'm not brave enough to be naked that way.

Borrowed Romeo + Juliet and Now You See Me for the weekend. Now You See Me was a sorta decent movie until the ending. As much as I love Mélanie Laurent, her character feels like an afterthought that serves only as eye candy. And the ending was lazy and completely clichéd. The Sixth Sense did it so much better.

Anyway. Finally made the frozen banana soft serve thingy (two frozen 'nanas + one tbsp honey-roasted peanut butter + one tbsp unsweetened cocoa). It was decent, I guess ...

The patterns I doodle are getting really crappy and boring.

Day #23

Not gonna complain about work tonight. Nope. Cuz, hey, THANK FUCKING GOD IT'S FUCKING FRIDAY!!!

I find the 0.5 pens a little too thick I think for some of the patterns I'm doing. Not sure whether I should get 0.3 or 0.1 pens. And maybe in more colors?

Day #22

This week is ... ugh. Yesterday I actually opened one of three packets of cookies I have in the office — one of the two packets of the ToffeePops. That's when I know I'm not dealing with this week well. I offered Debby some but she said she's on a diet. We got to chatting and she told me her new tattoo idea and recommended that I think about my next one (instead of ruining my body with crappy over-processed snacks).

But I'm out of ideas. My brain is exhausted. And my patterns are like petering out, just one per day lately. But, to be fair, it does take quite a bit of time to finish one, even if it's only an A6-sized sheet of paper.

Day #21

Every hour that I'm at work, I can't stand it, want to sabotage myself. Because fuck all these last minute shit. Seriously. They should all go fuck themselves and burn in the stinky hell fire.

Last minute. Because nobody's time bloody matters, not the least a lowly minion.

Day #20

So tired after two classes today I decided to skip aerials class. Sigh. Yes, only two classes (four hours and around 70 kids in total) and I'm beat. Teenagers are so draining ...

Added a little more stuff to yesterday's pattern and did a small (A6) one for today. Pftttt.

I think I finally did it — memorized the entire balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet (Oxford World's Classics, 2000). I decided to do it after watching Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet in 1997 (or thereabouts). For the longest time, the bit after "But to be frank and give it thee again ..." eluded me; then, last week, I could suddenly regurgitate most of it. So, yay ... I guess?

Day #19

I think I have this 30 Days of Patterns thing to thank for my noticing patterns every day and everywhere, whether it's the pavement, or someone's dress, or laptop sleeve, or the wall ..., etc. But I suppose, ultimately, I have Emily to thank for the patterns thing. I don't think I'd been into patterns so much before; also, Naïve: Modernism and Folklore in Contemporary Graphic Design is just so, so, so awesome.

This one I started last night after posting the two I did but I still didn't manage to finish it tonight. And it's only an A5 sheet! I'll try to finish it tomorrow night, after tomorrow's pattern, if possible.

Day #18

Ever woke up thinking you've had hell lotta dreams only to not remembering any of it? (Well, okay, maybe I remember trying real hard to look for a hospital or something ... for a job interview or whatever, not a medical emergency.)

Started the day Skyping with Rach, just to catch up a little, which was really nice. It's hilarious how whenever the camera was turned on, we both thought we were looking at ourselves only to realized it was each other we were looking at! The thing is, we don't even look alike!

Anyway. Just two today. Between prepping and cooking this week's lunches and going out to buy a food processor (yay! Finally got one! My frozen banana slices could be turned into a vegan soft serve soon!), two were all I could do. Still fascinated by henna tattoo motifs ...

Day #17

Some kid waved his hand in front of my face as I was waiting for the elevator today. Turned out that he was in a workshop I ran for his class. It didn't freak me out nor was it awkward, but I still wish my job would let me be less visible.

Still trying to figure out henna tattoo motifs and designs.

Day #16

What a lovely night with the kitties! Christopher was already waiting for me at the park and jogged briskly over as soon as he spotted me. Poor little dude, he must be hungry. Sam and Obie were up to their usual antics — lotsa chasing and prancing around. On my way home, Fernando (who could've been the inspiration for Bustopher Jones) was lounging by the kerb, a couple doors down from his home. He actually ran to me. (Well, ran as quickly and well as a really fat cat could ...) Poor Fernando, he must be so lonely after Muumuu died. He was so affectionate tonight when he is usually quite shy and scaredy.

So I spent more time with the kitties than I did effort with this pattern. If it could even be called a pattern ...

I was looking at henna tattoo designs but I couldn't seem to master the motifs.

Day #15

And, quite suddenly, I don't seem to be on downtime anymore. I can't figure it out — what brings about downtime and what did exactly did I do (or not do) to make the downtime fade away?

Anyway. This one's A5 and it took quite awhile I must say. Only because I kept getting stumped as to what other patterns I could put in.

The manager presented the proposed blueprints for the renovations. Note to self: You gotta fucking leave before the renovation commences.

Anywhere but here.

Day #14

Terms & Conditions is great. It's funny and yet has lines that have such gravitas (to me, at least) and, at times, even quite perfectly describe the ... insides. Like:

... it transpired that my happiness was nitroglycerin. Clear and stable as long as everything was utterly calm. But shake it just a bit — and it exploded.

Anyway. Another quote tonight which I thought was both discomfitingly hilarious and miserably true:

Day #13

Tonight, I sacrificed the kitties (as in not going into the park and be That Crazy Cat Lady^TM). Cuz I felt I wanted — needed — to do this:

And it continues: "If you only feed it solitude and fear, one day it will give up on you." (From my next Read of the Month, Terms & Conditions by Robert Glancy, which I started reading today.)

Day #12

I woke remembering the last vestiges of a dream in which I was trying to get to Berhampore (Wellington, not Bengal) in a horrid lightning storm (it was raining and thundering this dawn). Strange. Wonder what brought that on? I've no connection to Berhampore — except, maybe, vaguely (Shirley now lives there).

Anyway. I think the Kuching trip is on. I was looking forward to it ... until anxiety kicked in. Sigh.

Day #11

Yeah, patterns ... instead I did what I've been thinking of trying out for the past week — see what I could do with hand-writing something for Hazel's cutting.

So: Shakespeare, Rumi, and Blake — all appropriate (if pedestrian) for weddings, I guess?

Hand-writing is really not something I do well at all, and I was never into calligraphy. Jess does it so well though ...

Sigh. Wish I had a clearer and executable plan for that cutting.

Day #10

I nodded off not long after dinner last night — completely knackered. Man, it was only a three-day work week but it was a fucking long one. I think I'm nearly back in the same emotional, physical, and psychological state as I was when I worked in the viper pit. Yes, it's actually very nearly that time.

Or maybe I just need a break?

Two today. Bought a new marker and tested it. Ugh. It bleeds like a Sharpie.

Read of the month: The Fourth Bear by Jasper Fforde.

Day #9

Just a small one tonight. Started off okay but finished terrible.

I bought a black 0.5mm pen today and graph paper because I thought I might want to try letters. Maybe this weekend.

Still sad. Prolly the full moon. Sad and fatigued.